Draco Malfoy and the Better-Than-Potter's-Broomstick

The sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake. Join Draco as he embarks on his hilarious second year at Hogwarts through numerous scrapbook entries. Made for laughs. Enjoy! XD

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27. The Dumb Journal

Hello. My name is Draco Matilda Malfoy and this is my brand new journal that I totally did not find in the girls' bathroom on the first floor of the castle.

*dramatically vanishes*

Hello Draco. I am Tom Marvolo Riddle.

*dramatically vanishes and picture of a orange potato appears*

*orange potato dramatically vanishes*

What the unicornfur just happened? You aren't Tom Marvolo Riddle... You are just a dumb journal.

*dramatically vanishes*

You are talking to me, Tom Marvolo Riddle, a memory preserved within this journal. And sorry, that picture was of my lunch... I sent it to the wrong journal, sorry... My mum just asked what I had for tea and EvilJournalthatSucksoutYourSoul.net is soooooooo hard to use....

*dramatically vanishes*

Wonderful. I enjoy orange potatoes too. We should start a fan club!! Say, Tom, would you know anything of Dumbledore's secret stash of unicorns?

*dramatically vanishes*

Yes.

*dramatically vanishes*

Show me.

*dramatically vanishes*

No.

*dramatically vanishes*

What? No? How dare you disobey the AMAING AND SO UNICORNTASTIC DRACO MALFOY? You should be bowing down before me, Tom! I am ALIVE and you are nothing but a stupid memory in a dumb book!

*dramatically vanishes*

Oh, my poor Draco... Your deepest wish is to be my right hand man, yet despite our shared love of delicious orange potatoes, you are very annoying sometimes. VERY annoying. Besides, you didn't let me finish. I can't tell you. I can show you.

*dramatically vanishes*

Draco sees a bright, white light shining from the middle of the book, followed by a totally unnecessary flipping of pages and other dramaticness. 

Sorry, Draco. I can't show you. You are not worthy enough for it to work.

*dramatically vanishes*

What in the name of the Dark Pizza are you talking about? I am so worthy! And ooh what great dramaticness you have, can you give me some tips on impressing Pansy? She's my girlfriend. Ish. Sort of. Okay, she's not. But one day she will realise I'm as cool as I think I am.

*dramatically vanishes*

Relax. I'll tell you. But just promise me you won't say the Dark Pizza ever again.It's embarrassing. And thank you, I spent a lot of time on that dramaticness. It means so much to me that you like it!!!! Love you, you're the best fan ever Draco!!!!!!!!!! BTW your father paid me to say that. (And no. Sorry, I can't teach you. Trade secrets.)

*dramatically vanishes*

Soooo..... You want me to tell you about Dumble's secret stash of... *whispers* Plastic bags?

*dramatically vanishes*

Ooookkkk.... TELL ME ALREADY! Wait, PLASTIC BAGS?! What the Dark Pizza are you talking about???I'll bet the unicorns are so eager to meet me! They've been so patient all this time! When their master finally arrives, oh I can't even imagine how happy they'll be!

*dramatically vanishes*

I'm sorry, Draco. I can't tell you directly. Just follow Potty head and Weasel brain and Goldilocks tomorrow night, ok? And seriously, no more Dark Pizza, okay? My favourite pizzas are rainbow coloured. I mean really, 'Dark Pizza' how totally gloomy. 

*dramatically vanishes*

And they'll take me to the unicorns?

*dramatically vanishes*

What unicorns? Oh! Dumbledore's secret stash! Right! Of course! Yeah! Just follow them.

*dramatically vanishes*

Oh, Tom! You're the best! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you -

*dramatically vanishes before Draco finishes*

Shut up and close the dumb journal already!

*The Dumb Journal slams shut*

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