The rest of the day seemed to go past in a blur, and despite totally embarrassing myself in truth and dare by pretending to be a chicken, it was uneventful. I seemed to be walking around in a sort of subconscious state, feeling like crying every single second but not getting enough energy to. I'd woken up in the afternoon anyway so it was soon getting dark and I was already thinking of going to bed at 7.00 o'clock not in the mood to eat anything.
"Annie!" Harry's voice called as I sat in the music studio by myself not actually wanting to be around anyone and preferring being stuck in a sadness state on my own. I didn't call back, keeping quiet.
It was a few more minutes before the door opened and Liam walked in. He spotted me and came down the steps hands in his pockets. "There you are."
I sighed, nodding. "Harry's calling you" he explained, although i already knew, gesturing over his shoulder.
"I know" I replied, getting up.
I made to walk past him and up the steps but he grabbed my arm stopping me in my tracks. I looked up at him as he looked down at me, his eyes dark glistening.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly.
I shrugged, looking away from his eyes sure that I'd just start crying again if I thought about the answer to his question too much. The grip on my arm weakened, and he slowly took his arm away his fingers brushing my bare arm. Goosebumps erupted up my skin, making me shiver and look up into his eyes again.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you" Liam whispered quietly, his voice deep but comforting.
I could barely talk back but managed to say "thank you."
"No one deserves to be treated like that, especially not you" he continued on. I definitely couldn't speak now, all words gone from my mind and my hands actually starting to tremble under the closeness and the way he was looking at me so intensely it was captivating.
I opened my mouth to reply but couldn't form the words, my lip quivering.
"I wish he didn't hurt you. I wish you'd let me make you happy and make that hurt all go away."
Then he slowly lifted up his hand to wipe away tears that I didn't even know had fallen, from my cheeks. He didn't take his hand away from my face, brushing hair away, and keeping his hand there at the side of my head.
"You know you can't" I whispered, summoning words.
He didn't reply, his eyes now looking so sad. "I know" he muttered, then he stepped back his hand slipping away from me making me feel so cold. "You won't let me."
"I know" I echoed his previous words, trying to stop the new tears which had formed in my eyes from appearing.
"Harry wouldn't ever let me" he breathed, slowly stepping further and further back from me.
"I know" I replied, feeling a cold, sad tear splash down onto the cold skin of my face.
He stepped back and back, up the stairs, almost out of the room. His voice was quiet but slightly angry sounding, but sad to. "You don't like me Annie, you said it yourself. I'm sorry that you don't feel the same way I do, but is doesn't matter now anyway does it? Nothing can happen. You won't let me break the rules. You don't even like me like I like you."
Then he walked off, and I closed my eyes against the raging tears. "But I do."
Once I'd spoke those words I knew they were the truth. I couldn't deny it now. I knew what I felt about Liam was different from normal friendship. I tried to say that I didn't like him, tried to persuade myself it wasn't true by telling him that I didn't like him, but I'd been lying. I'd always been lying about my feelings to him, and I know I've hurt him, and I really wish I hadn't.
I know what feeling hurt is like; I'm feeling it now. I shouldn't have lied to him, I shouldn't have hurt him, but he said it himself - nothing can happen. That's the truth. Nothing can happen.
Harry's rules are there not to be broken. They are there to protect me, but what is Liam going to do? He won't hurt me, he wouldn't. He cares about me, and that makes me feel happy. I didn't think anyone cared a couple of days before and now I know that some do. They care a lot. He cares.
But nothing can happen. Nothing can happen, and I know it. I know I have to forget it, forget that I like Liam, and try to ignore being attracted by him. It's a hard job and I hate that I'll have to do that. But nothing can happen between us. Harry's rules can't be broken, and I don't want arguments and more hurt going on. I don't want more hurt. I have to resist the attraction I have towards him.
I can't help feeling so hurt right now. I can't help the tears sliding down my face as I stand in the middle of the music studio, Liam having walked away, making me feel so alone. I sink to the floor hugging my legs to my chest, and crying. Sometimes it's all I can do, cry out the hurt I'm feeling. The emotions running through my veins, the stabbing pain in my chest and the memories of Jason and all the past hurt flashing before my eyes as though they want to show themselves just on this day to make things worse.
"Annie" I heard my name being muttered softly, quiet at first, then a little louder. I looked up, through tear filled eyes to see Niall standing above me. He reached down for me, and I took his hands, letting myself be pulled up. I couldn't even say anything or hear what he was saying to me either.
He pulled me into a tight hug, and I buried my head in his chest, soaking his t-shirt with tears. I could hear him telling me not to cry, that everything was alright now, and I was here with Harry, but as much as it was nice, I couldn't stop hurting. I couldn't stop crying.
Then I felt different hands taking a hold of me pulling me into a hug. A different voice was saying things in my ear. Harry's voice. I relaxed a little more, as he lifted me up and I wrapped my arms around him letting him carry me out of the room, and up the stairs.
"It's okay" is all I kept on hearing him say over and over again. But it wasn't okay, nothing was okay.
I kept shaking my head, trying to tell him it wasn't but too upset and overcome with crying to speak or even move much. My legs were weak, my whole body shaking. He placed me on my bed, wrapping his arms round me in a big hug and stroking my hair.
It took forever to stop crying, well that's what it felt like, and when I stopped I still had tears in my eyes as my breaths came out all shaky.
"Why is everything all messed up?" I whispered, my voice coming out muffled and quiet.
"Not everything is" was Harry's reply, as he squeezed me comfortingly.
I felt like saying "you don't know what else is wrong though" but of course I didn't, knowing he'd want to know what I mean, and knowing that I meant that what was happening with Liam was something majorly hurting me right now. I just sighed, and Harry gave me a sad smile saying encouragingly "smile."
I tried to. "I can't" I whispered.
"You can" he replied, and he moved his hands so he was tugging my mouth into a smile for me.
I felt like laughing at this, but didn't, just half weakly smiling to satisfy him but it soon disappearing. He dropped his smile to and said to me in an undertone "I thought you'd be upset today, but I don't think I realised how much."
I breathed out deeply and replied back "I don't think I even realised either."
He half laughed, and then brushed my hair away from my face saying "you remind me of mum so much." He sad smiled at this.
I couldn't help it, I smiled sadly to, taking his hand and holding it tightly. "I reckon she'd be proud of you right now."
Harry gave a questioning look asking "what for?"
"For being a great brother and looking after me" I told him, and he smiled wider.
I smiled to as he squeezed my hand back. "She'd be proud of you to."
"What for?" I was the one to ask now.
"I'm not strong" I protested.
"Yes you are Annie. What you've been through no one should have to go through. But you did, and you're still here. Yes, you still hurt Annie, but you came through it. You're here, and you're strong. That's what matters."
I couldn't argue to that, and smiled at him, leaning forward to hug him. "I love you Princess Twinkle Toes."
"I love you to Squiggle bum bum," he replied using my young nick name in reply to me using his silly nick name.
I looked at him and he looked back at me and together we laughed, together, as brother and sister as though on a secret impulse that only we shared.