!(warning: this chapter goes into suicide thoughts. So if you've thought about it, skip this chapter.)!
Well, everything is back to normal. Actually worse.
I've been getting beat up a lot more now.
I've gone to the deen and the principal but, they've done nothing.
The only person keeping me alive is William.
He comes over sometimes and we talk. He knows I'm depressed and he tries his hardest to make me laugh. I've laughed once, but I have no reason to anymore.
I get beat up, bullied, my grades are all F's. But I already have all my credits to graduate. I applied for WVU and I'm really nervous if I got in or not.
In the application, I warned them if my grades slip. I told them about Ireland and everything. I got a letter back from the administration saying it won't count against me.
I told them I will be on the top of my game and I'm an B average.
They checked my grades and they know I wouldn't just flunk out that easy.
So there's a spark of hope.
The best hope. I can get out of here. I don't know if I'll be able to finish this school year.
I don't know if I'll ever see America again.
I'm thinking of suicide. No one will care if I gone.
I've given up on looking good in school. I just wear back and gray. I brush my hair and still shower, I just don't care anymore.
Simple black jeans, black boots, black shirt and a dark gray hoodie.
I don't bring anything to school ith me. Just myelf and my key and phone.
My music styles have changed to. I listen to scremo, depressing and songs about suicide and cutting.
I've completely shut down.
I sat down in my history class and put in my ear buds.
The teacher came in and while everyone got out their books, I just stared at my desk.
The teachers don't even bother. They count me absent every time.
I don't care, I don't wanna be here.
I always feel Amanda's happy stares. She knows she won.
Oh yeah, Parker and Amanda are dating.
I don't know how it happened, but he hates my guts.
The bell rang and I slowly rose from my seat and started to walk the halls.
Same old stuff. People insult me. I get pushed around.
I was pushed into a guy and he pushed me to another guy and I was soon being pushed in a circle.
One of the guys moved sideways and I was pushed on the floor.
The guys started to kick me.
I was crying as the pain grew. My torso is black from bruises.
I looked up and saw Parker there laughing.
My mouth fell slightly open.
He never beat me up before.
As the tears fell from my face, he bent down and rubbed my cheek.
I stared at him and his evil smirk faded.
His balled fist raises and I feel a horrible pain in my eye.
I cried so hard, choking myself, not wanting to breathe.
My phone was god knows where and everything was black. My eyes were swollen shut.
The group continued to kick me until the bell rang and the guys left except for.
"I-I knew y-you didn't like m-m-me, b-bu-but not this m-m-m-much." I opened as wide as I could, staring him in the eyes.
He didn't say anything, he just walked away.
I whimpered, laying on my side in fetal position.
This is it. I'm so done.
Parker hates me, Amanda hates me.
Life hates me.
I stayed there til lunch when I felt I was able to get up.
I slid over to the lockers and stayed there for the rest of the day.
How will I kill myself? I thought.
Cut my throat?
Bleed myself out on my arms?
Go out and run in front of a car?
How about over dose then bleed myself out.
I sadly sighed.
I took a shaky breath, "this is gonna be my last day at school, and in the world."