I tried desperately not to cry as I went up stairs to my room, fed up of all the crying I had been doing lately. I tried to form my sadness into annoyance or anger which was pretty hard to do since I'd never been one for getting really angry (unlike Harry.).
I went into the bathroom taking some clean clothes with me, stripping of the sauce covered ones and jumping into the shower. I turned on the water letting it cool me down, and wash away all the sauce. I washed my hair, got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel to get dry. I was really trying not to think of things to be honest knowing that wouldn't help me in my efforts not to cry again. I had too many thoughts in my head right now.
Once I was dried I decided to put my pyjamas on, opening the bathroom door still wrapped in the towel to get them. Except when I opened the door Liam was there sitting on the bed. My eyes went wide, as he looked up realising that I was practically naked and standing up abruptly.
"I, er" I started to try and say, going red, but the words never forming. I then rushed to get my pyjamas, running back to the bathroom and locking myself in as quickly as I could, all without looking at him.
I quickly got dressed, not wanting to go back into my bedroom, but knowing I had to. I sighed picking up my sauce covered clothes from the floor and unlocking the door again to walk through. Liam was still there, sitting down on the bed again. I glanced at him before without speaking leaving the room again. He followed me out and down the stairs as I headed for the kitchen where the washing machine was, and a load of mess which I would need to help clear up.
"Annie" he started to say, as he continued to follow me into the kitchen which was empty apart from all the mess.
"Uh-hum" I replied back, kneeling down by the washing machine and shoving my clothes in it.
"Are you okay?" he asked. I was really sick of that question and just nodded. It was the easiest answer I could give.
"Are you sure?" he continued on.
I nodded again, trying to turn on the washing machine but actually not knowing how to use this one. "Work you stupid thing" I muttered under my breath, annoyed as I whacked it.
Liam laughed slightly asking "need help?"
I nodded, stepping back so he could show me how to use it, which turned out to be a pretty obvious way of using a washing machine. I thanked him quietly, turning to look at the sauce mess spread around the table and on the floor.
"Where are the others?" I questioned.
"Getting cleared up" Liam explained and I nodded, not knowing where to start with cleaning up.
I sighed, turning to get a cloth, and avoiding looking at Liam, who I could feel was looking at me.
"Are you annoyed with me?" he asked suddenly as I was putting water on the cloth.
I shook my head and mumbled "why would I be?"
"I nearly broke a rule right in front of Harry" he replied back, looking at the floor as I looked up at him.
"I know. I was there Liam." Once I'd said it I realised my tone of voice did sound annoyed, which I hadn't meant for it to be.
Liam sighed, then looked up again, catching me in the eye. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
I nodded, stepping towards the table. "Harry's really angry with me. He had to remind us of the rules, and he added a few new ones" Liam explained.
I sighed. "What new ones?" I questioned.
"Just that we can't kiss you, or even try it" he replied.
"But surely that's already covered in the existing rules" I said, as I wiped at some of the sauce on the table.
"That's what we said." And I heard him sigh.
Then Liam's hand was on mine holding it still. I tried to push it away but he kept it there. "Liam, let go."
"You shouldn't be clearing this mess up" he replied.
"I started it" I told him, still trying to get his hand off mine.
"No it was Harry" he tried to persuade me.
I shook my head again saying "It was both of us."
Liam looked as though he was going to protest again but didn't, removing his hand from
"Why are you so innocent?" Liam suddenly muttered, and when I looked round at him he
wore a slight smile.
"What do you mean?" I questioned him.
He sighed and answered simply "You're just so nice."
"I don't think so" I mumbled, as I tried to keep focused on clearing up and not on looking
"What makes you say that?" he asked and I felt him follow me closely as I moved around
the table, making me feel nervous.
I shrugged, steeling a glance at him and his expression which was of affection and
curiousness. He cocked an eye brow at me as I replied quietly "You know what."
"Yes" I whispered, "everything that I did with Jason."
Liam suddenly looked comforting stepping closer as he said to me softly "that wasn't
"I could have done something to stop him" I muttered looking at the floor. "But I didn't."
"Annie it's okay. It wasn't your Fault." His voice was soft but stern, as he looked down at
me and i tried to avoid his gaze. But I couldn't resist it, I had to look back at him and the
kindness in his dark eyes. I nodded slightly, quickly breaking eye contact and reverting
back to wiping the table clean.
