We got married three years later. Three years. It didn’t seem like that amount of time with all of the work we were doing and all of the travelling that came with our growing business, but the day I married Harry Styles I was wondering why I hadn’t done it even four years sooner. We got so caught up in photo shoot after photo shoot for different people all over the country – and eventually all over the world. Before we knew it, the 5 boys and I were travelling to different parts of the world at different times in the year to attend and participate in fashion shows of all kinds. If anyone told my ninth grade self that this was how my future looked, I would laugh in their face. No way. But it was happening. So, three years after I turned down the ever-famous Wentz Magazine, I was flying to Madrid for the Fashion Week there. The morning of the show, Harry and I snuck into the large room with the runway cutting the room in half. Harry grabbed my hand and pulled me up onto the runway.
“Let me see a fabulous walk. Show off those clothes you’re wearing now,” Harry instructed.
I glanced down at my baggy sweats and bare feet. “These?”
Harry grinned and nodded. “You’re really working that outfit, you know. I’d buy that.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s because they’re actually your pants.”
Harry’s laugh echoed off of the four walls of the giant room and he turned me to face the end of the runway. “Go,” he urged me, slapping my bum.
Reluctantly, I stretched out my legs before me and stood on my toes. I stiffened my neck and kept a straight face as I walked a few steps forward, swinging my hips dramatically from side to side as I stepped. I actually felt confident for a moment before I noticed a janitor in the back of the room watching me and grinning. My whole composure fell and I covered my face before spinning around back to face Harry… who was down on one knee directly behind me.
“Oh Jesus Christ, Harry stop it-“ I choked, pulling on his t-shirt to try and make him stand up.
When he didn’t, I covered my face again and tried to run away, but Harry grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. “My Love,” he called up to me seductively, attempting to get me to look at him in the eyes. “My Dearest Scotlan, my best friend, my baby, my darling…” I giggled and finally gave in, opening one eye and looking down at him with it. He grinned and bit his lip before kissing my hand and whispering, “Marry me?”
The wedding was nothing extravagant with not too many people there; Just Bonnie, the boys, James, and few other “close” family members of Harry’s who I had never met. Harry’s mother showed up for just a moment and stood at the back of the isle, her head covered with a scarf and her purse clutched tightly to her chest. I was waiting behind a hedge at the back of the garden with my wedding planner when Harry’s mom crossed in front of me, unaware that I was ten feet behind her. She stood and watched her son as he fidgeted with his black bowtie and asked Niall to help him fix his hair. I wasn’t sure if Harry spotted her, but I didn’t mention her to him, and he didn’t mention her to me. I almost felt bad, but I didn’t want to ruin the day for him. It had been years since they last spoke. I didn’t want him to wonder for the rest of his life what exactly she was doing there. Did she want to make amends? Did she want to yell at Harry for not coming back home when he was younger?
There were, of course, paparazzi trying to get into the gated garden where we had our ceremony. Everyone had to have the latest and greatest pictures for the wedding of the month. They had to know just who in the hell could possibly be marrying the gorgeous male model, Harry Styles. I let security worry about the paparazzi. All I could focus on was Harry.
Never had he looked so handsome in his life and never had I felt so beautiful in my life. My white, silk dress made me feel like a goddess with the way it draped in the back and revealed my tanned skin. I had a sparkly belt around my hips that Harry wouldn’t stop playing with whenever we were dancing or standing next to each other. I couldn’t help but think of Anna’s wedding when Harry taught me to dance. Now, Harry tried to start to tell me how to move my feet, but I silenced him with a kiss and began to move with him. He grinned proudly at me. “Three and a half years and you still remember.”
“Taught by the best,” I said, pulling him toward me for another kiss.
We honeymooned in Saint Lucia in the Caribbean for two weeks before coming home to New York. We stayed in our room at the resort nearly the whole first week, mainly because it was an open room that had an amazing view of the island and our own personal pool overlooking the beach. When we finally came out of the room, we went zip lining and hiking in the forests. I couldn’t have asked for a better honeymoon.
