"We're here," Niall called quietly breaking me from my trance. I turned my head as we pulled into a gravel driveway with strings of lights lighting our way all the way down. At the end of the drive all I could see was trees but as we got closer i could see a building. A wooden building with many bridges coming off from the top of the house which was a sort of roof balcony and joining to the trees.
"Wow," I breathed breathlessly.
I could see Harry's eyebrows raised. "That is quite something, Niall."
He smiled. "It's better than I imagined it. The pictures don't do this place justice either."
"It's fantastic," Harry cried and he sped up so that we skidded into the space in front of the house. He stopped the car and we all got out, stretching from our journey.
Harry turned to me, beckoned for me to come. "Ladies first."
I almost smiled, took the key to the house from Niall and stepped to the door. I unlocked it and pushed the door open, breathing in the fresh smell of wooden, varnished planks. We all stepped in and took a look around it, all of our faces in awe.
"Lou will be so jealous when he finds out," Harry said with a smile of satisfaction.
Niall smiled. "Yeah, he so will." He then turned to me. "Annie, you choose your bedroom first."
I nodded and walked to the steps, climbing up them past the fist floor to the top one which led to just one small bedroom in the roof. The others had followed me and when I said, "this one," Harry pouted at me.
Niall smacked Harry in the arm. "Don't be silly, she deserves which ever room she wants."
I smiled slightly at him, walking to lay down on the bed and stare out of the ceiling window. The sky was a dark blue you could almost feel it's moodiness. I could sense Harry and Niall watching me. I turned to look at them, asking quietly, "what?"
"Nothing," Harry replied and then walked away.
However Niall remained. He walked towards me and sat down. I sat up to. "Annie..." he started and breathed out strongly. "Do you want to know, know what all that was about, with me and Liam on the beach?"
I looked at him for a while, thinking to myself. I did want to know, yet I still felt like I couldn't take it.
"Is it bad?" I asked him slowly.
Niall shrugged. "I.. I don't know... maybe... It depends," he muttered uneasily.
I sighed. "I don't Niall. I just..." I stopped, hanging my head.
"Hey, you can tell me," Niall said comfortingly. I raised my head again and sighed.
"I just don't know whether I want to know, just yet. I feel to... filled up with everything, all my thoughts, to have room for anything new," I explained to him.
He nodded. "I understand. When ever you want to know, just ask, ok?"
"Ok," I replied and then flopped back to lay on the bed. Niall looked down at me for a second before sighing and looking away.
"Do you want me to go?" he asked. I shrugged lightly but he got up all the same. "You get some rest," he said and then he went away. I watched him go. I don't know why but I could sense something in his tone, his manner, I just didn't know what it was.
I shrugged and closed my eyes. All I wanted to do was sleep and block out everything and anyone.
I was woken by Harry's voice. I peeled open my eyes to bright daylight. It was the morning already. I sighed, sleeping was a nice feeling.
"I made pancakes," he told me happily. "Your favorite. You better come down before Niall devours them all."
I tugged the covers around me closer, muttering, "I'm not hungry."
Harry's eyes went wide and shocked and then he looked concerned. He sat down on the bed and met my eyes. I looked away, I felt like he was reading me and my feelings.
He gently tapped my shoulder and I forced my view back onto him. I felt like I knew what he was going to say.
He did say it, the one question everyone kept asking me and I was sick of it. "Are you ok?"
I breathed slowly out of my nose to make sure I didn't snap back. I shrugged. "I don't know."
He fixed me with a sad look. "What's wrong?" he asked another question I didn't want to answer.
I shrugged. "I don't know how to explain," I replied with a soft tone to my voice. I truly didn't know how to put what I felt into words.
Harry sighed at me, looking sympathetic. "I know the feeling, Annie." He smiled sadly.
I smiled sadly at him to but it wasn't really a proper smile but a fake one. I looked at my knees tucked up to my chest below the blanket. "Have you ever felt so full of everything that you just can't feel it? I mean you feel numb... like every bit of pain inside is just so much that you just accept it, make it like it doesn't hurt when it does." I raised my head with tears in my eyes and continued. "I just feel so empty Harry, yet I feel like everything inside me is yelling out, screaming." I dropped my head again, a tear running down my face.
Harry cleared his throat, no words coming out. I don't think he knew quiet what to say. It was a few moments before he could say anything back to me. "Annie, we'll help you to feel better, it's ok... it's ok, Annie."
I met his eyes which I could see were sad and had a few tears in. He leaned forward to take my hand and squeezed it. "It's ok, Annie," he repeated again as a whisper. I tried to believe him, I really did but deep down I felt that nothing inside me could be fixed. I slowly nodded and he closed his eyes for a minute to compose himself. He then opened them again, tears gone and a forced happy look inside them instead.
"Right then, when you're ready come down and have some pancakes. It will be good for you," he said to me. I slowly nodded, I guess I was a little hungry.
He left the room to let me come down in my own time. I soon forced myself out of down the steps. When I neared the kitchen I heard Niall and Harry talking. They stopped when I entered which made me think it was probably about me. I had no energy in me to care much.
Niall smiled warmly and pushed a plate full of pancakes over to my side of the kitchen counter. "Thanks," I thanked him and sat down at a bar chair. I looked down at the golden brown pile of pancakes and had to admit they looked deliciously good. I picked one up taking a bite from it. Yes, I was right, they were good. I smiled lightly. "These are nice," I commented.
Niall laughed and Harry smiled at me. "Just how you like them. I know you love my pancakes."
"Hey, I helped as well!" Niall protested. I smiled a little more. These pancakes were making me feel better.. and Niall to, but mostly the pancakes I think.
"I guess so," Harry replied and rolled his eyes.
"I saw that eye-roll," he mocked offense narrowing his eyes.
I watched them as they communicated with their narrowed eyes and smiled at them. These two were going to be good at clearing my head from bad thoughts and making me feel better.
Niall looked back to me and smiled. "You're smiling," he commented.
I nodded at him feeling awkward as he looked at me. I busied myself with eating more pancakes.
Harry suddenly spoke again, "hey, I know, we should have a bonfire tonight! With marshmallows and hot chocolate and stuff!" He laughed excitedly like a little kid. Niall joined him in being a kid.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed. He turned to me. "Do you want to, Annie?"
"I guess so," I replied.
As the boys started planning and being excited little children I ate up my pancakes. I sighed to myself. I had to admit I felt better, just a little bit. I felt safe here and I felt warm. I felt like I could be happy here with Harry and Niall. There was just one thing missing - Liam - but for some reason I felt like I didn't need him, like I was forcing him into my head. But no, I shouldn't think like that. I was being stupid.
I shook my head, getting rid of all of the thoughts. I was being silly. I only made myself feel worse if I thought to much. I would do anything not to have to think about the things in my head. It was the thoughts in my head making me feel sad. I just wanted to forget, just for a bit so I could have a break.
Maybe here with Niall and Harry is where I could do that best - take a break.