"Would you like anything to drink?" I try to keep my eyes from burning into my new company's glance. Okay Harry don't mess this up. I don't think she knows you're crazy.
Her nose scrunches slightly and a smile creeps to her pink rounded lips, "If its not too much to ask for will you get me a hot chocolate?" Im thinking really hard about what She said but I don't want to let her know. I don't while keeping my eyes looking up and I make a almost contorted face. When I figure it out I turn on my heel and make my way to the counter. "Wait hold on, here take this!" in her hand she held out a five dollar bill.
"No no" I turn away before she is able to force the money upon me. I see her glare at me and I want to smile so bad. I cant get myself to though, instead I turn to look at her walking backwards. "It's on me" My voice didn't have to raise for her to hear me since we were almost the only people in the warm diner that sat on the corner of a four way intersection.
Lauren rolled her eyes at me and began sorting through her bent and folded papers. I reunited with her only moments later this time holding two styrofoam cups with secure lids and tiny straws sticking out from a small opening to match.
"Mm! thank you!" she wraps her hands around the cup holding it inches from her face taking in the warmth. The way her eyes closed and then opened again made me feel alive for a split second and then all the life I felt drained away again. Who am I kidding, Im not happy. I sat down awkwardly in a seat beside where she was standing and patted another beside me.
"Sit, I'll help." Almost as soon as I offer the spot she seats herself and takes a sip of the warming liquid in her cup. Say something harry, shes looking at you "Um so whats your favourite colour?" I cringe as soon as the words spill out. Whats your favourite colour? How stupid can I be.
Laurens face moulds into pure concentration, its almost like she is actually picking the perfect answer to this simple question. "Turquoise" she finally states. "No! Orange!!" I watch her live expressions. "No wait yeah, its turquoise."
I nod. "I like back, maybe dark blue" Im not interesting like she is, Im trying to be but its hard to do.
"Okay then, whats your favorite food?" She rests her head on her hands and looks up at me with a small smile.
"Cereal" cereal is the first thing that came to my mind. Its all I have been eating lately so it might as well be. I remember my moms comment earlier today about how I loved pop tarts. "Or pop tarts" I add in.
My focus shifts to a group of kids walking in, they look a bit younger than I do. I make eye contact with one and his eyes widen, he almost gasps then whispers something in a girls ear standing beside him. They both look at me and then share their secret with the rest of their group. Lauren turns to look the direction I am and notices them looking at me again. She directs her attention back to me and mouths the word 'what?' as she does so she holds her palms toward the sky at her shoulders. I simply shake my head and sigh, I don't want her to know. She has to think I'm normal. Please let me be normal.
A few moments pass without either of us speaking. Instead she got back to organising her papers while I just sat pretending to be busy. The boys and girls decided to sit closer to us keeping their obvious talk about me loud.
"You go talk to him!" a girl giggled behind me.
"Okay fine I will!" said another. Are they really talking about me? Fuck. Can this please be over? I lean on the table with my elbows and rub my temples. "Hey you!" theres a nudge on my shoulder.
It takes me a second or two to build up the strength to lift my head. "Yes?" my tone has more edge to it than I would like it to but for some reason I still dont care. No one has the right to be questioning me like this, especially about what im pretty sure they are about to ask.
"Are you Harry styles?" She is shy now, I can tell ive scared her a bit but I dont wish to apologise. I want to scare her a lot more, maybe she and her friends would learn a lesson. I restrain myself.
I clear my throat and look towards Lauren to make sure she is still there. She is. "Yeah thats me. What do you want?" Im really proud of myself for keeping my cool right now. This is good.
"Did you kill Jenny?" Shes quieter but I know that Lauren could still hear beside me. I look towards Lauren quickly and her eyes are wide, her eyebrows are knitted together and I can tell shes silently begging for an answer.
"No," I clinch my teeth. What else am I suppose to say? "I dont even know who that is." The younger girl rolls her eyes giving me an im-not-stupid look and turned away on her heels. Things stay motionless through Laurens small limbs. "I suppose now you'd like an explanation." My attention is only on the girl I had met only about an hour ago. She shakes her head.
"I should go I think." Everything in my wants to scream and hold her down here because she doesn't know, maybe she should know but I'm scared she will treat my differently. Fuck she will already do that, she thinks I'm a murderer.
"Please let me explain." I grab her wrist lightly, I don't want to hurt her the way my other hand Is hurting my leg under the table.
"Okay" she says quietly, I know shes uncofortable by the way shes looking around but I cant let that stop me. I stand up and take the neat stack she made of papers and ask for her to follow me on a walk which she accepts kindly. Shes not a rude person, I expected that much.
