1. Dear diary
Dear diary, 12th July 2010
I do it all the time now, cut I mean, whenever I look at my wrist i have an unnerving feeling to go cut it again. To make it less obvious I have a razor from my sharpener that I took apart, and I keep it in the box with the bandage so I can stop some of the blood that comes out. Anyway the reason I was writing this entry was so that I could say that I don't get what people say about you have to move on from the past to live the future because isn't it our past that defines who we are, isn't the past our battle scars that help us not make the same mistake, if we move on then aren't we just doing the inevitable, forgetting who we are. I mean I haven't moved on from the past yet I still don't know who I am. To be honest I don't know anyone that can fully describe who they are without saying something like funny, smart, pretty, honest, friendly. But if that is who you are then rant we all the same? What makes us so special if we are the same? I mean I've been called smart a couple times but I've also been called dumb, like how can you be both? They mean the opposite thing, and I've been called funny yet sometimes if I make a joke I'm a big bitch? How does that work, is it that I'm funny in personality or in looks? Because to a person,a human being, they are totally different, judging on which one it is defines how that person will live. Like one guy got kicked out of his home, got abandoned by his family and why? Because he was gay. Thanks to that boys parents he's going to be afraid to walk down the street with his head held high because he would be so worried that people would hate him just like his family, the people that are supposed to love you through everything. And one girl is now suicidal cause the girls at school called her ugly, and pathetic. What they didn't know was that not only was it bad at school but she was abused at home by her father, so when she started cutting you thought hey why not use this as another reason. What I'm saying is now those people have to go through life scared that the next person they meet will be like the last, just bully or leave them, just because of their past or who they are. So how people can say our past doesn't dignify/define our future I have no idea. The past is what makes you, you! Don't to be afraid to let that show no one should have to keep hidden who they are or what they go through just to protect others cause in the end it's our life that we have to put first. We have to make ourselves happy before everyone else. And that's what I'm going to do, so I'm sorry if you find out that I'm gone the hard way but only I was able to make my life happier but even that seemed like a small chance and I accepted that long ago, so please everyone out there that reads this don't be afraid to be you. And don't let people tell you to let go of something because one day, and even now, that will be a part of you that when gone,you might be too.