Dear Diary...

For the Dear Diary competition. This is gonna be weird, I can tell.


12. May 17th 2015, a bit later

I think I'm pretty much the opposite of what's expected of me from people. I chose to stop being vegetarian aged about 13, having been raised as one since I was born and being told the graphic ways in which animals are killed for meat to scare me into staying a vegetarian. Normally when people go against other's wishes in terms of vegetarianism, it's because they choose to be a vegetarian. I choose NOT to be vegetarian instead.

Plus I really wanna have piercings done. I have single lobe, but I want more done. No facial piercings though. Just a navel piercing, double lobe, and maybe upper left cartilage. Upper Helix, it's called professionally.

And maybe a small tattoo. Like, on my upper outer thigh. Something tiny. An inverted pentagram or something. I just wanna do something NEW with myself. Play about with what I like, try new things, and just experiment. Go through phases, and try weird things. Dye my hair purple, then red, then blue. Get streaks. Go from ice blonde to deep black and all inbetween. Ombre it, and just try new things with it. I just want to see what I can do with myself.

I've been up all night. There's this show on that I've been watching, and it's a LITTLE bit corny, little bit cheap, the kind of thing my parents would never allow on and just complain about the whole time. 'Say Yes to the Dress'. It's about future brides choosing their perfect dresses. Normally I'd just think it boring, but to be honest...

...some of the dresses they show are truly beautiful.

I wouldn't wear them if you paid me, but they still look beautiful. Like, they're really nice, and I can appreciate them, but I'd never, ever wear them.

It got me thinking about what my own wedding dress would ideally be like. I know what I definitely would NOT like for it. NO jewels, NO poofyness, NO applique, NO decoration, NO fancy cuts. So ideally something really, really simple. Plain white, plain cotton as silk and satin are restrictive, taffeta, lace, and tulle itch, and velvet gets too hot. So plain cotton, with a tight U-Neck (but not too tight or too plunging) and long sleeves. For the skirt, ideally unpressed box pleated to the floor, but as unpressed box pleated is really rare, just a plain sheath with no waist to the floor. No folds or nothing. Just plain straight up and down covering everything.

I don't exactly feel comfortable revealing myself for events when there'll be lots of attention on me.

God I sound so much like a hegemonic female, planning her wedding dress. If I ever get married, it'll be for immigration purposes only. I could never love anyone enough to give them that much ownership over me.

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