"Liam" I started off and he nodded. "You know you shouldn't."
"Shouldn't what?" he asked confused.
I sighed looking up at him. I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say. "I just..." I
tried to explain starting off "I just wish you wouldn't."
"Wouldn't what?" Liam quizzed.
"Wouldn't break the rules" I replied quietly looking pointedly away from his face.
"I'm not right now" he muttered an I noticed the annoyance taking up his features.
I took in a deep breath and muttered "I know, I just mean don't break them anymore
"I keep trying to do what you say, believe me I do. But it's too hard for me. I'm sorry" he mumbled, and I looked up at him again as he looked moodily at the ground, sadness also in his eyes now.
"I know Liam, but since what's just happened you need to try and prevent it. Please, for me. You can't like me Liam, I don't want you breaking rules in front of Harry again, you saw what his reaction was. I can't let that happen, not over me" I told him desperately, sighing. "I'm not worth the sacrifice."
Liam suddenly looked up. "Don't say that. You are worth it. If you let me I'd break the rules, I don't care anymore how much Harry hates me for it."
"But I do care" I snapped, stepping away from him fearing that he was getting closer and closer again. "He's my brother, your his friend, you two can't fall out over me. Please, don't you understand it. I can't let you." I repeated my last words "I can't let you Liam."
Liam turned away, sounding annoyed, but then he sighed. "This is just it Annie. This is what makes you so nice because you care too much. And when you care too much you can get hurt easily, because there's more that you have to lose."
"Caring too much isn't bad though" I replied.
Liam nodded, turning back towards me, his face tired and sad. "I know Annie, I just wish you didn't care so much about me."
"But I do care about you Liam, a lot, and you can't stop me from that" I replied to him, avoiding his eyes.
"I know. But why do you care so much about me?" he asked.
I shifted my eyes to look up at him, and to let his question sink in. "Why do you think?"
He shrugged, and I stepped forward towards him, whispering in reply "maybe it's because of one reason."
He smiled, and looked down at me. "What reason is that?"
"Don't you know" I muttered.
"Yeah, I think I do" he replied, "you said it to me before, and I guess it's true. You like me."
"Maybe" I whispered, enjoying the look on his face as he grinned a little annoyed. "Yeah, just maybe."
"Hmmm okay, so if it's a maybe that you like me, what can I do to make it a definite yes?" he pondered.
I smiled up at him, finding our little conversation actually quite amusing. "I don't know" I replied at first pretending to think, but then smiling "or maybe you don't have to do anything, because maybe just when you look at me I know I like you."
"Maybe" he muttered, then sighed, losing his smile. "Maybe." I dropped my smile to, sighing and turning away. "I wish you wouldn't."
"Wouldn't what?" I asked.
"Tease me" he replied.
"I wasn't teasing you" I replied, cocking an eye brow.
"Well it seemed a little like that" he replied.
"I'm sorry" I apologized, "I just wanted to make you smile."
"It's fine" he replied, then he turned looking me in the eye and mumbling "it made you smile, so it made me smile to."
"That's good" I replied, then sighed.
He sighed to. "I wish things were different. I wish Harry wasn't so protective of you."
I nodded at him, not daring myself to say anything. He then stepped closer to me. "We shouldn't even be talking like this to each other, it just makes it harder for me to resist you. You make it so hard anyway, but whenever you smile, or whenever you use that voice, I just can't help forgetting the rules slightly."
"Well don't forget them" I replied quietly, unable to actually comprehend how nervous and hot he was making me feel right now.
"Maybe I want to forget them sometimes, just because then maybe you would forget about them to" he continued in that same emotion filled deep voice.
"I can't forget them" I told him. "I don't forget things easily."
"Well" he muttered, his lips just inches from mine, "maybe you'll forget this whole conversation if I do this." His breath was hot on my face, tickling me, and his lips literally a millimetre away from mine. I tried to stop him but I couldn't, frozen still as though shocked at his actual courage to do this right when any of the others could walk in.
It seemed to take several long minutes for his lips to touch mine, but when they did it was like fire was exploding inside of me, whooshing up to my face. I tried to stop myself from going red but it was impossible, it was out of my control. I knew he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but I couldn't pull away. It was too good and that was the problem with it. It made me forget for only a moment that this really shouldn't be happening.
