I finally worked up the courage to walk into the room my dad had been assigned to since the accident. I was shaking even more than when I was in the car and my hands were as sweaty as ever. Sabrina's hand was on my shoulder, supporting me 100% but I couldn't move. I just stood in the doorway. I was happy Sabrina didn't push me to walk in, she let me take my time since this was a huge moment for me. Every single what-if was running through my head. What if he doesn't love me? What if he just wanted to say that he is ashamed of me? I know I shouldn't be thinking negative, but in this situation what could you do! I wanted to call Ashley. I wanted to cuddle up to her in bed and just cry. She knows what to do, always.
I finally stepped into the room, and there laying in the hospital bed, was my father. He was awake. “Hey kiddo.” He said softly.
“Um.. Hey.” I said
“How are you doing, how is your mother?”
“We are just fine.” I stood by the bed with Sabrina, her hand still on my shoulder.
“That is great!” he said, doing his best to smile brightly at me.
Sabrina patted my back, I knew she wanted me to give the old man a break. Sighing, I asked how he was doing.
“Just fine, I should be out in a week they said.”
I wanted to leave already. Surprisingly I didn't have anything to say to him and I didn't want to say anything. It was kind of like when your mom drags you to a family reunion and you get hugs from total strangers that ask you if you remember them, when the last time you really saw them was when you were still a fetus and were unable comprehend. The feeling of pure awkwardness and being uninterested was all there.
“Please sit Echo.” He pointed to the chair beside his bed. “It has been so long, you look like a grown woman should.”
“I am sure a nice boy has his eye on you dear.” His eyes never leave me.
“What? Your old man can't hear about his daughter's love life?.”
“That isn't the point.” I clenched my fists. Was he really doing this?
“Jesus Tom, be more understanding.” Sabrina spoke up.
“I was just saying! It is not like I asked her if she had a boyfriend.”
Is this what I came all the way here for? I refuse to listen to him talk that way, knowing it is a sensitive topic for us and that is how it destroyed our relationship when I was younger. I cannot believe after knowing I liked girls that he would really pull the whole ‘boyfriend’ thing. How much of an ass could you be, its not like I am just going to switch teams.
“Tom.” Sabrina was stern.
“Fine, no boyfriends.” He said.
“Not the point.” I repeated.
I could feel sweat roll down my face. I was just so pissed about this, fuck being nervous about meeting him. I wish my mom didn't talk me into giving him another chance. I mean of course he is in the hospital because he was in an accident and all that, but still, even though he is laying here injured we are going to have this discussion? This is the amazing talk he wanted to have with me?
“So she is still on this gay thing?” He makes it sound like it is a phase.
There was a line, and he flew over it. I made my way out of his hospital room. I wasn't as mad about him not understanding it, but the fact that I came all this way to see him this is the only thing he cares to talk about? How the hell is this okay?
I waited in Sabrina's car, and like I thought, she ran after me. It was a very interesting talk on the way back her house. She kept saying sorry and that what he did was just uncalled for but I expected nothing less. What was so shocking is that I really believed for just a moment that he had changed. I told Sabrina that at least he talked to me for a few seconds without getting mad about it. He acted calm, not like when I first told him.
“You can still stay here if you want.” She finally said when she reached her place. “I mean for the rest of the week. Free of school and other things.”
I mulled it over. “Well...”
“I mean you get to hang out with me.” She winked.
“Fine fine.” I laughed. She was pretty cool to hang out with. She was kind of like a big sister and a second mom.
After she took me out for ice cream, spoiling me to make me feel better. We went home, which felt so foreign to me. I told Sabrina that I was off to bed and when I reached my old room and turned the light on, Jinx was laying there reading what looked like to be a children's book. I screamed, not in joy but in terror.
I heard some muffled laughter downstairs and figured Sabrina knew something about all of this. “What the hell man, give me a heart attack!” I held onto the wall for support. “Holy shit, I think I am dying.”
“Oh chill out.” She put the book down on the night stand. “You will be fine.”
“The hell I will!” I scream.
“Well just think, if you need to cry, you can use my shoulder. Wouldn't want to damage your phone with your salty tears would you?”
This chick is out of her fucking mind! “You could of told me!”
“Wow thanks, you shouldn't have.” I am sure Jinx could not only hear but feel my sarcasm seeping into her eardrums and damaging them.
“So tell me how it went?” She asked casually.
I glared at her, trying to find ways to breathe without dying or having an attack of some sort.
“It is cool, take a breather. Wouldn't want you to visit the hospital again.”
“Oh yeah. Wouldn't want that.” again with the sarcasm.
“Hey hey now, that sarcasm could possible harm me.” She put her hand over her heart. “But in all seriousness tell me what happened.”
I finally stopped clutching the wall to walk over and sit at the foot of the bed. “Yeah, well. He didn't yell at me or anything but he still acted like being gay was some kind of disorder or phase in which I would have grown out of at this time.” I sighed.
“Hey, you were fine without him before right? I am just saying, but, you know this was the kind of thing you needed. You needed to know what he thought. Him not hating you should of helped a bit you know? Now you can live your life without that what if.”
Jinx was right about that. I wouldn't have to question myself on how he felt anymore. Some people you just couldn't change.
“So you staying the night here?” I changed the subject.
“Only if you want me to.” She smiled at me.
My face began to feel hot and I hoped that my face wasn't fire truck red. “I do not mind.”
“Sweet well get used to me hogging the covers because we will be sleeping together for the rest of this week.” She laughed.