The calming aroma of melted cheese and almost burnt toast fills the heated air of my small flat. I cant deny the fact that im enjoying a girl in my home laughing and chatting away about her brother and how they would always have small competitions while her parents would work sun rise to sun down to keep their loved children above pampered in the summers. Her lips curve and fold into fascinating shapes letting words trickle swiftly from them, I want to know if mine do that too. Im weird, I know. We cant all be perfect though. Occasionally ill nod and smile or when shes laughing I will also, its not that I find her un-amusing or boringly dreadful.. its her daggering brown eyes that chirp for me to focus on them while her pink lips say otherwise. I cant focus on what shes telling me.
Her nose ruffles into small crinkles as she laughs and pushes her hair from her face every so often and I cant help but feel completely taken in by her bitter sweet scent. "You know what I mean?" She laughs and I'm temporarily caught off guard, I have no idea what she means because I havent exactly been listening.
"Yeah" I whisper with one nod of the head leaving it looking down at my hands. They twist together and I watch as they fit like a puzzle.
"Whats wrong?" Lauren's head drops to meet mine and she pushes a loose curl back from my forehead. I need her to stop, I don't want her to touch me or like me anymore. Im going to end up hurting her I know it. The feeling Im getting right now is weird, its the feeling I have in my dreams when I look at who I assume is Jenny, we always end up crashing after those feelings come and in all honesty, I believe ill always be scared of the small butterflies that may again fill my stomach.
"Nothing" I smile and stand up from my glass kitchen table, we have been sitting here finished eating for at least an hour now and my bum is beginning to numb from the weight of my body. I stack the plates we used and mentally applaud myself for grabbing the paper ones so I could easily dispose of them. I do think I would describe myself as lazy and stand offish, I'm quiet also. Its not that I don't talk on purpose.. just most of my words get caught up in my thoughts and never make it past my mouth.
Lauren is hesitant when she stand up but I see her swiftly make the decision to take small strides into my living room. I watch as she stops next to my CD player, her eyes closely examining the buttons. "Breaking Benjamin huh?" She smirks and spins the thin plated disk on her finger. I had no idea what was in that Cd player.. actually, I was unaware that I owned anything musically related at all. I shrug my shoulders and lean on the wall seperating the hallway and living room.
The light from the fireplace affects the colour of her face noticeably, it illuminates half of it an orangey colour and leaves the other side in the shadows. The flames flicker heat causing her cheeks to be slightly more pink than the rest of her paled body. The music plays shortly after she presses a button leavinf Lauren walking towards me, her smile big and bright.
"Do you know how to dance?" She asks. No and I don't want to. I don't want to know how and I don't want you to touch me. Don't let me ruin you Lauren how stupid must you be I cant be normal.
"No" I stutter watching as she grabs my left hand softly and places it on the small of her back. Get off I beg. A small warm palm rests on my shoulder and our free hands connect. I can only imagine how awkward I look, my posture is almost too correct as I use only my neck and head to look down at her. I cant get myself to pull away but I need to. She isnt smiling but at the same time theres no way shes angered or appalled. Satisfaction is the only way to describe the blank gaze that meets mine. Does everyone randomly dance in the living room to music that couldnt be worse to match? Maybe this is normal and Its okay to be doing this.The song that is on sings 'dear agony, please let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its got to be?' the lyrics sound as if they could be sung in a slow tone but the mans voice makes them sound more masculine and strong. A polar opposite of the dance she is now guiding me through step by step.
"You're really different Harry" Her voice is hushed but holds true meaning.
"I havent exactly had a normal life" I mumble, not in a grumpy way. Just a mumble to keep myself quiet.
"I want to know more" She blurts. Her eyes go wide I assume because shes realised how abruptly she had spoke. The smile on my face isn't easy to hide, Im excited for someone to be interested in me and I wouldn't mind telling her my life story. The only problem with that is that I don't have one.. or I don't know it myself. Only as friends I promise myself. Love doesn't exist for me anyways.
"So do I" I finally agree. We aren't really dancing anymore, just kind of swaying slowly. My hands are now holding her sides firmly and she is reaching up with her arms hooked around my neck. We stare into each others eyes for a good few minutes and as odd as it sounds, it isnt awkward. Okay its a little awkward. I want to stop really bad. But she is quiet and something I really enjoy is silence, noisy places combined with my multitude of thoughts gives me a headache and almost makes it seem as if im going crazy. I dont like feeling crazy, I would much rather feel normal and so silence is a comfortable fit.
"I know you dont want me to help" Lauren's eyes flicker down "But I have to and for Gods sake, you have to know as much as you can." Her voice is soft to match her eyes. Her sorrowful face looks up at me begging for me to understand so I do.
"I know" I whisper in her ear. I do know, it really wont be hard to figure out, I mean both my parents and Ethan would tell me hours of stories if I asked. I just cant bare to hear them. They don't sound like me. I can only imagine how uncomfortable this is for her, I feel weird too due to my laziness and not shaving in a few days my whiskers haven't waited to grow and I probably look weird with them. "Meet my parents" I finally suggest.
"We've only met" Lauren states the obvious ruining the moment.
I roll my eyes slightly and move my head away to look down at her. "Jesus Christ! Im not asking you to marry me! Im asking you to say hello to my mum and dad" I smile as I speak to provide that I am joking with her so she is not offended.
Her eyes roll and then fix on me narrowed. "Fine" I try not to smile at the satisfaction I've just gained but she notices. "Don't get too happy Harry this isn't a proposal" Lauren smirks, obviously very amused by her own joke that I don't register as funny at all.
We are still swaying.. Ive only just now remembered because my feet are beginning to ache. I should probably start working out or something because Ive done literally nothing physical since the wreck, Unless you count walking all over town because I'm too chicken to drive. I haven't thought about actually going to a gym because Im a pretty lanky kid but Im quickly understanding that the fact doesn't matter. "Would you like to watch a film?" I cross my fingers that she will say yes only because sitting sounds right up my ally at the moment. I cant kick her out of my house without sounding rude but Im tired.
She nods, her chocolate hair bouncing with the over dramatic gesture. Her eyes look sort of tired, or at least more tired than she looked walking into my home that is. I lead her towards a chest filled with old films and tapes for her to choose out of, I must have hundreds just stacked and stacked into the small space.
Lauren moves to her knees and digs in the chest. Her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth. I honestly cant believe someone so real is in such a losers flat, if I were her I would have made some excuse to leave and Id run far away. I guess thats an up to this situation, she isn't me. Lauren is sweet, and caring, and thoughtful not rude, and selfish, and sketchy.
"Can we watch monsters inc.?" Her eyes go wide as she holds the disk container high like its some sort of prize or something.
I chuckle. "Sure" My large fingers break open the small thin box and pry the disk from its holder so I can place it into the player.
Soon we are sitting lazily on my sofa. Lauren laughs loudly at almost every part with the small child that has welcomed herself into the two monsters lives. I try to stay awake because it would be really awkward to fall asleep with her here but its easier said than done. I fell asleep and Jenny's voice was back in my head.
PLEASE OH PLEASE FAVOURITE AND COMMENT AND LIKE AND SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO I LOVE YOU
Also guys, the girl I see as Lauren is Olivia Cooke because shes so pretty?????
Harry is Harry
Jenny is Hayden Panettiere with shorter hair I guess