But when sense came to me, I did pull away, my breaths sharp in my throat as I stepped back and back away from him timidly, as he just stood there looking dark and almost expression less apart from the passionate look in his eyes.
"Liam." I tried to say something more, but I couldn't, my face still burning.
He turned away again. "I can't help it Annie. I'm sorry. I'm breaking rules again."
"You've been breaking them since I met you" I mumbled quietly, my voice soft.
"I know" Liam agreed "I just can't stop it, you drive me crazy, you're the only one I think of all the time."
"Don't" I told him. "Just don't. Please we can't do anything. Nothing can happen between us, you know that, but no matter how many times I tell you it's like you never listen."
"I'm sorry" he replied, "I do listen, it's just I can't help it. Breaking the rules is so easy, when you're so irresistible."
"But you can't do it anymore" I told him. "You can't." I paused taking in an extra big breath. "Leave me alone, please."
He looked up at me, I could see the hurt in his eyes, I could feel myself hurting inside tears stinging in my eyes. "Just forget me... just forget me, please Liam." I had to go on, but he was looking so hurt I didn't want to say anything else, but I forced myself to. "I don't like you."
"Yes, you do" he snapped, and he suddenly looked angry through his hurt. I stepped back away from him. His voice softened again. "You're a liar."
"I know" I whispered, nodding. "I know I am."
"Then stop being a liar, you said you wouldn't lie to me anymore. You promised me Annie" he told me, his voice harsh sounding, but also soft.
I nodded. "I know Liam, but please. Nothing can happen, and that's why I'm saying it. I don't like you."
"But you do" he snapped again, looking aggravated as he stepped closer to me, so I was nearly cornered.
Tears had started falling down my face, as I looked at him sadly, feeling myself hurting so painfully I could barley talk anymore. "I know you do" he whispered, his face close again.
I nodded. "But don't you get what I'm trying to do? Don't you get it."
He shook his head. "Explain it."
I nodded. "Nothing can happen, we both know it. I don't want you to break the rules. So I'm saying it to help you forget me, to get me out of your head, so that you don't break anymore rules. I'm doing this to help you. I'm saying I don't like you, because I have to try and get that fact into both of our heads."
"But I don't care how many times you say I don't like you" he muttered quietly, "I can tell your lying, it doesn't help. It just makes me feel like kissing you because it's hurting you telling my a lie."
"I know" I replied. "I know, I just..." I broke off, looking up at him. "We just can't do this. I'm fed up of hurting and I'm fed up of crying."
"Then stop hurting yourself" he replied.
"I can't" I whispered.
"I'll help you" he breathed, and pressed his lips against mine once gently before pulling back. "Do you like me Annie?" he asked.
I tried to stop crying, nodding my head. "Then don't lie about it" he mumbled. "It's okay to like me, your don't have any rules to break. Me liking you is up to me, and I don't care how many rules I break, because I'm the one breaking them, and it's not you."
"But I make you break the rules" I muttered.
"Yes, but I don't care. Some people are worth breaking rules for" he whispered, then he pressed his lips against mine again, kissing me gently but passionately. I pulled my lips away.
"You can't break them for me. I'm not worth it, and don't say I am" I told him, pushing him back and stepping away. "I'm sorry Liam. We can't. I know what you feel, I know you say you don't care. But I care too much, and that's the problem. I just wish you'd never liked me in the first place, because everything is all messed up, and I'm so confused. And it hurts." I took a shuddering breath in. "It really hurts to say this, but I don't like you." I broke off crying too much, before getting strength back and looking him straight in the eye. "I don't like you."
"You're a liar" he replied back and I saw the look in his eyes, that horrible sad look.
"I know, but I have to say it, or I think I might just kiss you again" I told him, "I think I might just listen to you, because that's another problem, I care about you so much that whatever you say I listen to, but I shouldn't listen to you, because you can't break the rules. Please Liam, can't you see how much this is hurting me. I've been hurt enough already, without having to deal with this."
He was about to talk back to me, but I stopped him holding up my hand and continuing. "I'm lying when I say I don't like you, we both know it, but we have to get it into our heads because... nothing can happen. Really Liam, no rules are going to be broken anymore, because I can't take it anymore. I just can't, because every time you break a rule, I want you to break them again, because..." I paused, looking him straight in the eye. "I really like you, but I shouldn't."
