3. January 2nd
My Angel is Calling
'I dream of a stairway to the skies
My angel is coming down from heaven to take me
I reach out but then you fade away
Whenever you call for me
Know that I'm only one step behind
My senses tell me I have changed
But one thing still remains
I'm torn and the hate's still aching
I slowly start to realize
We won't reunite
I still have to march on through'
January 2nd - A Graveyard in Darlington
Today I attended a funeral of a much loved family relation in North Yorkshire. These events bring home how mortal that we are. I'm afraid that I felt awful that I had no tears left for the occasion. Over the past few weeks I think I've used them all up what with my life, Luna's death and other issues. That made me feel bad and self centred.
I spent most of the service musing over my own mortality and my relationship with God. With my current health concerns I wonder if there's more to my condition than meets the eye. There are other medical concerns that I'd rather not go into at this time.
I have an uneasy relationship with God, I used to believe, I'm a Unitarian, but have severe doubts now. How can God allow young people to die, allow the weather to kill children and allow brutal wars to take place in his name? It makes me doubt whether there is a god. On the other hand I see how faith can help people and enrich their lives. Why then do I have doubts?
I also thought about my own funeral and what I would want. No hymns please, although I'd quite like Jerusalem, but I've picked out a few tracks I'd like playing.These are Stairway to the Skies by With Temptation, Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Saturday Boy by Billy Bragg (listen to the lyrics). I did ponder over Sinead, but hey!
Anyway much to muse about in the coming year.