“You really didn’t have to come Harry” I say when we both sit on the couch. He is wearing plain grey shirt and shorts.
“Are you ok now?” He frowns and totally ignores my excuses. His cold fingertips gently trace my cheek bone and I slowly lay myself into his palm. I feel our warmth and stay like that for couple of seconds.
“You should go to bed. I’ll stay until you fall asleep” he adds and I open my eyes and glance at him. He is calm and a little sleepy. But I want to agree so badly.
“Ok. But only if you don’t mind sleeping with the lights on because-“ I say and scratch my head. Harry just giggles.
“Don’t worry” he ads and I lead him to my bedroom. Sheets are like I left them.
The side where James used to sleep is messed up too. I guess I slept over whole bed. I lie and Harry joins me after a while. Lights are still on and my breathing slows down when I hear him breathing. I remember the last time he was here. We were drunk and we kissed every 10 minutes when had a break from laughing. I can’t tell how I feel when he is around me and that pisses me off. But I am glad he is here now and I don’t have to think about that dream anymore. It was so scary I have never thought that my brain could have imagined thing like that.
“Thank you” I murmur with my eyes closed when I feel Harry´s body lying next to me. He doesn’t say anything. After a while I hear a deep inhale.
“Noel?” he asks hesitantly. “Mmm?” I reply sleepily when suddenly his whole body moves closer to me and his lips gently presses mine. I keep my eyes closed the whole time. The kiss is slow and quick at the same time. I feel him slowly ending a kiss and I don’t like it. I quickly put my hands around his neck and pull him onto me. I don’t want him to stop.
“You should really go to sleep” Harry smirks between the kiss and I giggle. “How am I going to fall asleep like this?” I reply and we both lay down again.
“Like what?” Harry asks. “Like you are here next to me” I add and watch his reaction. He grins and kisses the top of my hair.
“Good night Noel” he ads and I turn to him. I observe him a little. His eyes are closed, the wrinkle above his nose has disappeared and his raising chest tells me he has fallen asleep. This was quick. I take his hand and cuddle to it. I don’t feel like I went too far. This feels right. Just right…
When I am about to call a taxi, Harry stops me.
“Just get in” he says and his car keys make a noise hanging above his head. I don’t say anything just smile at him and get in the car with him. I see the time on his Rolex. It´s 8:38 a.m. Traffic is insane so I will get to work in an hour.
“What if I took you to lunch today?” Harry ads while waiting for a green at junction. He is smiling at me and waiting for my response.
“That would be great” I reply and give him a giddy smile. I don’t know what to say next and there is a short awkward silence.
“When do you have to be in the office?” I ask him while looking out of the window.
“At 8.” I quickly look at him.
“That’s more than an hour ago. Why haven’t you told me sooner? I could take a taxi and you could-“ I get suddenly cut off.
“That´s alright, Noel. I can be late even when I am not my own boss” Harry grins at me. I know he means I am my own boss.
“But-“ I try again.
“It´s really ok. You don’t have to worry” He ads and put his hand on my knee. Oh. I lean against the seat and stare at him. His fingers start to play with the denim fabric and I shiver.
“We are here” Harry announces and I realise he´s right. I don’t want to leave this car. Not when I know what it does to me when he touches me.
“You-“ I say but don’t finish it.
“- I will call you” he replies and I smile.
I want to do something maybe just give him back what he did the other night when he came in the middle of the night to me apartment or when he just let his fingers tracing my knee. Harry is looking at me with one hand on a wheel and smiling. Is he waiting for me to do something? Then I take all my courage and lean closer to him. My hands are now leaning against his seat. I move even closer and kiss him gently. I stay like that for a couple of seconds realizing how simple this was and how much joy it has brought in me. Harry takes my face to both his hands and kisses me once again. I really don’t want to leave now. The kiss is just like the first one but it lasts a little longer. Our eyes meet and then I feel it.
I feel James is gone forever.