15. Do You Love Him?
“Are we there yet” Niall sighed letting his head fall onto my shoulder. “Niall it’s been ten minutes how impatient are you?” I chuckled back sleepily; he let out another sigh and was silent for a few moments. “What about now?” he yelled into my ear causing me to jump, “Yes we’re there” I rolled my eyes sarcastically “Really?” He yelled in excitement bouncing like a little kid “No.” I slapped him on the shoulder for making me jump. A good ten minutes passed, the sun was now peaking through the clouds and fighting off the rain lighting the carriage that we were sat in. The train was packed full of families with kids screaming and shouting over seats about their older siblings stealing their sweets. Me and Niall were sat in a cosy two seater, we were close enough that I could hear him breathing.
“Do you love Harry?” The question caught me off guard and surprised me slightly; Niall’s blue eyes pierced the side of my face as I thought out my answer. Breathing heavily in and out I simply felt defeated and replied with a simple “Yes” tears gathering in my eyes. “Then you need to talk to him” he breathed out hopelessly “I know, I just feel like I have nothing left to say Niall. I love him with every beat in my heart but I feel that there’s nothing left to save, that was probably the last straw and the wakeup call I needed” I wiped away the tears that were yet to fall and stared back at Niall who was nodding at what I was saying. “Truth is he cheated Luce, you might love him still but there’s always going to be trust issues now maybe you should just let go but whatever you do all I want you to be is happy” Niall placed his hand on my cheek and I leant towards the warmth of his hand we sat there until I decided to cut the silence “Who came up with the term cheating, anyway Niall? A cheater, Imagine. Someone who thought ‘liar’ was too harsh. Someone who thought ‘devastator’ was too emotional. The same person that thought ‘Oops, he’s gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar’. Fuck Him. This isn’t about slipping an extra twenty pound of Monopoly money. This was our lives Niall. He went and broke our lives. He is so much worse that a cheater. He killed something. Something that we had” I had finally lost it, my heart had finally decided to give way and break into a million pieces and I now know there really is no going back. Tears flooded from my eyes and everyone on the train stared as I sobbed onto Niall’s shoulder, he held me close not saying a word probably not knowing what to say but all I needed right now was to be held. “Look at me Lucy, Lucy look at me” Niall pulled up my chin so that I was gazing into his eyes “I’m not letting you cry anymore, not today, and today we are going to the beach to eat ice cream in the pouring rain and ride on the roller coasters and you are going to plant a fucking smile of your beautiful face whether you like it or not, are we clear?” his blue eyes glistened with desperation as he made my head nod with his hand, letting out a faint laugh we locked our eyes on each others. Moments went by and Niall finally unlocked his eyes from mine and stared out of the window. “Urhm Niall” I said faintly staring at the back of his head “Mmmh” was all I heard as he continued to look out of the window at the world passing by. Tell him Lucy, you should tell him. “The thing is Niall” my hands became all clammy and Niall turned to face me his blue orbs focusing my green ones “Yeah?” he became suddenly impatient “Well urh”.
I couldn’t find the exact words, what should I say?
‘Thank you?’ No.
‘You’re the one decent person I have in my life promise me that you won’t leave.’ No.
‘Thank you, thank you for being the only one there for me, for completely understanding everything. For putting aside your feelings to help save mine. But the thing is I actually like you more than you think’ Er No.
*We are now approaching Portsmouth and South Sea, will customers please mind the gap when alighting from the train. Thank you for travelling with us today.* A voice interrupted my thoughts. “We’re here” was all that managed to escape my mouth.