Blinded by Love

She put her hand on my chin and forced me to look into her ocean blue eyes. “You know I care about you Echo. You should know how I feel about you.” But the thing was, I had no clue how she truly felt about me. She had secrets that were kept from everyone, including me. I did not know if she wanted me to leave or stay the night. I didn't know if she wanted people to know about our flings or keep them to ourselves. I wanted to be in a relationship with this girl. All of the sudden she kissed me, catching me by surprise. The kiss felt meaningful and so passionate. My knees began feeling weak as she tangled her fingers in my messy hair, rapping her left leg around my hip. I grabbed both of her legs and rapped them around my waist, making my way to the nearest wall because god damn did i want her. Tomorrow I'll be kicking myself in the ass because I refused to do this while things were so fucked. But I couldn't help but give in.

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10. "I'm so sorry."

A/N: so i was too excited again that i only skimmed rereading it but i have no more writers block i know what to do till the very end and I hope you enjoy!!!! SORRY FOR TH MISTAKES I'LL EVENTUALLY FIX THEM XD XOXO

 

* * * Ashley’s POV * * *

 

The pain in my chest caused tears to blind my vision. I was in Matty’s room now, laying on his bed as he stroked my hair. I couldn’t stop crying because all my feelings were coming all at once. I grabbed a fist full of my shirt where my heart was and whimpered. I struggled to breathe normally, but Matt continued to pat my back and play with my hair, letting me know that everything would eventually work the way it was meant.

 

“I don’t want Echo to be meant for Jinx” I said out loud. I wanted Echo to be meant for me. I knew I was being selfish and I hid these feelings for a while now. I only thought they were just jealous of her hanging out with Jinx too much, because Jinx took my best friend away from me, but I know it is more than that. I was foolish to not think this would happen.

 

“I- I should've told her. The f-first day I realized.” I stuttered, looking up at Matty. He nodded his head in agreement.

 

“It’s okay that you didn’t.” He told me. “You were probably confused, and by then you didn’t want to ruin the great friendship you guys have. You also didn’t want to get in the way of her and Jinx.”

 

I nodded, but all the aching told me I was doing everything all wrong.

 

I remember the very first day I met her.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

I looked around aimlessly till I found my first class, Room 211. I looked inside and then felt my nerves kick in. New school, new people, new life. Not that I was complaining, I needed a change of pace, but this was just another obstacle and I must get through today. Before I could gain my confidence, I turned around quickly, feeling the sudden urge to vomit.

 

I then collided with someone. Luckily I didn’t have anything in my hands like those lame cliques. I expected it to be fulfilled until I saw a girl instead of a boy. I could tell that people could possibly mistake her for the a male the way she dressed, her short brown hair and boy like appearance. She was indeed beautiful though and she played a cute half smile on her face.

 

“You okay? I am so sorry I ran into you, I was just wanting a good seat next to the window.” She grabbed her phone up off the floor and nodded her head. “You in that class too?”

 

I nodded slowly. She was super friendly and I could tell we could possibly be insta-friends, but then again I could be getting my hopes up. Before I know it she is putting a hand on my shoulder and my breathing hitches. A stranger has touched me, and I didn’t know if it was comforting or startling.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You seem new here. Come on, i don’t bite.” Her smile was radiant, something I would love to get used to.

 

I shook my head. “Yeah I am new. Actually I heard there was going to be cheer sign-ups today and I wanted to know where that was.” I said honestly. If she was friendly I was going to take the opportunity to ask.

 

“Oh, I can’t help you there, but I am sure Sarah can. Hey Sarah!”

 

A gorgeous girl with bleach blonde hair turned away from her group of friends. “Yes Echo.” Sarah said.

 

Echo. That was a very unique name, yet it seemed to fit her unique personality and style.

 

“This lovely lady would like to sign up for cheer, could you please help her out?”

