The door opened and Liam came in, closing the door behind him. He just stood there, looking over at me as though he was waiting for approval to come closer. I gestured for him to come sit next to me and he did, sitting facing me.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. "Don't ask me if I'm okay. I'm sick of being asked that" I told him.
He nodded. "Okay I won't."
I took a deep breath, as he caught me in the eye, making my voice come out a little weaker than I had intended it to, "I won't tell Harry."
"Thanks" he thanked me, snapping his eyes away from my face, sadness in his eyes. I knew he was about to say something else, but I spoke over him.
"I like you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I hadn't said it, but he needed to know.
He looked back to me, his eyes shocked. "You do?"
I nodded, anxiously, biting my lip. He suddenly looked a lot happier, and I felt him lean forward, so got up. Nothing can happen I told myself again. He watched me as I paced the room, his head tilted to the side a little as though he was thinking about something.
"What's wrong?" he asked sensing my sudden agitation.
"Nothing" I snapped, wishing that I hadn't used that tone of voice but it just coming out like that.
He looked a little taken aback, looking away. "Your lying."
"I know" I agreed, with him. He got up, walking over to me as I came to a stand still. As he stood over me, I suddenly felt really small looking up at him timidly.
"What's the matter Annie?" he asked, and I felt his hand take a gentle hold on my arm.
I suddenly couldn't think straight, as I looked down at his hand on my arm, my skin tingling. He watched me, taking his hand away again. I felt him lift my chin up. He was about to ask again, but I stopped him saying "don't."
He shut his mouth again, and I sighed stepping back. "Nothing can happen" I repeated the phrase which had been in my mind for a long time.
"I know," Liam agreed "but that doesn't mean you can't have feelings for me."
"I know" I echoed his words, sad smiling and looking down at the floor. "I just keep thinking if I try and stop feeling attracted to you then rules won't be broken, and I won't have to deal with being so confused."
"But why are you confused?" he asked.
I looked back up at him. "I don't think I mean confused, just overloaded with thoughts and stuff."
He nodded understanding. Then he turned away making a noise of aggravation. "This is all my fault."
"No it's not" I told him.
He shook his head. "No Annie, if it wasn't for me liking you in the first place we wouldn't be in this situation."
"But what is the situation?" I couldn't help but ask him. I wanted to know what he was thinking.
He looked back over his shoulder at me. "Nothing can happen" he replied softly, looking back round again.
"That doesn't answer the question" I stated.
He nodded. "I know. It's just something truthful, but obvious to say."
I nodded. "I know."
"I like you Annie. You like me. You don't want me to break Harry's rules. I don't care. So we're stuck to put it simply" he decided to answer my previous question.
I didn't know what to say, sighing before telling him "It's not as simple as that Liam. You can't break them, not for me."
He turned suddenly, his face looking aggravated. "What if I want to break them?"
"You can't" I replied my voice faltering slightly under his intense look. "You can't" I repeated again softer but stronger.
He sighed, turning to face me properly his eyes closed as he looked as though he was trying to calm himself. "I know Annie" he replied understandingly, "I know."
He opened his eyes, gave me a sad smile, which really wasn't a much of a smile more of a sad look, as he came closer. I tried to think of what to say, what to do, but I didn't know. I didn't know what was supposed to happen next. Liam looked like he was struggling to get words out, looking like he was really battling with his emotions right now. "I need to stop this. I need to stop attracting you."
I didn't reply, looking up at him as he purposely avoided looking me in the eyes. He sighed. "I can't though, how can I, when you're just so..." he broke of, breathing out deeply.
"So what?" I questioned.
He sighed. "Amazing" he decided to answer.
I looked up at him softly, taking in his expression and just having to sigh again. "What're we going to do Liam?" I asked, worry and sadness distinguishable in my voice.
He looked down at me, that same expression taking up his face. He shrugged. "I really don't know Annie. I'm so confused."
"Me too" I replied, as he turned away starting to pace the room, his sadness turning to annoyance and agitation.
Suddenly he stopped, looking at me sharply and saying "I really don't know what to do."
I nodded. "I understand."
He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck annoyed. "But do you really? You don't know what I'm feeling right now."
I nodded at this. He was right but still I felt as though I knew a little of what he was feeling. I watched him as he paced, aggravation just radiating off him. He stopped again suddenly, turning to me.
"Annie" he started, his voice softer than his expression indicated it might be. "I knew you were lying when you said you didn't like me before. That really hurt."
"I'm sorry" I apologized, feeling guilty.
"It's okay, I just knew you liked me, I could tell you were lying, and you were forcing yourself to say you didn't like me. It was annoying. I didn't understand why you didn't admit it then, but I kind of get it now."
