Once I was done clearing up the kitchen I headed up to bed yawning widely. On the way up I met Zayn who was fumbling around with something in his hands. I looked a little closer going wide eyed as I noticed he had a packet of cigarettes an a lighter.
When Zayn spotted my reaction he swore, trying to shove them in his pocket out of sight, but it was already to late. We both stopped and I was lost for words for a few seconds.
"I didn't know you were still up" he mumbled avoiding my look.
"Just finished clearing up" I explained after clearing my throat.
"We should have helped you with that " Zayn answered looking guilty.
"It's okay" I replied shrugging.
Zayn seemed not to know what to say now as awkwardness spread over the silence between us.
"I thought you quit smoking" I finally got the courage to say looking disapprovingly up at him.
Zayn looked away, embrassed and also annoyed. "Yeah I did" he told me.
"Then why?" I questioned softly.
He avoided my gaze as he shrugged, trying to find the right words. He then fixed me with a sorry look. "I just..." he started but then broke off again sighing.
"Just what?" I questioned.
Zayn looked away, then muttered "Liam was right, you care so much. You're too nice."
"He said that to you about Me?" i asked, feeling a small smile on my lips.
Zayn nodded and looked up. "He doesn't stop talking about you to me. He really likes you you know?"
I nodded blushing slightly at the news of this. "I didn't know he told anyone else."
"He did" Zayn replied "just me I think. I reckon he thinks I'm the only one who wouldn't steal you from him."
"What do you mean?" I queried.
"I mean I have Perrie" he replied quietly but despite what who he was talking about he didn't look to happy.
I nodded, then couldn't help asking "but what's the matter then?"
He sighed, shrugging. "We're just having a few arguments that's all. It makes me depressed" he replied sadly, then looked up at me. He sighed, explaining awkwardly "that's the only reason I wanted to smoke" He gestured to his pocket pulling out the cigarette packet.
"You shouldn't" I told him a little sternly, "you'll kill yourself."
"Maybe that won't be so bad" he muttered so quietly I'm sure I wasn't suppose to hear, but I did.
"Don't say that" I told him softly, and reached out towards the hand with the cigarette's in.
He looked down at my hand approaching but didn't stop me as I carefully tugged at the packet.
"You and Perrie can work things out, I'm sure" I told him.
Zayn sighed, looking at the cigarettes I had taken from him almost mournfully. "If only she wouldn't bite my head of every time I talk to her. She just seems to explode with anger whenever I try to work things out."
"It can get better" I tried to assure him. I was so bad at trying to comfort people, because I was usually the one being comforted and not the one who did the comforting. He seemed to find it helpful though as he nodded his face looking slightly happier.
"Can you put those in the bin for me?" he asked pointing to the cigarettes.
I nodded, going back down to the kitchen and throwing them away quickly. I then went back up the stairs towards him where he was still stood. He sighed when he looked at me and smiled weakly.
I smiled back at him to, and he turned. "Come on, you look tired sleepy head" he called and I nodded walking with him up the stairs.
When we got to the top and Zayn was at his bedroom door, he stopped looking at me. "I can tell why Liam likes you so much. He was right about you, you're too nice."
"No one can be to nice" I told him, smiling.
Zayn nodded. "I suppose so yes, but Liam also says your niceness is a problem to."
I nodded knowing what he was referring to and smiled sadly. "Night Zayn" I called, starting to walk off to my room.
"Night" he replied back, before I opened my bedroom door, slumping down on my bed totally worn out. God I needed sleep. I was totally zonked out, it had been a very long day, or so it had seemed and even though I feel sad I felt happy to, falling asleep with an actual smile on my face.
The first thing I heard when I woke up was a deep voice saying "morning beautiful" which nearly caused me to fall out of bed. I sat up so fast my eyes went all fuzzy and it was a moment before I actually could think straight.
I blinked up at Liam, no words coming to mind to say at first, but then I snapped out of my flustered state and replied back "morning not so beautiful."
He pouted, which again nearly made me fall out of bed, as he whined "that's not very nice."
I giggled, realising this was the first time he'd actually been playing around childishly with me, like the others had been like with me from the start. I couldn't help smiling up at him, as he smiled down at me.
"Only joking handsome" I replied, pulling myself out of bed, but actually getting tangled in the covers and tripping up, flying forward.
"Whoa there sexy" he said chuckling, steadying me as he took a hold around my waist.
I looked up at him giggling again, feeling rather giddish. He chuckled back, his arms comforting and warm around me keeping me on my feet, because I was actually fearing I was about to faint in a minute.
