Fucking prick, fucking prick, fucking prick, I am still repeating this in my head while leaving this stupid party. Not like I am hurt or something. Alright, I may or may not be a little hurt. I know what we said, what we agreed on, it just hurts. I don´t want to cry so I am making weird faces to shake the cry feeling. Keep calm Mia, this happened so many times, you should be used to things like this. You should know that people treat other people like shit. Fuck, I am so angry!
“Mia! Hey! Mia stop!”, I hear him shouting.
Just don’t turn around, keep going, keep your feet moving.
“What are you doing?”, I can hear him laughing.
“You´re acting like a teenager Mia, just stop for a second!”.
“Oh fuck off”, I shouted back.
“You´re being ridiculous”, that’s it.
“Look, Niall, I don´t have time for your shit, so please take your silly talks inside to Barbara, I bet she would be thrilled to hear that, now if you´ll excuse me, I would really like to go home, thank you.”
“Are you jealous of her?”,
“Please, I am really glad that you and your topmodel have this open relationship, I just don´t want to be a part of it anymore”, where the fuck is my taxi? I need a cigarette, god, I am so pissed.
“We don´t have any open relationship, it just, when I saw you first time, practically the second, in that pub, I just thought wow, you were so different, edgy, not like any girl I know, I just needed to have you”, he said completely emotionless.
“Are you fucking serious? You know what Niall? I am a real human being not your toy to play with! You have no idea how much pissed I am right now, please leave me alone”, I lighted my cigarette.
“See? That’s what I love about you!”, he laughed.
“You´re so sick, just go away”, is he serious? How could I sleep with this guy. How can he even use a word love in that sentence?
“I am not going anywhere, until you get back inside”.
“Are you deaf? I am not going anywhere but home!”,
“Alright, so we are going home then…”.
I just don’t know what else to say, he is out of his mind.
“W-E are not going anywhere, Y-O-U are going to leave me alone!”,
“You don´t understand Mia, I am not going anywhere, don’t you see it? You need me, you need me in your bed, in your head, even in your heart, it doesn´t matter who I am with, who you´re with, we´ll find the way to each other, no matter happens, we will”, I can´t believe any of these words, how can he even say I need him? I don´t need him!
“Are you listening yourself? You don´t even know me, I don´t know you, you can´t say a girl she needs you and that they´ll find the way to each other! She doesn´t and they won´t.”, why am I crying?
“Please don’t cry”, suddenly he stopped talking and looked at me.
“Why do you care, leave me alone, please, for a thousand time I am telling you, go away!”, I hide my face with my hands so he couldn´t see me.
“I didn´t mean to…”,
“No, you did mean, so please go!!!”, apparently I am shouting really loud, cause people outside started to looking.
“I just, never mind.”, he ran through his hair.
“Okay, bye.”, he said and disappeared in the night.
He´s gone, finally. I should be relieved but I am not. The things he said, about having me, about how he wanted me, about us finding our way. All those things confuse me. He confuse me. I should never let him to get under my skin, I know it from the start, I knew he´s fucked up, I just didn´t know how much. Now I am standing outside, cigarette in one hand, the other is reaching mine shoulder just to feel a little warmer.
You know what? I think I´ll get back inside after all. I need a drink, maybe a few. Fuck it.
It is so crowded in here, so many people, so many drinks, oh yes, I can see the bar.
“Whisky, please”, I told the bartender and he nods.
I look a bit weird, I have my eyes all red from crying, I really do seem ridiculous.
“Just one?”, he asks.
“Oh no please, the whole bottle”, I said causally.