 

“Of course! Oh my gosh what a gorgeous figure, I am sure you’ll make the team. Come with me!” She beamed, grabbing my hand and dragging my away from echo. I looked back worriedly.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll save you a seat.” Echo waved and headed into class. I felt relieved knowing I would see her soon.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

I didn’t know then. But now that she was after someone it’s like my true feelings have shown themselves.  My heart hurt once more thinking of all the days girls hit on her and I pretended to be her girlfriend. Those few minutes were the best, almost real, but I knew it couldn’t happen again. Jinx would soon be her real girlfriend. Jinx would hold her hand and scare off all those girls. Jinx would kiss her and tell her she loved Echo. Tears fled my eyes and I began to bawl again.

 

“I know, I know.” Matty chimed in, rubbing my back now.

 

Soon there was a knock at the door, but I ignored it. Matt got up though to go answer. I didn’t want him to leave my side at such a painful time but then again it could be her, standing there all worried about me and why I left so soon. I didn’t want to talk to her though. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to pain to eat me from the inside out. I wanted Echo.

 

* * * ECHOS POV * * *

 

I left Matty’s, head hanging low. She didn’t want to see me? I was her best friend! I have never been so confused in my whole life. She came to see me only to run away and hide out at Matt’s house. I was always the one she came running to. Then it hit me. She ran into my room. Was she going to tell me something but I was too busy with Jinx? Did she think she was being replaced?! So many questions played in my head like a movie. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I continued blowing up her phone but it would go straight to voicemail. I hit my head on the steering wheel. So much for being a great best friend.

 

I heard a knock on my window. I slowly looked up to examine a very angry looking Jinx. I looked at her and sighed. I cannot deal with this right now. I cannot have everyone pissed of at me because I am only human. I make mistakes like everyone else, why can’t anyone cut me some slack?

 

She continued to knock till I rolled down the window. I glared at her, not in the mood to get chewed out. “Yes?”

 

“You just left me here??” She asked as if no one knew the answer, which of course everyone did, even her.

 

“Yes, because my best friend ran out of my house.” I stated bluntly.

 

“Who is more important?” She asked, arms crossed over her chest.

 

I looked at her as if that was the stupidest thing she has ever asked, because it was. “You have to be kidding me. Says the one with a boyfriend!” I yelled.

 

She looked kind of startled but I didn’t care. Of course Ashley was at the top of my important list. She was everything to me! “I think I should leave.” Jinx said.

 

“Go right ahead.” I stated, not even looking at her. “Let me know when you’re done being ridiculous.”

 

I watched as she got in her car and drove away from my house, away from me. Hell I didn’t care, because there was already this pain in my chest. for the first time Ashley was mad at me. I repeated that thought in my head several times. What the hell do I do.

 

I opened the glove box in my car and rummaged through the pictures, CDs, and papers I had thrown in here. In the back was a Marlboro pack with the word “EMERGENCY” written on it. I flipped the top and there were two cigarettes gone. I pulled on out slowly and grabbed the lighter from my side door, lighting one up. I sucked in and and then exhaled a fog of smoke out of my nose.

 

When i went to close my glove box a CD fell onto the carpet of my jeep. I picked it up and it had the word “sad” written on it in Ashley’s hand writing. I turned it to the back and it read, “I don't think there is a time I won’t be there for you, but if something happens, play this.”

 

I thought about it for a moment and decided against it. My chest hurt and I didn’t want something reminding me of how I was a sucky friend. I wondered when she put this in here. Most of the time my curiosity would eat away at me but I left it alone. I put it back in my glove box, I’ll play it at a better time maybe.

 

The next day was a long one. It was Sunday. All I could think about was Ashley. What will I do for lunch? Will she talk to me in class? Maybe I will just call Jinx and we will play hookie for a bit. My mom had left for work in a city over for a week or so, maybe she will want to stay the night.

 

I picked up my phone off my bed and dialed Jinx’s number. After a couple rings she picked up. “Hey Jinx I wanted to say sorry-” I was cut off.

 

“Who the hell is this? Is this queer girl?” A rough voice asked.

 

I froze, as if he was right in front of me. I felt weak and wanted to hang up right away but decided not to because I heard Jinx in the background. “Will you cut it out?” She barked. “Give me my phone.”

 

“No, I have shit to say to her!”

