I Will See you Again

The only destination for the living is death. Death is the only thing anyone should be afraid of. My name is Eve. I am already dead. But I am still afraid.
Someone came to my grave and told me I had to keep my promise. That I had to figure out the truth about what happened. The person said to me... I will see you again.

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3. The Doctor

Flashback #1: Let's call it the one that makes me dislike the doctor.

            My father took me from the grave to the lake in our city... though I don't recall our city ever having a lake. At that time I was crying uncontrollably, and I didn't produce tears anymore which made me want to cry all the more. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know how. Why did I have to die so soon? How had it ended. I wasn't done living yet. Not that seeing my father was a bad thing, but I wasn't done yet.

            The lake my father took me to was different to any other body of water I'd ever seen. I couldn't see my reflection in the water, but I could see everyone's reflection. I didn't know it, but it was the dead's reflection. I touched the surface of the water by my father's instruction. While seemingly transparent, there was a thick film over the surface of that felt like corn syrup. He called it the border, that kept unwanted things out. And after that, without warning he pulled me into the lake along with him. The colors of the living world melted away as if life itself were a painted portrait that never truly existed. All the colors faded as my father and I made our way to the Land of the Dead. We were eventually pulled into the world of the dead by the numerous hands of the deceased.

            The second we landed, it was like everything became numb. I bet the atmosphere was made that way to keep the dead tranquil. So if anyone wanted closure, they would forget by the time they made it here. Everything became cloudy. Forced to give in to the sluggishness of the new world that I had come to live in, I forgot all of my questions. All of the burning desires on the back of my tongue just itching to come out. I didn't like it, to say the least. But it didn't matter.

            The World of the Deceased was similar to the world of the dead. The sector I lived in was just like the the city I used to live in. Father lived in the same house Audrey and Mike live in now. There is a downtown and neighborhoods. That I used to be familiar with. But in this new world. This new life? I wasn't accustomed to anything.

            My father took me to see the doctor first thing. The building was tall and entirely white. Far too bright for the unprepared eye. Father told me the doctor was on the twelfth floor. The building had a beautiful spiral staircase with a variety of rooms on each floor. I would have loved to take the stairs up, but  father rushed me to the elevator without any hesitation. In the "real" world I'm sure this building is a hotel or something of that sort downtown.

            We arrive at the office and wait on a bench for the doctor to call us in. I hadn't thought of all the other people that must have died on the same day as me. I wonder how they died? Do they feel like I do? I fidget with my fingers anticipating my name to be called and my father sits next to me still as a rock. I haven't seen father in years. Not since that day. Does he even know how he died?

"Eve." The doctor says as another dead person walks out of the room. An older women, she seemed surprised that I was there. That's when I suddenly realized it wasn't natural to see children die so young. Mortality rates are higher than ever, but I still managed to get here.

            How is it the doctor can say my name. Look me in the eye, and see my face. How can he see all of the life that never got to be and not feel empathetic. Can't he see that underneath all of the cloudiness the world of the dead puts me in. Can't he see I'm falling apart, when I'm already broken?

            My father and I walk into the small room and I sit waiting. I've been to the doctors before, but it's different when your dead. My father stands, as if he were guarding the doorway. The doctor prepared some things that didn't seem that important, and finally takes a seat in a chair across from me.

"Alright Eve, I want you to take out your soul, just as I am going to show you." he says shoving his hand inside of his own chest and pulling out a beautiful ball of light. In life, it took a good ten minutes before doctors got to business. But him, he just got straight to it.

            So that was what a human soul looked like. If it weren't for the calming atmosphere, I would likely have screamed bloody murder. No way would it be normal for any person to pull out their soul and place it in their hands. I follow his directions and rip my soul away from my chest. While doing so, the doctor placed his own soul back inside of his body and then he checked for tears in the glove before returning his attention back to me.

            I had already taken my soul in my hands and was playing with it gently. Hovering my fingers over the ball of light caused a cloudy and silky texture seem to form and rotate around and round in circles. Humans have the most beautiful things in life.

"This is my soul?" I ask, "Why is it so small." I say, only just realizing the difference between my soul and the doctors.  Was my soul smaller because I was still a teenager, or was it because I was just a terrible person in life. Could living humans have no soul entirely?

"Oh, well let's see." he takes my soul from me. I felt spit. My mind and consciousness were with my body, but the real essence of what makes me myself was being walked across the room to a scale and other odd contraptions that I could only guess to test the healthiness of the soul, "class four." the doctor says to my father.

"Well, it's better." my father says his head tilting down as if gravity still effected us here.

"Estimated time of collapse two to three years, if she takes the medication we have regularly."

"I'm confused." I say looking from both my father to the doctor.

"As a soul in this realm, there is no energy. Nothing that the soul can leech off of." the doctor starts. I look at my soul. How can he describe such a beautiful thing with such vile words, "In the world of the living, there was overflowing energy, but once a soul leaves the material form which it presided, that energy can no longer be taken in."

