My mom had come home earlier than expected. I was very surprised because most of the time she comes home later than she plans. I thought it was great that she was home, I loved spending time with my mother, until I realize the news she had for me. She sat me down and told me Sabrina called, my father's wife, to tell my mom that he got into a car accident. I didn't cry and I didn't feel sorry for him. I didn't feel anything.
“Sabrina wants you to go to Michigan for a couple days and see him in the hospital. I understand if you do not want to see him and it is your choice, but I want you to think about it before you tell me no.” My mother told me, while making dinner.
“No.” I said dryly.
“Echo, I know it is hard for you, but Sabrina said he has been wanting to see you.” She looked at me, waiting for my emotions to change. What did she expect me to do, jump up and down? I wasn’t going to go see him
“Does he feel bad about disowning his only child?” I had nothing but venom in my voice.
“Echo Joy! Listen to me! It has been a whole year and a half since that mess happened and I really think that your father feels bad about what he said.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “I really think this would be good for you, to at least see him.”
I know she is trying to fix our relationship, but there is nothing to fix. I am fine living a life with only my mom in it. There is no problem being with her and not having a real father figure around. I bet she thinks that’s why I am gay. If I were to go see him and it ended badly, what was I going to do again? It was only going to crush me even more. I know she thinks this will help me, that I need closure, but I don’t.
“Fine, I will go.” I say after mulling it over.
“Good, now supper is ready.” She smiles. “I love you Echo, just know I am here okay?”
“I love you too.”
* * *
I was on the phone with Jinx while I was packing my bags, getting ready to leave for Sabrina’s. We were beginning to be really close friends as the weeks pass on. We talked a lot on the phone and hung out almost everyday. It was very friendly and playful and I loved it. One night we were talking about really deep personal issues in our lives. I had told her about my dad disowning me as his daughter. She told me that she never met her mother and father because they died in a terrible accident. But she was lucky to be adopted by two lovely and successful dads who loved her very much. It was a great conversation.
“I cannot believe you have to go see him.”
“I don't have to, it was my choice.” I told her, putting all my favourite tank tops in my suitcase. “Besides I will be staying with Sabrina anyway since my dad is in the hospital.”
“Is she okay with it?”
“With what, me being gay?” I laugh.
“No, you being a fish.” She said sarcastically.
“Yes, she is perfectly fine with it. Why?”
“Because, I do not want you going somewhere where you aren't accepted.”
I smiled at how much she cared. “I wouldn't go if she wasn't accepting either. Plus she wouldn't have even invited me!”
I finished the rest of my packing as my mom yelled down the hall. “ready to go honey? Sabrina is here.”
“Yeah, one minute.” I tell her.
“Echo.” Jinx said.
“I am just a phone call away if anything happens. Remember that okay?” She sounded worried.
“Of course. Do not worry so much. I am pretty tough.” I give a weak smile, I felt nervous but I didn’t want to let it show in my voice.
“Hell yeah you are. Love ya! Call me later alright?”
“You got it! Love you too.” I hang up.
I grabbed my suitcase and walked out of my room, closing my door behind me. I told my mom I loved her and got into the front seat of Sabrina's SUV. She told me how excited she was to have another girl around the house. I just smiled and nodded, saying yeah every time she told me something, but then she asked me about my love life. Oh god why.
“So have you found a nice girl?” She asks with the biggest smile plastered on her face.
It was sweet of her to wonder. “No, not really.”
“What? No one? That is crazy. Anyone would be lucky to have you Echo. You are a dazzling girl.” She put a hand on my shoulder.
“Yeah.” Was all I had said.
The drive to Michigan was pretty silent, the only time that was exciting is when she took me to get coffee and when we sang some songs that had come on the radio. When we got to their house, the first thing she asked me was if I wanted to see my dad. I told her no, it was too soon. I didn't want to see him at all to be honest, but I knew I was only lying to myself. I did want to see him in a way. Maybe Sabrina was right, maybe he did have a change of heart.
“So then what do you want to do? It is pretty late, we could go see him tomorrow.” Sabrina suggested.
“Maybe.” I said.
“I know it is hard for you and it is your choice if you want to see him, but please think about it.” She opened her arms, expecting a hug I assume. I walked over to her and hugged her. “I love you, if that counts.”
“It does.” I said. “Thank you.”
“Oh and I will call you down when dinner is ready.” She adds.
