It came clear to me that I wasn't dead. I wanted to be but I wasn't. When I woke up, it was hard to see, my eyes were blurry but I could make out I was in a car, laying across the back seats. I could feel the steady, slow motion of it as we rounded a corner and I could hear the engine below me.
I blinked a couple of times lifting my eyes to see who was driving, focusing on them properly. Harry was driving and in the passenger seat Niall sat next to him. I tried to move but couldn't. I tried to speak but just air came out at my first attempt of words since waking up. My throat felt dry, hoarse and I knew why. I had screamed until I couldn't, until my voice gave up on me and as did the rest of me. I felt numb laying here looking out of the window as the sky flashed past. I didn't know where we were going, I didn't care, not any more.
"You're awake." It was Niall's quiet voice. I turned my eyes to him and nodded slowly even if my neck was sore. Harry looked round from driving for a second to see that what he said was true.
"Hi, Annie," Harry greeted slowly and calmly, going back to concentrating on the road.
I cleared my throat, trying to speak. Nothing came out but I kept trying until my voice came back. "Hi." My voice was quite and croaky. It hurt to speak. I was still too tired to even try to say more.
"Go back to sleep, if you want to," Harry said. I didn't need any words of encouragement. I shut my eyes again but I however didn't go to sleep. Just shutting my eyes was better, it shut the world around me out. I felt in my own little bubble, not that it was a nice bubble to be in. All I felt was pain, numb pain. I know it seems weird to say numb pain but it's what I felt. It was like I was enduring so much that I had just got used to it so that I felt empty inside.
I couldn't go to sleep, not again, I was awake now so I opened my eyes again. I stared at the top of the car, the grey material hood which had been pulled over the top of the car to keep the wind out of the convertible.
I tried to summon words. "Can you open a window, please?" I asked and Harry jumped a little. I don't think he realised I was still awake.
He nodded and flicked a button causing one of the back windows to open. Cold air zoomed in, brushing against my face making me shiver. I was cold but it felt nice, it felt refreshing. I rotated my body so I was laying more comfortably on my back. Niall was staring at me, twisted in his seat. He looked about to say something but thought better of it.
"Where are we going?" I asked slowly.
Niall replied, "my house, a safe house I bought way back. We'll be safe there, Annie, no one can get to us."
I nodded and I felt relief wash over me. Safety, the word sounded good. I wanted to be safe, away from any more danger, any more harm. It wouldn't make the pain inside shift but it would maybe take away the danger.
"Are you sure, that it is safe?" I questioned him.
He nodded slowly but surely. "Yes, Annie. I promise you, you'll be safe there."
I sighed and said nothing more. I didn't even want to question why we were suddenly going to Niall's safe house or what was going on. I just laid there letting myself be taken to this house, to safety. I closed my eyes again as the cool air from the outside hit my face. I sighed sadly.
"Annie," It was Harry who spoke next. I opened my eyes, looked at him driving.
"Yes, Harry," I replied.
"It's ok. Zayn came up with a plan. He said we should split up into groups, go separate ways. It will be safer then for each other as there is less chance of Erin's lot tracking us down, than if we were all together," he explained to me. I had not even asked but at least now I knew what had gone on.
I nodded. "Ok, that was a good idea."
"It was," Harry replied. "Zayn's gone to Perrie's, Liam and Louis have gone to find themselves somewhere to hide and then there's me, you and Niall, going to Niall's safe house."
"Ok," I answered flatly. I wondered whether I should feel something, whether it should hurt to be away from Liam but I didn't feel anything. I felt nothing, just numbness which spread all over me, throughout my brain. It was distressing not to feel anything when I'm sure I should feel something.
I occupied myself with trying to sit up, pushing myself upright with shaking arms to see we were on a quiet road, driving along. I buckled up my belt as I leaned against the door staring out of the window.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"In truth, Annie, I don't know. I just put the postcode Niall, gave me in the satnav," he told me and laughed slightly.
Niall chuckled to and replied to him, "hopefully the satnav will take us the right way. It is pretty desolate, the house I mean, I've never been there. Not even sure of it's location myself."
I saw Harry roll his eyes by looking at him through the mirror. "Well, that's great."
I smiled only very slightly before saying to them, "at least it will be hard for them to track us down."
Niall nodded, looked round, replying, "yes, Annie, that's right."
Silence fell again. Seconds passed, minutes past, lapsing into hours. The sky was growing darker and as we winded down the roads I watched the deep blue sky with silhouetted trees in the weak light. It was calming, watching as the light faded away, I felt almost peaceful yet something gnawed at my insides. Sadness and pain clawed at me and all I could feel was just that - sad.