 

“I am leaving!” She shouted to him.

 

“No you aren't.” I heard some rustling, as if he had put the phone down to stop her.

 

I hung up, it was all too much for me. What if he was abusing her? but if he refused to let her leave ever?  I avoided the ideas in my head I avoided them all as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

“Echo!” A voice hissed in my ear. I jolted up from my bed and looked around. A scream escaped my lungs as Jinx covered my mouth to cut it off. “Not even that serious.” She stated.

 

“Oh no, you breaking into my house isn’t serious.” My words were muffled by understood as she rolled her eyes and took her hand off of my mouth. “Now what the hell are you doing here?”

 

“I came to see you.” she smirked.

 

“Go back to your boyfriends.” I said harshly, standing up out of my bed. I was getting tired of this game she was playing with me.

 

She put her hand on my chin and forced me to look into her ocean blue eyes. “You know I care about you Echo. You should know how I feel about you.”

 

I began to feel the nerves eat away at my stomach. The thing was, I had no clue how she truly felt about me. She had secrets that were kept from everyone, including me. I did not know if she wanted me or her dumb ass boyfriend. I didn't know if she wanted people to know about our flings or keep them to ourselves. I wanted to be in a relationship with this girl. I wanted more than what I was getting out of this. I was confused and losing my best friend, I just wanted more.   

 

All of the sudden she kissed me, catching me by surprise. The kiss felt meaningful and so passionate. My knees began feeling weak as she tangled her fingers in my messy hair, wrapping her left leg around my hip. I grabbed both of her legs and wrapped them around my waist, making my way to the nearest wall because god damn did I want her. Tomorrow I'll be kicking myself in the ass because I refused to do this while things were so fucked. But I couldn't help but give in. Because I was in need of more. I was in need of healing.

 

I felt her cold fingers under my shirt as she placed them on my bare back. She began to lift my shirt up to feel more of my skin. If this what I wanted? I asked myself. There was no time to answer while our tongues were dancing together as the lust built up in both of us. All common sense was leaving me and I think this was her plan all along. I couldn’t help but think this plan was amazing.

 

She finally pulled my shirt over my head to expose my plain black bra. I felt nervous but excited. The adrenaline was pumping in my veins and nothing could stop this. Except for the thought of Ashley. While she was upset, I was here making out with Jinx.

 

I unlocked our lips to say something but she only pulled me right back. She grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled down. My eyes closed as pleasure shot shot through my body whole body. She was kissing on my neck now and now i had time to say something.

 

“J-Jinx.” I muttered, trying to fight what my body wanted.

 

“hmm?” She hummed questioning, not really listening to me.

 

“S-stop.” I stammered. “Stop.” I tried to push her away a little and she unlatched her legs from my waist.

 

“What? Do you not like it?” She looked at m as if she was hurt.

 

“Trust me, that’s not the problem.” I muttered. “This isn’t right.”

 

“What do you mean it isn’t right?” She looked shocked.

 

“You have a boyfriend!”

 

She looked confused. “So? That doesn’t stop me.”

 

For some reason I felt angry. “It should!” I hesitated to ask the big question. Should I ask how she feels about me? Am I just a game to her? Someone to have fun with? “Do you even give a shit about me Jinx?”

 

“Of course I give a shit.” She said.

 

“Do you like me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Will you break up with him?”

 

She froze and looked down at my carpet. I knew the answer without her even having to tell me.

 

“Get out.” I commanded.

 

“But-” She started, but I cut her off. I didn’t want to hear anything right now. If she wants to choose her stupid abusive boyfriend over me then so be it. I felt hot streams coming down my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. Why would I cry?

 

“Get out!” I shout. She looked scared and quickly walked out of my room. I heard the front door slam and her car rush out of my driveway.

 

Now I let all my feelings out. The tears kept coming as I fell to the floor, hugging my knees as I soaked my pants in the salty water pouring out of my eyes. Why was it so hard to choose? Why does my best friend hate me? Why did everything have to happen all at once and why am I in so much pain.

 

“I am sorry.” I said allowed. “I am so sorry.”

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