I went up stairs and immediately called Ashley and Matt, telling them where I was and what was going on. Ashley just kept yelling and it was too intense for my poor little ears so I had to set the phone down beside my bed. Matt and I both tried to calm her down but she got mad. She was telling me not to see him, that he deserved to not see me. Maybe she was right? Why should I see him. He didn't want me for a year and a half and now all the sudden while he is in a hospital he expects me to just be all okay with everything.
“Do what you want.” Matt said. “Just think about what you are doing first.”
“NO! DO NOT LISTEN TO MATT! YOU NEED GUIDANCE!” Ashley screams.
“I gotta go, Sabrina needs help with dinner.” I lied and hung up.
I walk down stairs to try and assist her with the food, but she refused my help and tells me to sit at the table. She told me we were going to see my dad tomorrow because we had problems we needed to work out. Fuck that shit, she cannot tell me what to do.
“Okay, tomorrow then.” I am horrible at saying no.
“Dinner is served.” She places a plate with tacos on it in front of me.
We don't talk about much really. Just how things were going with my mom and if I liked staying with her. She told me if I even needed someone to call her up and she will help me with almost anything. I just nodded and said okay, thinking that would be enough until she started asking me questions.
“So do you like anyone?” What is up with her and my love life?
“Oh, there is this one girl.” I said, after mulling it over a bit, deciding weather to tell her or not.
“What is her name?” She pushed.
I sighed, maybe I shouldn't of talked about it. “Well, her name is Jinx.”
“Oh! That is a very unique name. Jinx and Echo. Very cute.” She winks at me from across the table, continuing to shovel her meal into her mouth.
I laugh, “I suppose.”
“Tell me all about her.”
And I did. I told her about how pretty she is when she flips her dark red hair. I told her about her light blue eyes and how she sends off these very lesbian vibes. She laughs when I say that so I have to explain all the things she does that makes me thinks she is gay. She never said she was, but she makes it seem like she is. I also told her about her little boyfriend. When supper is done, she tells me that she hopes I get the girl.
“To bad Ashley isn't gay.” Sabrina said.
I paused. “Why do you say that?”
“You guys have been friends for so long. When I see you two together, you both just click.”
I laughed, was she kidding? “We are strictly in the friend zone.”
“Because you want to be or because she wants you guys to be?”
I didn't think too much about that, because we were only friends. I never thought about dating Ashley because why should I? We have never been into each other or, I never been into her. I assume she doesn’t like me because she is straight. Besides, we are just best friends, thats all we want it to be. I felt weird thinking about it, just laying in bed and trying to wrap my head around why we never dated. I refuse to like straight girls. That has something I always told myself.
I finally got to sleep and when morning came, it was all too fast. “Get dressed!” I heard from behind the door.
“Yeah yeah.” I said sleepily.
I stumbled while putting a pair of jeans on and a regular t shirt that I have cut into a tank top. I looked very tomboy and was proud of it. My hair was a mess when I looked into the mirror so I grabbed my beanie from the dresser and put it on my head. I began to feel sick after i finished getting dressed. There was no way I could face my dad. Was it too late to back out?
I dialed Jinx. She picked up. “Hey.” You could tell I had woken her up.
“I am going to see my dad in a couple minutes.” I said nervously.
“Please wish me luck.”
“Good luck angel.” I could feel the power of her wink through the phone.
“Thanks so very much.” I sarcastically said.
“Anytime. Be safe, and do not be afraid to say no.”
“What do you expect to happen??” I yelled frantically.
She just giggled and hung up the phone. Oh that girl is a hoot.
My phone went off right as I threw it on my bed, I jumped. Ashley was calling me. “Hey.”
“Just about to leave Ash, whatcha need.”
“Why do you always assume I need something!” She yelled. Why is she always yelling. “Anyways I just wanted to tell you good luck. I am here for you if you need anything. I love you Echo. You mean so much to me and if that prick of a father hurts you I will drive all the way to Michigan and pick you up. I will not let him hurt you.”
My heart was pounding and I wanted to start crying. Her saying that meant so much to me. “Thank you.” I choked out. “I love you Ashley!”
“Go get 'em tiger.” And she hung up.
“Ready?” Sabrina yelled from downstairs.
“As Ready as I will ever be.” I yelled back. One last look in the mirror and I made my way downstairs.