Liam looked at the floor, taking in a big breath. He then looked up and replied "I get it Annie, and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, I really didn't. I'm sorry it has to be like this. I don't totally get you but I get you enough to say, okay. Okay, you can say you don't like me." He sighed. "But I'll never listen to you. I'm never going to believe that you don't like me, because it hurts to much for me to think it. I like you too much to believe those words are the truth."
"And that's how it has to be" I told him.
He looked me in the eye again. "But why? Why can't you just tell Harry that you wish the rules didn't exist?"
"Because I can't, I just can't. I'd have to give him a reaosn and the reason would be that you like me and he'd hate you if I told him that. I don't want that to happen, because I care" I replied desperate for him to understand. "You were right, I care to much, and when you care too much you can get hurt easily, because there's more that you have to lose." I repeated some of his previous words, feeling the tears cascading down my cheeks as I looked at Liam, willing for him to just understand me or at least just say he wasn't going to break anymore rules.
He nodded. "You shouldn't too care, but you do, and I guess I get it. I sort of get you. I just don't want you to say you don't like me, I just don't want to say that I won't break the rules."
"Then just stop, just leave me alone, and just let me get it into my head that I don't like you" I murmured.
"But you'd just be lying to yourself" he whispered.
"I know" I replied, "but I have to, or I just don't know what is going to happen. Nothing can happen, and we can't do anything Liam. I'm sorry that it has to be like this, I'm sorry I even have to lie again but I do because I don't know what else to do."
He stepped closer. "I don't know what to do either" he whispered.
"I don't think I've ever known what to do around you. I mess everything up, and I didn't want to mess this up, but I have and now I'm so confused" I replied. "I hurt so much, but I just don't know how to fix it."
"Maybe, I can fix you" he whispered and his arms were suddenly round me. "Maybe if you stopped lying to me, you wouldn't feel so bad."
I nodded. "Maybe I would" I muttered, then sighed, leaning my head on his chest. "I don't even know what I just said, I just ranted off a load of stuff."
I heard him chuckle, then mumble in reply "don't worry, I didn't get much of what you said, most of it was just lies anyway."
I nodded. "I know. I'll stop lying now" I replied.
He nodded. "Good idea."
"And now" I breathed out deeply, stepping back, pulling myself from his warm comforting grasp. "Try and leave me alone. Nothing can happen. Seriously just don't try to break the rules, and I'll try not to make you. Let's just make it easy."
"Nothing is easy" he replied.
"Life isn't" I told him. "It's not fair either, but we all have to live through it."
He nodded, then despite what I was feeling and what he must have been feeling to, he smiled as he sighed. "Maybe just smile, and try and forget what just happened now."
I nodded. "I just wanted to try to sort It out but I can't. I know that now, and I'm sorry."
"You don't have to say sorry" he told me.
I shrugged. "Being me I do, and now" I replied back, and then sighed pointing to the door. "Can you just leave me alone please to clear up before I end up confusing and messing everything up a whole lot more."
He nodded. "Okay, but just tell me this - do you like me?"
I nodded. "Yes Liam, but nothing can happen remember."
He nodded to. "I know that. Nothing can happen, and I can't break the rules."
I nodded again. Finally he was understanding me. "You get it."
He shook his head. "I don't want to get it but yes I understand you."
I half laughed, then smiled. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me" he replied. "You're the one who made this better."
"No I didn't, I made it worse and more messed up" I told him.
"We both did" he replied and sighed.
"Can we just go back to time to see what happens next please?" I asked. "It was a whole lot easier then."
He nodded then sighed again. "Yes, of course. Let's just see what happens next."
"Yes, let's do that"
Then he sighed again, left the room, and I stood there for at least a full two minutes just wondering what had just happened. I didn't get what we'd just worked out but all I did know was that I was smiling, and despite it being against Harry's rules for Liam to have kissed me, I still couldn't help but reminisce in what his lips on mine made me feel like, even if I shouldn't be thinking of that.
I tried telling myself I don't like him, but that's no use. I tried telling him not to break rules, but he can't help it. I tried to sort things out and get him not to like me but it just got us both all messed up and confused. So I guess it's just fair to say we're back to let's see what happens next. I hope that Liam doesn't break another rule, or nearly break one, not in front of Harry anyway.