"About a month or so ago I had gotten in a wreck." Im about a head and neck taller than her so I look over her head at the trees that are bare. Its cold outside but not snowing yet.
"What happened?" She is already invested into what I have to say. How could she not be though? This is a murder story to her.
"Um Im not sure.." Its true. I have no idea at all. "Well I guess I was with my um girlfriend and it was bad" I pause to think about how to explain what I mean by 'bad'. "So she stayed in the hospital for two days from what I understand.. but she didnt last longer than that." My eyes squint at the sun, my face is numb from the cold but it feels nice, at least I can feel something right?
"Oh my god" she gasped, her big brown eyes filled with sorrow and she looked truely devastated. "I bet she was beautiful and perfect and sweet and kind, I bet she was just amazing to you" Shes looking around her mouth slightly open and her eyebrows together.
I let out out a puff of air, naming it a laugh. She has no idea yet that I have no idea what I thought about her. "I bet so too" Lauren looks at me confused so I decide to explain myself "I survived obviously but I came out with brain damage. I was in a coma for about a week and in the hospital for a little longer. I cant remember anything up until the day I woke up."My hands shove into the pockets of my pants as I look away from her because judging by her last reactions, this one will be devastating. We walk silently for a few minutes before she breaks it.
"I wanna know more" her eyes look glossy almost, her cheeks pink from the air and her hair blown back. I shrug and look around. anywhere but here would be a good place to look at the moment, her personality and ora is still sweet and undamaged. Its strange how we are both so pure and innocent but in such different ways. She is oblivious to real pain, not broken bones and scratches but lives and your own rights to remember being stolen. Im oblivious to the world, knowledge and how to live. We both have so much to learn.
"What would you like to know" I ask leading her to a picnic table in a park.
"Whatever you want to tell!" Her smile is bright and her eyes are big. "I really like stories" she she nods once, sinking into her shoulders slightly.
"Okay" my brain is racking for something, anything to tell her "I don't know much. By my accent I'm sure I've grown up around here" I wave my hand around referring to England. I stop to really collect what to say. "uhh im sorry I really dont know" my cheeks go red in a heartbeat and I drop my head to hide them.
"I understand" she sits back and observes me. "You seem to be kind of a mystery" I can see joy and and amazement in her eyes though im not sure what there is to be excited about. Shes very animated I've noticed, full of life and curiosity. "You seem so sad." She frowns. I am sad.
"A mystery that wont ever be fully solved. So not a mystery at all, just a forgotten personality" it takes a moment for my words to sink into both of us. Did that even make sense? It probably sounded really stupid. Good going Styles.
She looks up into my eyes, hers full of thought "lets find it, who you were" I don't know what to think.
"No its no use." I sigh and put her papers that I had rolled and put into the pocket of my hoodie onto the table beside her. She looks halfway crushed when I find myself standing up without her. "It was nice meeting you" I leave Lauren alone with nothing but a nod goodbye.
Where is my house?
I rub my eyes and temples over and over when I walk into my home.
"Whats wrong son" My dads deep voice booms into my ears. My eyes scan the room to find him folding clothes im assuming for me.
"Nothing, wheres mum?"
"Shes at home feeding the cats and cleaning up a bit dont worry she will be back" im immediately confused. Im guessing that my dad realises because he looks at me and laughs. "This is your flat, did you think we all lived in a one bedroom flat together? You're in collage son. Guess that would have been nice to explain to you! We've been staying over helping you until you are fully stable. Looks like we will be getting to go home soon." My flat? This is weird, I hadnt even thought about my age until my dad just brought it up. On que, as if he could read my mind he spoke up once again. "Youre 19 son, 20 coming up here in a few months."
"Alright then.." I say awkwardly. How do you reply to something like that? My phone buzzes in my pocket, begging me to look at it. A text from Ethan is displayed on the screen and I immediately open it, walking down a hallway into my room.
Hey Harry.. im really sorry, let me come over so we can hang out? You may not feel the same way right now but youre my bestfriend and I miss you man
Even though Im upset with him from yesterday I am glad to see his text. No I don't want him over, I want to morn by myself over my dead girlfriend that I don't even remember but I cant do that. Its morbid and weird. I need to hang out with Ethan.
sure come over, by the way Im not sorry about yesterday douche, I don't miss you because I don't remember you but come see me.
I wait for my message to send before kicking off my shoes and turning on the tv to pass the time. I don't worry about my message sounding rude, I can tell he's a sarcastic person anyways. He probably laughed.