Not even a month later, certain smells and foods would make me gag. I was vomiting in the morning and my boobs ached like a bitch. Buying a pregnancy test felt weird and definitely brought back memories from the only other time that I had ever bought one… but this time it was much more comforting to have Harry beside me. He stood in the bathroom with me as I tried to pee on the little stick.
“Well did you do it?” He asked impatiently.
“Did you hear a tinkle?”
He shook his head.
“Then do you think I did it yet?”
Harry shook his head again and chewed on his fingernail for a moment. “Now?”
I huffed. “Harry, I can’t pee when you’re rushing me!”
He lowered his head apologetically and nibbled on his finger some more.
I sighed and squeezed my lower muscles together to try and force something out of me… anything… at this point I was getting impatient too.
“I just don’t need to pee right no-“
Before I could finish my sentence, Harry was in the kitchen and back in the bathroom with a full jug of orange juice. He unscrewed the cap and bounced on his toes as he held the bottle to my lips and started to force it down my throat.
It was so funny to see how he tried and tried to contain his excitement and nerves. I loved it. I love the way he way he covered his face when I told him that the pregnancy test was positive. The way he panicked a little bit, ran his shaking hands through his messy curls, and then straightened his face before asking, “Okay, well what color should the baby’s room be?” The way he would hold his hands in front of my stomach when I passed anyone or walked through a door. We argued for weeks about what gender we thought the baby would be; naturally, he wanted a girl and I wanted a boy.
“We can always try for a boy next time,” Harry suggested as he paced back and forth across the hospital room in front of me. My bare feet dangled off of the doctor’s table. I shivered as a cold breeze rolled off of Harry’s body as he passed me.
“Will you stop pacing?” I asked him.
He ignored me.
I sighed. “It’s going to be a boy, I can feel it.”
Harry grinned, kissed me on the lips, and rubbed my shoulders. “I love you…” He hummed before kissing my forehead. “…but it’s going to be a girl.”
Momo walked into the room and stopped when she saw me. She looked from Harry to myself and back again before the smile faded from her lips. “You…”
I knew that my doctor was going to be Momo, but I figured it had been long enough since I last saw her for it not to be awkward.
“So is it a girl?” Harry asked, not even remembering that last time we were around Momo, Harry was punching Declan in the teeth.
Momo blinked a few times and looked at my stomach before taking a deep breath. “Well I haven’t checked yet… Um, Scotlan, can you lay back for me?”
I laid back on the table and lifted my shirt. Momo got the ultrasound going all around my small bump, squeezing chilly goo onto my belly and rubbing the machine around on my skin. A fuzzy black and white picture popped up on the screen beside the table I was laying on, and the three of us stared at it intently.
“Well?” Harry asked. I thought he was about to leap across the table at the screen.
Momo kept rubbing around my stomach, watching the screen. When she finally spoke, she spoke quietly. “I’m so sorry for what happened, I had no idea-“
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have expected you to know that Declan was an ass.”
Momo nodded slowly. I realized she was no longer looking at the screen, but rather dazing off at the wall, probably thinking about Declan and what happened the night he revealed his true colors in front of her. I knew Momo probably had Declan explain everything to her after Harry beat the shit out of him: all about my mom and me and how Declan left us… but I didn’t really care enough to ask her if she had him tell her for sure. I cleared my throat and glanced up at Harry whose green eyes were wide and glued to the screen like the baby would come popping out of it instead of me.
“So it’s a girl then?” He asked loudly, so focused on the screen that he was unaware of his volume.
Momo finally snapped her head back to the screen. “Oh, the uh- the baby… that right there is… not a penis… so yes. It’s a girl. Congratulations!” She quickly wiped off my stomach and left the room.
Harry couldn’t hide his triumphant smile even for a second, but I didn’t care. I was so excited. So it wasn’t a boy… but she was already perfect. I was worried about being a good mother. For a split second, I was terrified that she might go through some of the same things that I did, but then I looked up and saw a father who would protect his little girl, a husband who would stick by his wife, thinking she was perfect even at her worst, and a best friend who would always know what to do to make life better. My past didn’t define my future and I sure as hell wouldn’t let it define my daughter’s, and from the looks of it, neither would Harry.