13. chapter 13
I know it's dumb. I want her back. I know that we've been apart for so long and we were just children when we loved eachother, but I want her back. I want her sarcastic humor back. How she would smile shyly when I had managed to keep her from getting too upset. Even how she got mad a little too easily. Just like me. I know she can't feel the same but...well she probably hated me....but I'm determined. I will get her back.
I can't stop thinking about how I was the one that drove her to attempt suicide. I mean I knew that she used to have issues with how she saw herself...but she is gorgeous. I guess I brought back a lot of bad memories? I'm not sure. But she is just perfect. I do wish she would eat more. She needs to gain some weight. I mean she's what 5'2 and she can't weight over 100 lbs soaking wet. But all that being said she manages to be curvy? How is that even possible? She still has a...nice butt and honestly boobs too. They're probably the only source of extra body she has on her. Not that I would say that to anyone. It's most definitely not what she needs to hear. I don't know how she pulls off pretty and frail and curvy and sexy but she does.
The thing that still gets me -again- about her is her personality though. I can't imagine how she could change her sarcastic humor, and sweetness, and not giving a fuck about what others think. I just miss her.
Okay I've decided I can't wait. I'm going to talk to her now. I go and I run to my car and speed off to the hospital.
By the time I arrive I see Deni's car in the same spot it's been in. I know she probably still won't approve of me being her -again I may add- but I don't care. I need to see her.
As soon as I'm in the doors the nurse tells me to head up. She just remember me because I'm here almost everyday. Keaton doesn't know that but, Deni and the boys do.
Once I reach her floor I peak in the window and lock eyes with Deni. I basically plead her -without speaking?- to let me see Keaton. She actually let's me willingly. Wow. Once she is out of the door she speaks to me. "Look. She doesn't need you hurting her anymore. Please try not to. Oh and if she tells you to do something, so long as it's reasonable, do it. And leave when she asks. I really don't want to see her hurt. Because if you hurt her. I will hurt you worse. Got it?" I listened to her little speech politely soaking up even word she said. "Trust me I don't want to her her any more than you do" she widens her eyes and mumbles "not likely" but I leave it alone.
Once she walks away to the food court, probably not to eat...I brace myself and open the door.