Their voices woke me up. They sounded gross, and sad. Like how voices sound after squirting milk out your nose when you laugh just a little to hard. Or how your voice sounds when your sick and your nose is stuffed. Maybe everyone had trouble sleeping the night before and... well?
I can imagine how they looked. My mother's eyes are probably swollen shut, because she tends to rub her eyes. Nasty habit. And my father and sisters veins are bulging out of the sides of their necks. That always intrigues me. My brother probably sits smiling. Trying his hardest to cry. Embarrassed at how he can't. He was like me. I'm sure we all had red faces and puffed up cheeks. Crying does that. I should probably see what is going on.
I expected to see the inside of my house when I opened my eyes. Perhaps the living room, where the family could be on the couch sobbing over some sad movie that was playing on the television that night. But no.... No! Instead my eyes are blinded by the brightness of the outside world. The sky. The trees. The bugs. Nature. I half expected to sneeze from the light, but I felt nothing.
My sister, Audrey, stood across from me. She wiped silent tears from her eyes. The others sobs drowned out the sound of the drips of water falling onto her cheeks. It wasn't like her to be silent. She's an emotional freak that would cry at the sight of a dog sneezing. Mike, my step-father stood next to her. He showed no emotion, like always. I walk over to them and look around. So many people are here. Our neighbors, other relatives we only see once or twice a year. Everyone is sad, and dark. Their facial expressions and the lively souls I've come to know they had seem to be as dark as the clothing they wear upon their skin. What are they hiding?
I try to be sympathetic. But I can't not knowing what is going on. They all ignore me.
"Audrey, what's going on?" I ask. There is no reply. Her eyes continued to gaze before her, into a big black pit that would swallow her up, "C'mon don't do this to me. What's happening!" my voice rises a bit out of fear. Something isn't right. I clutch my shirt where my chest lies. Why do I feel so empty?
"This is stupid." Audrey says. Not the reply I was looking for.
"What's stupid?" I turn and face the pit of darkness the crowd seems to be so drawn to.
What happened next.
On the inside I was screaming. I wanted to wake up. From this nightmare. This bad dream. I kept telling myself to wake up, brutally pinching my arms in the process feeling no pain. My body wouldn't listen to me. I wouldn't wake. I was still lying there asleep.
"Stupid." Audrey repeats.
On the outside. I could hardly breathe. I wanted to scream, but all that came out were the harsh sounds of my breath. Refusing to fulfill my demands. I felt the world of mine crumble onto itself, suffocating me.
"What is this? What's happening?" my voice travels.
I take a step back from the rest of my family and friends. Away from all the pitch black nothingness before me. I refuse to believe this is happening. It can't be real. If it were real, wouldn't there be a sign. Wouldn't I know how? It can't just be this.
I would rather have nothing after life than to be stuck in between the living. I'd love for there to be some world for me to go to, so I can finally rest. How can, this, happen?
I fall to the ground clutching my ears in my hands. Trying to block out all of the things I don't want to hear. The birds chirping. The wind through the trees. People's voices. They just keep getting louder. I close my eyes and whimper. I want it all to go away. I want there to be nothing. Go away!
The earth trembles.
His hand touches my shoulder. This moment. His touch. I now know my death to be true.
"Father." My voice quivers. I am crying, but there are no tears. Being here, I guess I don't need them anymore, "What's going on, what is this?" I know what I want him to answer. I also know what answer he is going to give me. I hate him for it.
"This is death."