I cleared my throat realising I'd been staring up at him, looking away as I flushed red and asked "what you doing here anyway?"
"Aren't I allowed in here then?" he questioned.
"That's not what I meant" I replied, as he chuckled again.
"I just wanted to say good morning to you baby" he replied, winking at me.
I giggled again, but then snapped out of my sort of trance, pulling back. "I'm not a baby" I told him, and he looked sad that I'd slipped from his arms.
"Sorry" he apologized.
"It's okay" I replied, and smiled up at him.
He smiled back. "Don't you like me calling you baby?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I don't like people calling other people baby when they aren't a baby" I explained to him.
"Okay" he replied then smirked as he added "babe."
"I don't like being called babe either" I told him as I went over to the wardrobe.
"I'm sorry, duckling" he replied, and I burst out laughing.
"Duckling?" I queried, looking over at him as I still laughed.
Liam laughed to. "Sorry, I couldn't think of anything else to call you" he replied in explanation to his unusual wording as he stepped closer to me, resting his chin on my head.
"What about calling me Annie?" I suggested, as I shuffled through my clothes wondering what to wear today.
He chuckled, and I felt his chest go up an down as he stood behind me. I couldn't help but smile, seeing him happy made me so happy to. It was a change from his moodiness or sadness. "Okay then, Annie it is" he replied, kissing the top of my head making me flush red again in the face and giggle again. "I love your giggle" he added, sounding like he was smiling. I giggled again at that, and he just kissed me on the top of the head again.
"What should I wear?" I asked him.
He made some pondering noises, reaching round me to have a look through my clothes. "What about this?" he suggested picking out a blue knee length dress.
I nodded. "Okay then, if you want."
"Yes I do want" he replied, as I pulled it from the wardrobe, turning round. Liam was standing there, looking down at me admiration spread all over his face. "Can I tell you something?" he whispered to me.
I nodded, feeling hot around the collar, as his breath tickled my face and he looked me straight in the eyes with a soft look. "I really want to break the rules right now."
"How do you mean?" I asked quietly, feeling nervous.
"By kissing you" he replied.
"Then why don't you?" I questioned, wondering why he hadn't just kissed me without actually saying anything like the times before.
"Because you told me not to break the rules last night" he replied.
"And you actually listened?" I queried, surprised, feeling my hands shaking as I held onto my dress as his lips got closer and closer to mine.
He nodded. "Yes, I did and I'm trying not to break them just for you" he replied, and then he stepped back and I felt suddenly a little cold.
I cleared my throat awkwardly, not denying the fact that my lips were craving the touch of his right now. "Okay" I replied trying not to sound at all disappointed "that's good."
He shook his head. "No it's not good, for me anyway" he replied. "It's not good at all."
"I'm sorry" I apologized.
He sighed. "It's not your fault, your just being sensible" he said.
"How so?" I asked.
"Well your making sure I don't break anymore of Harry's rules aren't you, I think that's sensible. Too sensible" he replied in explain what he meant.
I nodded. "Okay. But Liam aren't you already breaking the rules right now."
He looked a little confused asking "what do you mean?"
I looked up at him and sighed. "Can't you tell?"
He shook his head. "Tell me what you mean Annie."
"I mean, you're attracting me right now. We're acting like we're together" I murmured and I stepped a little closer to him, feeling braver.
"When we're not let me guess you were going to say?" he replied stealing the words from my mouth, and stepping back away.
I couldn't help myself from nodding. "Yeah" I replied, then again stepped forward towards him again. I don't know why, it was just some force was pushing me forwards as though I was supposed to be doing that.
"I wish..." he started, and this time I spoke his words for him.
"Thing were different."
He nodded, the sighed. "I don't get it Annie. Some times you act okay with me being around you, like now, and other times you just seem to force me away from you."
"I'm sorry" I apologized. "I just don't want you breaking rules, but sometimes I don't want to be to mean."
"You're not mean" he replied sadly.
"Thanks" I replied, then I stepped even closer. Next I surprised myself that I'd taken one of his hands in mine squeezing it gently. He looked down at his hand, squeezing mine back ever so slightly.
"You're too nice" he commented, and I blushed.
"No I'm not, and I'm not innocent either like you said I was. I'm not innocent" I told him, feeling heat rising up to my face even more, as we continued to hold each others hands.
"Yes, you are" he replied.
I shook my head mumbling "I'm not innocent, because guess what?"
