Draco Malfoy and the Better-Than-Potter's-Broomstick

The sequel to Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake. Join Draco as he embarks on his hilarious second year at Hogwarts through numerous scrapbook entries. Made for laughs. Enjoy! XD


11. DA Sparks's Entry (5th Place)

Hello all my fabulous fans!!! Although obviously you’re not as amazing as me the great Draco Matilda Malfoy!!!

Now as you’ll all want to know I’m currently waiting (God I hate waiting!) outside the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom which in my opinion is very stupid. I mean when the Dark Pizza takes over we’ll only need a class on how to use dark magic NOT on how to defeat it.

But of course you’ll never defeat me! Go on I dare to try and fight me. The unicorns will save me! I STILL haven’t got a unicorn… Popsicle can’t persuade Dumbly or whatever his name is to let me have one. And get this! He still won’t use the imperious curse on Dumbly  because he says that he will go to Azkaban… Pathetic…

 “Hey Crabbe where’s this pathetic teacher?” I asked.


“Hey! He’s not pathetic!” shouted a voice. I turned around whipping my oh so fabulous blonde hair and I saw Mangy. Urgh. Cooties.

“Go away Mangy I’m a pureblood and I don’t want to catch something from a Mudblood like you” I said sneering and expecting my adorable PansyWansyWoo to fall in to my arms at my awesomeness. She didn’t.

“PansyWansyWoo?” I asked. Where is she?



Someone sniggered behind me and I turned around pulling out my wand (Which was of course filled with Unicorn hair) to see that Irish guy…What’s his name again??? Something Freak…Isn’t it?

Anyway I’ll call him BlowHimselfUpALot. Now isn’t that an absolutely amazing nickname! Yes, yes hold you’re applause people! I know I’m great!

But before he could answer the classroom door banged open. I mean hello? That totally hurt my ever so precious ears…Filthy teacher…

With a wave of his hand he led us into his classroom.


I scoffed and sat down near to Mangy (I don’t have a crush on her (NO HONESTLY, I DONT!!!) I did just so I could copy off her! I love the ever so adorable PansyWansyWoo!) Anyway Mangy guessed what I was up to.

How could have guessed? I am the master of secrets!

In fact just yesterday I was talking to the beautiful wonder that is MY PansyWansyWoo and I said “Hi! PansyWansyWoo please take these epically amazing silver flowers that shine so much like a magical unicorn which are from the amazingly awesome Draco Matilda Malfoy!” but she just laughed and said:

“Seriously Malfoy you’re middle name is MATILDA!” and she burst out laughing again and pointed to the cute pink glittery card which was attached to the flowers . I totally didn’t blush and I said “No it isn’t, the super pretty- But not as beautiful as you, of course - florist  spelt it wrong it s supposed to say Draco Matildo Malfoy”

Because much as I like the name Matilda, Matildo is much more macho. Duh!

But surprisingly and I have no idea how everyone knew my middle name was Matilda the next day.

Anyway back to present. I’m sure you want to know what happens next well…

Mangy began to move but that hideously ugly teacher I believe his name is Looseheart or something (Apparently he’s very famous. Yeah right how can anyone be more famous that yours truly! That’s me if you can’t tell). Well anyway he saw her and he placed her right next to me! Now I can be the smartest one in the class!!! The Dark Pizza and Popsicle will be so pleased with me!!

Oops,  I have to go now my hideously ugly teacher (Who seriously needs some fashion advice from mwah!) is handing out something that looks like a test paper. Oh well I’ll just copy off Mangy.

Oh yeah and remind me I need a self-portrait doing! This teacher has over a hundred! Yes I counted. I do get bored sometimes people and it can be very boring listening to a person talk about himself for ages!


Anyway bye my epically amazing (Though not as amazing as me obviously) unicorntastic fans!     


















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