I guess in a way I'm thankful for the mysterious girl who has drawn me in but left me to find her again. For starters I have actually been trying to go out to find her. Its been a week and I've gone about everywhere you could think of, of course the possibilities of her being there are slim. As soon as I leave she could be walking through the door or vice versa.
My nightmares have continued. Not the same one all the time of course but a nightmare is a nightmare. Some nights I relive the wreck, those nights I can't bare to sleep again. But recently they have been about me searching for something that I never seem to find. I don't know what it is im looking for but the feeling of being so close consumes me and fuels me to keep my search up. Nothing ever comes out of it however. I guess thats not considered a nightmare after all is it? Just a repetitive uncompleted dream.
Eleven missed calls from Ethan. Shit. He is probably worried sick. I haven't talked to him in a few days, Ive been busy playing wheres Waldo with Lauren it seems. Its hasnt been in me to pick up the phone. He probably just wants to take me by the library or something extremely wasteful like that. I cant even think straight enough to talk to someone, I only want to find her.
Whats puzzled me the most is how obsessed ive become over someone I don't know. Its not like I have a crush on her or anything.. she just reminds me of being happy and its infatuating.
I reach up, bending backwards and yawn loud. My hand connects with my face rubbing it once in preparation to get up. Today I guess I'll go see Ethan. Maybe the key to finding her isn't trying. The best things happen when you least expect them right?
I slip on a pair of jeans torn at the knees. They are worn out quite a bit but they fit so its not like I'm complaining. I slide a dark blue t-shirt over my head and push my fingers through my messy curls. This is good enough for public I think. Who cares anyways. Everyone knows me as the biggest wreck in the town. I laugh at myself and slide on a pair of converse and grab my phone.
Hey whats your address?
Maybe thats too settle of a text to send him after not answering in a while.. better than nothing though, right?
My phone buzzes in my hand and I give it my attention.
Harry where are you, oh my god what the fuck is wrong with you?! Why have you been ignoring me Ive been so worried..I thought it would be better to give you space. whats wrong with you!
I smile at his response and continue to text him telling him that he sounds like my mother and I really do need his address.
As I walk to his home cars pass me on the street and people attempt to smile at me or wave every so often. I know that multiple roumeres have spread about me being a murderer and that I planned to kill both of us and me surviving was an accident. The people around here piss me off. I hate that they all think im stupid, too slow to catch on and that I actually believe they are all my friends. Sick people.
Finally I come to my destination and walk up his sidewalk opening his door without knocking.
A tall lanky figure slinks into the living room. "You scared me!" Ethans voice registers in my head and I can't help but smile. He is the constant in my new life. Even though its only been going for a few weeks now hes proven himself trustworthy multiple times.
"Hey sorry I haven't been around much" I hug my best friend and pat his back once so that he lets me go.
"No its cool.. hey actually im glad you decided to come around today. I was applying for my second semester classes and wanted to help you too."
I rub my temples and walk into his kitchen. "I dont even know what I want to do" I groan as I pour myself a glass of milk.
"I do" He smirks and raises an eyebrow. "You wanted to become a math teacher. You're very good at math..well you were for sure. The doctor told me that before choosing your courses we should check your talents. Because of how random brain damage is you could have completely different skills, on a different note, they could also still be very much the same."
I throw my head back and take a bite of a banana. "So much work" I complain dragging out my words.
"Come on I'll pull up old work from your course. See if youre able to do it. They said if math isn't easy for you then your artistic abilities could be outstanding. You used to suck at drawing so good luck! Aw man what if youre like a totally sick singer or musician?!"
I roll my eyes and follow him to his computer where he quickly pulls up a few problems and sits back. I pull up a chair and stare at the screen with a blank expression. My thoughts are overlapping and I'm making this way fucking harder than it is. "Fuck" I whisper. I know what to do, I remember it some. "Twenty three" I finally reply with my fingers crossed. He scrolls down at the answer and nods.
"Not bad" he laughs. "Seriously I want to see you draw though."
"Not a fucking chance" I don't want to draw. I really don't want to do math much either. I want to help people with problems like me and I want to be good for something. "Don't sign me up for anything yet okay?" He nods and clicks the tab he had been on before. "What are you gonna do?"
"Im gonna fix computers and stuff like that" It fits him perfectly. I can tell how slick he is with the computer as he searches through different sites to help him choose his classes wisely and prepare as well as he can.
"How much time do we have until school starts?" I really hope it will be a while. I don't even want to think about it.
"About two weeks" He replies staring at the screen. My mouth drops and I roll my eyes. Two weeks? I don't even know what to take.
"So what grade are we in.. or year of collage I guess" I get up and push my chair into the desk.
"This is our second year of collage" He shapes a cross along the width of his shoulders and from his forehead so chest. I laugh and move back to the kitchen to throw away my banana peel and search through his pantry once again. Im really hungry, being alone isn't as easy as it seems when you don't know how to make anything but ramen noodles.
I pull out a bag of Doritos and open the bag greedily licking my lips.
Before I know it I've inhaled half of the bag and am laying on his couch watching family guy. This show is pointless and fails to make me laugh at all.
I take out my phone and begin to go through my pictures like I've been doing a lot lately also. They all upset me. You would think it would be hard to forget my girlfriend..or ex girlfriend Jenny when the beautiful girls face is all over my phone. Pictures of us together everywhere. I look through our texts over and over again. I don't remember any of it, It seems almost impossible that I sent these messages. None of it sounds like my helpless self now. My long fingers clamp my phone tighter and I cover my face. Why me? Why did this shit have to happen to me? Im so pissed off this isn't fair I just want to be normal.
I slide off of the couch letting my legs fall first and then my torso. I need to leave and get some food. Im starving.
"Hey Ethan I think I'm gonna head out" I yell to him but he's still into his computer. Without waiting for his reply I walk out of his house and shut his front door securely behind me.
Its cold outside and im about ready to be back inside as soon as I am out. I decide to stop by a fast food restaurant right down the street so that I can be back on my way home soon.
When I walk into the small building theres a short line of people that moves fairly quickly. I make my way up to the desk and the lady gives me a warm smile. I awkwardly smile back not sure of what to do and order my food.
"Just wait right off to the side there" She points to where she wants me to be and nods. I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other and mess with my hair. Only one person has looked at me weird so thats good. Lets see how long that lasts though.
"One chocolate milk and a basket of french fries" The same lady is holding my order and staring right at me.
"Oh thanks" I Grab my food and she smiles with sorrow in her eyes.
"Have a nice day Harry" she replies. What the fuck.. how does she know my name. My feet are just as scared as I am, pulling me out of there fast.
I walk home eating my french fries as I make up sarcastic remarks that would probably fall from Lauren's mouth if she saw me eating this for a meal. As pathetic as it sounds, I smile when the image of her scrunching her nose and shaking her head appears. Why is she the only person that seems so real to me?