Draco Malfoy and the Better-Than-Potter's-Broomstick

The sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake. Join Draco as he embarks on his hilarious second year at Hogwarts through numerous scrapbook entries. Made for laughs. Enjoy! XD


6. Dear Diary

Dear Diary....

OMDP, you are NEVER going to believe what happened today! Never in ten million billion trillion years. Which, btw, means EVER! 

Poo head and Potty drove to HogWarts in a flying vehicle, right. Which the so irresponsible idiots didn't seem to realise was AGAINST THE LAW!!! So being the good, sweet little angel I am, I texted Popsy, a loyal ministery worker and part time death eater, on the Hogwarts Wifi System... And then, under my genius instructions, he sent the gullible tomatoes a HOWLER!!!! I know, I know. Just call me awesome - Because I am! No pictures please... I need some me time!

So fatherkins posed as Mrs Weasel, his high pitched walrus voice the perfect choice for this impression. I'm even thinking of upgrading him to capitals for this performance!! And anyway, Popsicle was like, 

"Did you imbeciles know that gullible has been taken out of the dictionary??

Did you two realise that if you say gullible reeaaaallllllyyyyyy slowly it sounds like orange??

Hey look boys! Gullible is written on the ceiling!!!!" 

And then Potty and Poo Head actually DIDNT BELIEVE HIM!!! OMDP!!! Those guys are so stupid they didn't even believe Popsy when he was obviously telling the truth!! And then guess what!!! Popsy wopsy said (well, more like yelled at the top of his walrus voice) - 

"Have you seen the clown that hides from idiots?" 

AND BOTH OF THEM SAID YES!!!!!! Well really, I know for a fact that that's a lie because I haven't seen the clown who hides from idiots and believe me, I see EVERYTHING that happens around Hogwarts!

Then, to top it all off, Popsy was like,

" And tell Draceypoo that his Popsy wopsy is REALLY REALLY sorry he forgot to pack Mr. Unicornpants in his case but he's sending him in via the Pureblood Express which only Purebloods are allowed to use or run. Much higher class than Mudblood Mail. Anyway, so Captain Awesome'll have his teddy back soon!! Tell him kisses and love!!"

Then the howler exploded into this reaaalllly cool glittery purple smoke and I just stood there amazed. Suddenly, everyone was laughing and pointing at me and I realised that somehow without knowing it I'd done something super duper funny. But I'm still not sure what. 

Despite this though, I stood on my seat so everyone could see me and screamed out my name over all the noise and after I told them my middle name they just laughed even harder! I think I'm a really great comedian somehow......Maybe I could make a job out of it one day? Hmmmm.....

Leaving you with this thought darling diary, I sign off because it's almost past my bedtime. I have to be asleep by six thirty pm if I want my skin looking fresh and rejuvenated for pansywansywoo!!

Lots of love and dreams of happiness and sunshine,

Draco Matilda Malfoy (Just call me captain awesome :))




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