1. Icarus

I quickly glance up at the cashier to be sure she isn’t paying attention to me or Mallorie then turn away satisfied to pretend to examine the underwear in my hands. Mallorie crouches behind display dresser where I’m standing and hides as many pairs of underwear in my bag as she can.

By now me and Mallorie are experts on stealing. We go to the mall a few times a month to add a few items to our wardrobe each time. We haven’t ever been caught. It isn’t like we can’t afford it or something. Neither of our families are filthy rich or anything like that but we make it by fairly easily.

Mallorie and I started hanging out at the beginning of my junior year and now we were nearing graduation. With eight weeks of school left anything can happen.


“Landry! What the hell! You’re failing four of your classes and the others aren’t far behind” I hear her voice as she busts into my room and I’m glad I‘m not doing anything to make her yell more.

“Did you ever talk to Mr. Covore?”

“Yeah, today” I lie. I didn’t talk to him and I don’t plan to.

“Is he gonna fix your grade?”

“Yes” I lie again. She rolls her eyes and walks out of the room annoyed by my obvious noninterest. She used to care more, back when I cared too.

As long as I get out of there.

I look down to my phone where I had been texting my boyfriend Zac.

“When are you picking me up” I press send and wait for his reply.

“I’ll be there around 11:15 babe”

I know I’ll be sneaking out considering I’m going to a party but sometimes I feel bad about it. I really do love my mom. She never did anything to make me this way, not intentionally anyways. I don’t want to make her mad or make her hate me. At this point I’m sure she does. I’ve done it all already and she knows about most of it. She just doesn’t know what to do about me. Its not her fault though, I wouldn’t know what to do about me either.

Instead of eating dinner with my family I choose to shower. I’m somehow able to avoid another confrontation with my mother the rest of the night. Around 9 I hear a light knock on my door but I stay sitting on the bed, staring at it. I say nothing and after a minute I hear a sad sigh as whoever it is shuffles away from the door. I almost feel bad but I remember that I don’t feel anything.

By the time Zac gets to my house I can tell everyone is sleeping. The silence in the house is creepingly loud as I walk down the stairs and out the front door. Zac steps out of his car to smile at me and he waits for me to walk over to him to wrap his arms around me and kiss my lips. I smile as I walk to my side of the car and get in beside him. I say hi to Mallorie who sits in the back seat and we pull out of my driveway.

The party is hosted by a girl Mallorie is friends with. Her name is Courtney Crendal and shes known for having pretty awesome parties. Thats all I know about her. There isn’t anything special about this party though. I drink too much, get high, dance and grind all over both girls and guys doing things I’ll maybe regret later and end up in a room upstairs messing around with Zac. He drives me home around 2 and I let Mallorie sit in the front while I lay across the back.

When we pull up to my house I climb out of the car and Zac kisses me hard against it. Its a sloppy drunk kiss and when he finally leans away I walk up to my house without a word to Mallorie.

I know they will have sex.

Probably in the backseat of that car, right where I was laying.

I know hes cheating on me and I know its with her. I’ve gone through his phone before several times since the first occasion and every time without fail I am disappointed. If I said heartbroken I would be lying. After the first time I checked, by accident I’ll add, our relationship has been a blur. He treats me as if he is making up for something. Neither of them know that I know. I’m too scared to bring it up and they’re the only friends I have anyways. I’d hardly call either of them friends but I have fun with them.

I feel my eyes start to water as I walk up the stairs. I’m drunk and the tears that fall are completely out of pity. I let the tears come freely when I get into my room. There isn’t anyone awake to see me but I’m still too proud. I don’t turn on the light. Instead I sit on the floor and I cry. I crawl to my bathroom still crying and fish for the razor I had taken out of my pencil sharpener.

The cuts sting but its nothing I haven’t felt before. The blood runs down my stomach and I cover the new cuts with a washcloth soaking up the blood. I am crying harder now and I wish I was too drunk to remember this because I know will. I always do.

I strip my clothes off as I sob leaving me in only my underwear. I crawl back to my bed to cover my shaking body and I cry myself to sleep again.


A/N ok this chapter is short but it is supposed to seem very blurred and boring and dry because she is depressed all chapters will not be this way!!

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