"What?" he questioned, looking misty eyed and curious.
"I'm going to make you break a rule right now" I muttered, and he raised his eye brows.
"How?" he breathed, but he didn't need to wait for an answer as I brushed my lips against his timidly. I could see the shock in his eyes at this, but that soon passed as I pushed my lips against his again. He reacted back immediately as though someone had flipped a switch on, and was kissing me back so deeply I feel myself nearly fainting right there, right now.
He broke the kiss for a couple of seconds just looking me in the eyes and letting us breath. "Your right" he muttered "you're not so innocent now."
I giggled, and without actually thinking whether I should or not I dropped the dress from my other hand pulling him closer to me. He wrapped his arms around me to as our lips joined again.
Suddenly I heard a bang, and I shot away from him like lighting as the door flung open. Zayn was standing in the door way. When he caught sight of Liam, he backed out of the room again muttering "oh sorry" smirking and then shutting the door behind him.
Liam breathed in deeply. "For a second I thought that was going to be Harry."
I nodded. "Me too" I replied then picked my dress up again from the floor, too startled by Zayn's sudden bursting into the room to actually continue with kissing him.
I rubbed my eyes, and then as though a ton of bricks had been crashed down on me realisation made it's way into my brain. I turned away from Liam, tears threating to fall from my eyes. What had I just done? What had we just done? Why did Liam let that happen? Why did I let that happen? What the hell was I thinking?
Had I gone mad or something. Why did I just do that? Why did I just say that? Why? Just why?
"I've done something really bad" I spoke up my voice breaking.
I felt Liam come closer to me from behind. "I know" he replied. "I can guess what you're thinking Annie. I reckon you're thinking that you shouldn't have done what you just did am I right?"
I nodded. How did he know? Maybe he was just special like that. I then spun around, looking up at him, tears stinging painfully in my eyes.
"I'm so sorry" I told him. "That wasn't meant to happen. I don't even know why I did that."
"Maybe because you wanted to" he suggested, stepped closer to me again.
I felt nervous as he touched my arm, pulling away and stepping back. "No Liam" I told him. "Don't."
"Don't what?" he asked.
I don't know why but I suddenly felt so angry and annoyed. "Get out" I suddenly snapped.
Liam looked taken aback, and I looked up at him, forcing away tears as I said again more softly "please just go."
I thought he was going to argue back or at least say something else, but he didn't. He just began slowly stepped back. I watched him go, seeing the sadness in his eyes, and that bitter hurt that made me want to say sorry a million times.
"I'm sorry" I muttered.
He again didn't say anything, retreating back to the door slowly, still looking at me. I wished he wouldn't but I couldn't say anything more now to prevent him leaving the room, a tear dropping down on to my cheek. Everything had been fine until I got my sense back, in fact it had been more than fine.
As the door slammed shut I closed my eyes against the raging tears murmuring "I'm sorry" again even though Liam was already gone. But maybe I was saying it to myself to, because after all I promised myself that I wouldn't make him break the rules but in that stupid brainless moment I broke my own promise. I said and did something I shouldn't have. I don't know why I kissed him, why did I? What was I thinking?
I'd just been so stupid. I hadn't been thinking straight and had done something really bad. But this isn't the worst of all this. The thing that is aggravating me more is the fact that I'd found it good. It had made me feel amazing, until all the realisation had crept back up on me. It had made me feel happy but now I've got my sense back I just feel upset again. Maybe not thinking about what I'm doing is the best way to be. I find that I feel much happier then because just now I hadn't thought twice about kissing Liam. I had just done it, and now I wish I hadn't.
But really I'd enjoyed it, when I shouldn't have. I couldn't deny it, I'd liked it but that just made me more annoyed with myself, because nothing can happen. I keep having to repeat it - nothing can happen.
For once Liam hadn't been about to break a rule, then stupid me comes along and spoils it all, making him break rules. Why doe's everything have to mess up for me? It's like whenever something good comes along I just have to wreck it. Like when I met Jason things were fine and then that went downhill. I suppose that wasn't my fault, but I still regard myself responsible for my actions.
I feel like screaming now. I feel like a need to cry to, but I can't. I just have angry tears in my eyes as I stomp into the bathroom to get dressed. I got into the shower, turning on the taps to suddenly be hit by freezing cold water which made me yell out jumping out of it again. I turned off the cold tap feeling that it was still freezing cold even though just the hot tap was on.
"Great" I muttered to myself. There was no hot water. A great way to add to my on growing bad morning mood.