To my fabulously-long-haired-super-duper-gorgeous-amazingly-well-dressed(well, mostly)-and-wonderfully-unicornish-Popsicle,
The train ride here was great! Everyone wanted me in their carriage! Apart from Snotter and Poo Head (HAHAHAHAHAHA)and Mangy and all the other Weasels and all the girls in my year and all the boys in my year and all the girls in the year above and all the girls in the year below and - OH FINE IT WAS A LIE!!!
So, um, ahem, anyway, I am feeling incredibly frustrated with the darned Hogwarts WiFi. It's constantly crashing whilst I'm playing on Moshi Monste- I mean, checking my online bank status. To which I totally didn't forget my password...
Also, do you know what Hogwarts named the WiFi system? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY NAMED THE WIFI SYSTEM????
THEY CALLED IT: HOGWART'S WIFI!!
I know!!! It's such a clever name!! I thought they'd call it something stupid like 'Defense Against The Dark WiFi' or 'The Forbidden WiFi'...but oh no, they went a whole step above!!! I mean, just listen to it! It's almost as great a name as if I, Captain Awesomepants had chosen it!!!!
HOGWARTS WIFI. So, so inventive! Almost as good as the nickname 'Potter'.
I know, I know, you just can't get over my nick-naming talent, but I have far more to tell you. You see, none other then Pansy Parkinson (A.K.A. PansyWansyWansyWoo) has asked me out on another date! This time, we're going to the sweet shop in Hogsmeade to buy Butter Beer (oh, I know! So grown-up! I'm nearly as adult as you, Popsy!) and then we'll be off to watch the sunnset go down...before she'll probably punch me in the face again, but ill! I swear I'll make my PansyWansyWansyWoo have the time of her life! You mark my word, Popsy-Wopsy!
Wait... can I call you Popsy-Wopsy from now on? Popsicle was just a little bit boring... so I changed it to Popsy... but that also got slightly lame... so it's Popsy-Wopsy now! You don't mind, do you? Good! :)Ooh... Or how about Popsy - that dad dude of the FAMOUS DRACO MATILDA MALFOY. I put my name in capitals just to EMPHASISE how important I am.
Other words I put in capitals are...
DARK PIZZA JUNIOR
THE ONE AND ONLY DARK PIZZA
SCHNABE BABE (aka the babe that is Severus Grape)
UNICORNS (I've put them twice because they're doubly super cool)
GALINDA THE GOOD WITCH <3
SELENA GOMEZ <3
And that's it for now darling Popsypoo but I'll send you updates on my list regularly! Love you almostbutnotquiteasmuchasilovepansywansywansywooandunicorns...
Your awesomtastic almost death eater/a unicorn/pansy's boyfriend/really, truly, honestly famous child...
Draco Matilda Malfoy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx