Draco Malfoy and the Better-Than-Potter's-Broomstick

The sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake. Join Draco as he embarks on his hilarious second year at Hogwarts through numerous scrapbook entries. Made for laughs. Enjoy! XD


35. Letter Home

Dear Popsy Pie,

                OH MY GOD I DON’T WANT TO COME HOME I LOVE HOGWARTS SO MUCH I WANT TO STAY HERE FOR EVEEEEEEEEER! This year has literally been the most fabulously, unbelievably, unicorntastically, (dark) pizzalicious year!

Well apart from that time when Gryddinfor (is that how you spell it?) beat us at Quidditch. But, other than that, it’s been a great year.

And that day Pansy hit me on the head with my own broomstick. Which was pretty much every day.

But, I guess it's still been an okay year.

Not quite terrific, but okay, if you don't count all that stuff when the most Pizzariffic Overlord nearly killed Potty then didn’t. And instead Potty won the house cup. And I got goo on my robes. And my hair became super greasy because I forgot to blow dry it properly. And Goyle ate my new hair extensions. And I'm not even the king of the unicorns, because Dumbledore's secret stash isn't even real or anything. OH MY FLUFFY UNICORNS THIS HAS ACTUALLY BEEN SUCH A HORRIBLE YEAR I HATE HOGWARTS I HATE EVERYONE HERE I JUST WANT TO COME HOME AND CRY AND YOU AND MUMSY CAN GIVE ME LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES AND WE CAN BAKE A CAKE FILLED WITH RAINBOWS AND SMILES AND EVERYONE WOULD EAT IT AND BE HAPPY.

I’m not crying right now, thought I would just let you know that. My eyes are just extremely watery. Hay fever, you know? Always comes about at this time of year, when it isn't even hay fever season, but whatever. Whatever. 

Hay fever.

It's definitely hay fever.

But anyways, even though this has been a rubbish year, I am still the most handsomest, popularist boy in the whole school! Duh. Who else would be? Mangy? That poobrain, Weasley? Snotter? No way. Every hates him now, since he saved the school and was all heroic and stuff. 

Like, WTH, who likes heroes anymore?! Everyone knows that the dark, brooding, powerful, death-eater-in-training, sort-of-a-unicorn ones are TOTALLY the best! Like me! 

Oh, and by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask; is it alright if I start taking ballet lessons next year? Because everyone else is really good at dancing and even though I am obviously the bestest, I still want to learn properly. Plus, Witch Weekly says tutus are adorable.

And I’m repainting my bedroom over the summer (or at least, forcing the house elf to. Wait...we have got a new house elf by now, haven’t we? OH MY TWINKLE TOES (that should be a thing too - I'll tell Crabbe or Goyle to get people saying that - OMTT, how exciting!!) BUT SERIOUSLY, WE NEED A NEW HOUSE ELF, POPSICLE! Otherwise I might have to start doing things like laundry, and cutting my own toenails. ) But anyways, my room; I think I’ve kind of outgrown pink. Pink's for big, stupid babies like Potty. I'm a big boy now I'm in second year, sooooo I was kind of wanting something a bit more...sparkly. You know, like pink and silver with a big fluffy purple bed, and one of those giant unicorn toys from Despicable Me, that adorable muggle movie. 

Not that I've been watching muggle movies. 

Even cute, adorable ones about yellow blob minion things....

And even if I had, you and mummy wouldn't mind, would you????

Oh, please get me one, most darlingist popsy kins, PWITTY PWEEEEEEEEESE??

But anyway, got to go, I think Dumby (did you know he was back as headmaster again? Sad times) is about to give me my award for being the most perfect unicorn-in-training in the whole of Hogwarts. 

See you tomorrow (ugh, train journey – booooooriiiiiiiing).

Give mumsy loves of smileys and huggsies from me!

Your bestest ever boy/unicorn,

Draco Matilda Malfoy.



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