Dear Diary...

For the Dear Diary competition. This is gonna be weird, I can tell.


1. May 5th 2015

So, this is gonna be my diary for the competition. Eh, kinda odd, but ok, I'll go with it. It's a bit like free-writing, in my Creative Writing class. Occasionally that can conjure out good things...most of the time I've already got some thought in my head that I warp into the topic we're given to write about, completely defeating the point.

Talking of Creative Writing, I really should be getting on with the homework I got. Re-write the 'shock-piece' article we wrote before and format it so it looks like a newspaper. I've got all night, as though it's twenty-five past midnight as I write this sentence, I can't sleep. I'm re-setting my sleep pattern, having stayed up until four in the morning the night before, talking, RPing, and watching theory videos on where ES six is gonna be and what it would be like. So I've gotta go through all night and all day tomorrow with no sleep. So that's the train journey from Trowbridge to Swindon, bus from Swindon to Royal Wootton Bassett, iLearn, double Sociology, Psychology, double Creative Writing, and the journey back, fueled only by an eighty pence Mocha from the Sixth Form Cafeteria, and a can of RockStar Energy (blueberry and pomegranate flavour) in my water bottle disguised as something non-energy drink.

Eh, I've done it before, so I can do it again. I'm gonna have to sign off Movellas and RPing for the two weeks my exams are in though, no matter what. I can't risk it. I need a B in Psychology, Sociology, and Creative Writing to carry on the subjects next year. I don't want my exams to go like:


"However, a feminist would say that religion socialises women into being submissive, due to the only two Biblical women presented as good role models (Ruth, Sarah, and the Virgin Mary) show submissive tendencies and lack of independence, and the women that show independence (Jael, Jezebel and Eve) are regarded as 'sinful' and presented as poor role mode-..............................Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."


Bit over the top, but you get the idea. In my GCSE History exam I had a panic attack. I DON'T want to fall asleep in an A Level exam.

I've not done anywhere near enough revision, I can already tell. I've done one-and-a-half timeline-layout revision pieces for Psychology, but I know that's not enough. I've done all of Developmental, though Pavlov and Skinner versus Harlow, then Bowlby and Lorenz with those goslings, Strange Situation, amae and collective cultures versus the German practices and individualist cultures, when things go to Hell with disruption like in hospitals and residential care, when things REALLY go to Hell with privation like the 500 Romanian orphans, Vanya and Andre the Czech "Cinderella" twins locked away by their stepmother from birth to seven years old, and that girl who was locked away and tied to a chair from one to nearly fourteen by her parents that the psychologists didn't truly care about and bounced her around foster homes every few weeks and called her "the subject" instead.

Yeah, Developmental and Social Psychology really makes me think that humans are complete and total b*****ds. That variation on Milgram's study, to prove the shocks were real to the pps...two psychologists out there are destined to wind up in Hell for that.

I really am way too strange.

Strange enough for me to really regret signing up for NCS this summer. I've kinda been pressured into it by the head of Sixth Form, as it looks so good on UCAS and CVs, plus I need the volunteering. The volunteering bit I'm ok with, and the University/Hotel part doing budgeting and independance sounds brilliant. Same with the Zombie Apocalypse at the end of the first week, getting made up like zombies. It's the Action Residential I'm most worried about though, for two main reasons.

The Action part involves things like rock climbing, canoeing, zipwire, etc. All the extreme sports. I'm kinda sh**-scared of heights, and I never learned how to swim. So I'm done. Ma'am said they'd work around the watery weakness of mine, but that would only make me a burden on the rest of the group.

The Residential part is definitely worrying though. I'll be with about fifteen others around my age staying in a residential centre, working with that same group throughout. For one...I like my privacy. I'm not exactly gonna do well in one room with a group of total strangers for a week. And I know I'm not gonna make friends with any of them either. First impressions of me reveal I'm about as warm and friendly as Wednesday Addams. So that's another connection I have to her, besides the resemblance when I plait my hair.

Eh, if I can get that week over quick, it should be ok. The rest of it, I mean. Most things are usually ok when you get them over with quick. Like ripping off a plaster.

Not jabs though. I missed my year ten DTP jab and need to get it. If it goes anything like my year eight HPV jab then I can see why I missed it. That HURT. Mainly as the nurse jabbed it in a bit too hard in an attempt to get it over with quickly. I hate needles, and that made it even worse.

I have no idea what to write now. I hope this diary doesn't wind up stagnating like HalfBlood. Or any other novels I have in draft and plan to keep there. Penumbra, the Glacial re-do, and a few others. I get so wrapped up in planning the novel, drawing the cover in free periods, planning what the characters look like, making the characters on online dress-up websites (shut up, they're good for visualising characters) and planning if the book becomes a film how to fit in random people I've seen that strongly resemble characters from the books, that I forget to actually write.

There's actually a LOT of people in my Sixth Form that strongly resemble characters I've written in my draft books. Not deliberately though. I wrote the characters before and just saw people that resemble them strongly. I've seen ones that look like Sesheta Crowe, Lusitania Neried, Sparrow Defere, and a few others. Plus the two girls from the orthodontist that perfectly resemble KholePetar Crux and Astraea/Kanya Stoher respectively.

I wonder...if anyone from my Sixth Form reads this, will they wonder who looks like my characters? I know I mentioned to the girl that resembles Sesheta Crowe that she looks like a character, not mentioning which one though.

I'm probably gonna lose friends no matter what if that comes out though.

I've only got a few as it is there, and still I'm left out a lot by them. There's kind of two seperate groups that I have, that do fit together, but are kinda apart too. Sometimes I'm with one, sometimes the other. But also left out. One of them's having their seventeenth birthday party in late May. I helped them come up with a theme (Disney Murder Mystery) and ran through a list of potential themes with them (Twisted Disney, Seven Deadly Sins, Lock and Key, Zombie Apocalypse, Game Characters, Gender Twist)...but I know I won't be invited.

It's pretty normal for that to happen. But eh, it happens. I'm always a bit odd.

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