I nodded. "Okay. I didn't mean to hurt you though Liam. I'm sorry that I did."
He looked round at me, taking in a big breath almost sighing again. "It's fine Annie, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that you've stopped lying to me."
I didn't know how to react to this as he exchanged a glance with me continuing with talking and fidgeting about as though he was restless. "I just wish you'd tell Harry."
"Tell Harry what?" I asked.
"What you think about the rules" he replied.
"But what do you think I think about the rules?" I queried, confused at what he was getting at.
He looked exasperated. "That they're stupid."
I stepped forward, taking on a serious tone. "They aren't stupid."
He stepped forward toward me to. "They are" he retorted in a stern sounding voice.
"Maybe a little" I had to agree. "But I get them Liam. They are there to protect me."
"Yes, but what am I going to do to you?" he grumbled, turning away, crossing his arms.
I didn't reply at first but then said "I think he's scared I'll get hurt, and I think I feel it to. I don't want to get hurt, not again."
"But I'm not going to hurt you" he almost snapped, spinning back around abruptly his voice raising.
He needed to calm down. I took in a deep breath, and replied softly "yes Liam, I'm sure you wouldn't, but I don't think Harry can let anything happen between me and any of you, because of more than the reason that I'll get hurt."
"What other reasons doe's he have?" he asked, looking and sounding grumpy.
"That it would be awkward for everyone" is all I could think of to reply.
"I guess that's true, but who cares" Liam muttered annoyed.
I sighed. "Just calm down" I told him softly.
He seemed to try and obey me, but found it hard. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just getting a little annoyed. This is all so" he paused trying to find the right word.
"Messed up" I suggested.
He nodded. "Yeah, or maybe confusing is a better word. I just don't know."
I nodded. "Yes, maybe both could sum it up."
"Not even two words can summon this up" Liam replied, finally seeming to calm himself, uncrossing his arms.
I smiled, and he smiled back. Then his smile dropped again. "I think I have a solution."
"Okay" I replied, sighing. "What is it?"
"I go, leave you alone, the others will come back and we just wait and see what happens" he explained his solution, except he then added "but I don't know if that will solve anything."
I shrugged. "I don't know, but I reckon we should do that anyway. I think if we dicusss this anymore I might just feel more confused and everything."
He nodded. "Agreed." Then he sighed, and despite the sad yet angry look on his face he half smiled at me.
I smiled back, asking "what?" as he almost seemed to want to laugh.
"I like seeing you smile" he told me in reply as though to answer the question. I gave him a weird look and he just smiled wider.
"I like seeing you smile to. You don't seem to do it a lot."
"Neither do you."
I sighed to. "Not lately anyway."
He nodded. "I guess that's the same here."
I sighed at this. "I just wish things weren't so difficult."
"Yeah, I know." He sighed with me to. "I just wish it wasn't so unfair."
I nodded at this. "Well life isn't fair."
"Yes, it never is." And then he turned. "Annie, I just want to say now, whatever happens now, just promise me something?"
"Promise you what?" I asked.
"That you won't lie to me again about your feelings."
I nodded and replied "I promise."
Then he left the room saying lastly "time to see what happens. Only time will tell."
I nodded, watching him go, feeling a smile tug at my lips even though I was feeling sad and fed up with life. I just felt as though we'd worked something out. Even though we both know nothing can happen between us, I feel as though we've come to a sort of agreement, and that finally we both know each others feelings towards each other, and that I have stopped lying and hiding that I like him.
Nothing can happen, no rules can be broken, and I know that Liam and I shouldn't have kissed. But still it happened, and there's nothing either of us can do about it. I could try and forget my feelings, try and make them go away and stop being attracted but that would be so hard, especially since I can still feel that pleasant burning on my lips, and the exhilarating feeling in my heart from when we had kissed.
I guess Liam was right to say that only time would tell, and that perhaps seeing what happens next is the only way forward. He can't break the rules, not over me, I won't let him do that, but I know that my feelings for him will not go away easily, and I know that Liam really won't make it easier with the way he attracts me. But I have to try and make my feelings go away to avoid him breaking the rules over me. I don't want to but I guess I have to try to still.
We'll see what happens next because after all you can only wait for the next moment to come. You can never predict what will happen unfortunately, so basically it's a waiting emotional game, and one which I really wish I wasn't attracted into playing. But I guess it sort of makes me happy though, that finally, finally I feel as though someone, other than Harry, actually really deeply does care for me a lot even if it means that I have to deal with all of the messed up emotions and confusion.