"Sooo..." I question, still not seeing why it is a bad thing that the soul can't get any energy. That just means the soul can't grow?

"Without that source of energy, the soul starts to consume it's own energy until it eventually collapses which will ultimately lead to your end."

"But... I'm already ended." I say.

"In death you get approximately as many years you did in life. Because of your special case, that time will be dramatically shortened." the doctor says bringing my soul back to me.

"Why is mine so short? Even if my soul feeds off it's own energy at an increasing speed, how come I only have two years?"

"My prediction, is that your soul attached to your body when you died. By doing so, it spent enormous amounts of energy trying to keep the body alive. It tried to keep your perception of living alive."

"That's why you woke during your funeral. Most corpses waken a few minutes after death. Just before the brain activity stops." father butts in. I forget, he must have done this before with my brother. Where is Jacob?

"Anyway, your soul," the doctor says handing it back to me, "If it is touched my any other persons bare skin it will immediately collapse."

             Why is it everything seems so easy to understand once you die?

"But isn't the body just the corpses manifestation? How can something that doesn't exist kill me."

"From what I've studied, the soul will invest all it's energy in making imaginary Ideas or concepts real. It is better for everyone if they kept their souls to themselves. You'll learn it's extremely unacceptable to touch another one's soul. I'm sure your father can tell you everything you need to know... otherwise, I think your done here."

"C'mon, let's go." My father then says.

            He didn't even give me my medication.

            I follow my father and the doctor out of the room and into the waiting area. The doctor calls out a boy's name and I look at the waiting area to see a small boy, alone follow the doctor. I try to swallow, but there is no air. None of us deserve to breathe here. The world of death doesn't seem fair.

            My father and I make it out of the building, and we walk over to our house. It looks exactly like it did in the living world. I could imagine the smells and the yelling coming from inside. My sister, Audrey and brother, Jacob bickering like they used to.

"Is Jacob here?" I ask father.

"No," he sighs, "He was, but he was similar to you."

"So he's already gone." I say dropping gaze to the ground kicking the dirt. It feels wrong. Understanding and allowing myself to feel indifferent about all of the new things I'm hearing. My brother is gone. His soul collapsed. If I were alive, I would have cried, but here, everything is hidden under a rain cloud. Something major happens, but all of our emotions seem restrained, and everything important washes away. We may be dead but we are still dying. This place, this moment, is just the space between death. We are just holding back the tears until it's time.

"So he was a class four like me."

"Class five," dad says. I look up and see him smile. Maybe things aren't so bad here, "He always did some amazing things. In both life and death. He put his soul into everything he did."

"I miss him and mom. Mom, isn't hear either?"

"She disappeared from the lake one day, I expected to be sent to get her, but I never was. Lord knows where in the world of death she could be right now."

"The lake."

            That is when father explained the lake to me. The land of the living reflecting back to us forgotten ones. He was barely able to, but if I were to focus hard enough, I could see Audrey. It only took me a second. I found her. By my grave. Silent. Sad. Why did I leave her? Was it my choice? How did I die?

"When someone disappears from the lake of the living, it's likely they are going to die that day, that or they are in another city. When a person dies, they will forget everything that happened that day."

"It makes sense." I say after thinking about it, "It's unfair, but it makes sense. The world of death wouldn't want people to go get revenge on whomever killed them."

"Going back to the world of the living is a sin. You will never do it."

            At that moment I had lost the tranquil feeling, the world of death put me in. I felt disobedient. I wanted to taste life one more time. I wanted to indulge myself in the feeling. Sin. Like dirt. Fun to play in, but it just makes a mess of you.

"Okay." I say.

            My father puts his arm around me and we walk back to our house together. Father shows me my bedroom and talks to me about some of the other things I might need to know about death before laying me down to sleep. I was afraid of death when I was alive. But now I see it isn't so bad. What's worse is knowing there is still something after death. That's what I'm really afraid of.

            I close my eyes.

            I scream. Small transparent marbles fall from a non-existent sky onto myself and the floor of the room. None of my emotions seem to carry on after death. Neither does pain. But somehow. Fear managed to sneak those feelings through... Father rushes into my room and picks me up. I try not to look at the marbles, keep my eyes shut, but the only time the marbles stop coming from the sky is when I open my eyes. The transparent objects demand my attention, but I don't want to see them. My father runs to the doctor. The pitter patter of the marbles wakes the dead. We tremble in our graves.

"What's happening?" I hear father yells to the doctor as he checks me out. Trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Her soul is trying to compensate for something. What are you clinging onto child?" the doctor asks. I look into his eyes. Does he know.

"I don't know." if I acknowledge it's existence, something I don't want to remember is going to clog my mind.

            The doctor knows what I'm hiding. Something important.

            But I can't for the life of me remember what it was.

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