Draco Malfoy and the Better-Than-Potter's-Broomstick

The sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake. Join Draco as he embarks on his hilarious second year at Hogwarts through numerous scrapbook entries. Made for laughs. Enjoy! XD


30. Draco Cam

Draco cam:


Well hello there, minions! It’s me, Queen Dracella, reporting from the Slytherin common room. I am about to undergo a top secret mission – HEY! CRABBE! PUT THAT DOWN! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TOUCHING DRACEY’S THINGS?! – Now that Crabbe's done irritating me by messing around with my potion that definitely doesn't happen to be a love potion that I was planning on giving to Pansy because she seems to have forgotten how much she loves me... Yea... it obviously wasn't that.

But anyway, like I was saying, I'm about to undergo a top-secret mission to discover the whereabouts of Dumbly’s hidden stash of unicorns! Ooooooohhh this is soooo exciting! I knew it was true, I just knew it! Mysterious-Memory-of-Tom-Riddle-from-the-Dumb-Journal said all I had to do to discover the unicorns is follow the three lame-o-teers at exactly 5:10 tonight. It is currently 4:36. Better get going.

Hmm. I wonder where they’ll be? Well, Mangy is still petrified (yay!), but Weaselhead is so greedy he’ll probably be stuffing his face in the great hall. I’ll head off down there then. This is Draco, signing off!


4:41. Outside the Slytherin common room.     Mission is going well so far, however no sign of Potty and Weasel (hereafter referred to as ‘the targets’) yet.


4:43 In the corridor.   My toothbrush is safe in my pocket for 5:09. Ugh, just stubbed my toe. Why is it always my TOE? This mission sucks... I quit.


4:43:30 Still in the corridor. WAIT, DRACO, THINK ABOUT THE UNICORNS! Must. Continue. Mission.


4: 48 Just arrived at the great hall.  No sign of ‘the targets’. Hmmm. What do I do now?


4: 49 In the great hall.    Waiting...


4:50 Still in the great hall.  Booooored...


4:51 Still in the sucky great hall.  ....


4:52 At the Slytherin table.   OOOOOH, CAKE!! Nobody said there was CAKE!!


4:53 Slytherin table.   No Draco, remember your diet.... it was in Witch Weekly’s ‘top ten tips to slim those hips’...no cake.... Besides, gotta focus on... wait what do I have to focus on again?


4:55 Slytherin table.   Ugh, go away Snotter and Weasel, you’re so – WAIT! THE MISSION! They’re leaving! Quick follow them!


4:59 Outside Professor Lockhart’s office.  Just followed Potter and Weasley all the way up here from the great hall. They’re in there having some looong, boring conversation – which as far as I can tell, has nothing to do with unicorns. Using the time, very wisely though; practising my pouting excersises which, according LilPrincess Magazine is supposed to make your lips more attractive. That's sure to impress those unicornys!


5:06 Hiding outside Goldilocks' office.   Oh! Oh! Oh! Here they come! Now Blockheart is with them. He looks worried. Maybe he’s broken a nail or something.


5:07 Outside Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.     Um, Potty, are you crazy? Well, obviously yes, but really? Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom? Even the GIRLS don't go in there! Ugh, well, no choice but to follow...


5:08 Inside Moaning Myrtle’s Bathroom.    Um, well, there’s basically a huge hole in the floor where the sinks used to be. I think that’s where they’ve gone- ew! Gross, it’s all coated in slime. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Where is my hand sanitizer?! Ew, have I got to go down there? Tom said to follow them.... at 5:10. It's 5:08 still. Two minutes... What to do... What to do...?


5:09 Still inside Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom.  BRUSHING TIME! Time to brush those sparkly teeth of mine! Brushy brushy brush brush. Good thing I got my toothbrush with me, huh? And even gooder a thing that Pottyhead and Weaselbrain decided to visit a bathroom on their Unicorn-Stash-Voyage, huh? I gotta scrub that enamel to make it shine like Professor Goldilocks' teeth! Right?


5:10 Follow 'em! It's time! Time for the big entry of the amazing Dracella! Yup! That's me! It's 5:10, so according to Tom, I gotta go after Snotter and Weasel if I want my unicorns! Oh no... gotta jump into the pit... the disgusting... horrific... gross pit. I'd prefer Tartarus to this. Ah well. I want those unicorns, though, don't I? Wish me luck, unicorn-lovers! Dracella, signing off! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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