Justin: That was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I was drunk, and she just- she just kinda took advantage of that.
Rebecca: Then why did you kiss her the night before? Justin I gave you everything. Literally everything I had, you had. You were the first person I had sex with.
Justin: You were my first and only, I promise you that.
Rebecca: I'm not stupid. I saw you on the news leaving clubs with girls.
Justin: No, it's not true, just because I was walking next to them doesn't mean I was with them.
I sat up and pushed him away from me. He just stared at me, his eyes puffy.
Rebecca: That doesn't change that you hurt me. You broke me Justin. You asked me before what happened. You know what- I don't leave the house without layers of makeup. I won't take pictures with the beliebers anymore, and my hair has to be perfect. Because you broke me down. You made me feel like shit. You made me feel worthless, so I hope you're happy.
I started crying and turned away from Justin. I knew my makeup was starting to run.
Justin: I'm so sorry. Somebody like you doesn't deserve any of that. You never should have had to go through that. You're absolutely perfect and I don't know why I was such an ass. Maybe it's because I knew you deserved better, so I started pushing you away.
Rebecca: You did a good job at it.
I stood up and walked out of the door. I heard him start bawling and cussing himself out. I saw Alison and she ran over and hugged me.
Alison: You deserve so much better then him.
I started crying even harder into her hair.
Rebecca: But, no matter how much he hurt me- I don't want anybody else.
She walked me into my room. I calmed down and laid on the bed. I washed my face and said goodbye to Alison- she had to meet up with the girls, I wasn't ready to see them yet.
As the door closed behind her, I realized I didn't take my depression pills.
Yes-ever since Justin cheated on me, i have been taking medication.
As I looked at the pills, I had a thought. I wouldn't have to hurt- I wouldn't have to feel the pain of seeing Justin everyday.
I looked at the bottle and poured all of them in my hand. It felt as though the whole world stopped when I stared at them. I raised my hand to my mouth and I heard a voice, screaming at me to stop, I thought it was in my head, but sadly, it wasn't.
I woke up and felt arms around me. I opened my eyes, revealing Justin, fighting to stay awake. I was curled up in his arms. I moved the slightest bit and his eyes opened.
Justin: Please, don't move.
Rebecca: You're so tired.
Justin: No, i'm alright.
Rebecca: You're sleep deprived, Justin.
Justin: I can't go to sleep, you'll leave and try to hurt yourself.
The truth is, I probably would leave. But right now, I just needed him to get sleep. As I said to Alison, no matter how much he hurt me, I still loved him.
Rebecca: No, I promise i'll stay.
Justin: I'd kill myself if something happened to you.
He brushed his hand across my face. His touch was my weakness. It was the one thing I was addicted to- I felt like I couldn't live without it. I had gone so long without it- and now I was relapsing.
His eyes started to close, he was finally getting the sleep he needed so badly. His lips were slightly parted, as they always were when he would sleep. I smiled, remembering the night when I gave everything to him. His lips were parted exactly the same then, as they are now. I couldn't help but feel attracted to them. I moved my face closer and brushed my lips against his. His eyes opened and his arms pulled me closer. I held my body close to his before realizing what I was doing- he needed sleep.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, go back to sleep.
Justin: But I-
Rebecca: Just go to sleep, i'll talk to you when you wake up.
I hid my face in his neck as he started to fall back asleep.
I woke up and Justin's arms were around me.
Rebecca: How long have I been asleep?
Justin: I just woke up, but we've been asleep for about 12 hours.
I hid my face in his neck. I didn't want to talk about anything, because I know we'd end up crying, and i'd have to leave him alone.
Justin: I don't want to talk about it just as much as you, but we need to.
Rebecca: Justin, I love you. I don't think I ever stopped. All those nights when I was laying on the floor, bawling my eyes out, just wanting to die, All I wanted was you. I just wanted you to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be alright.
Justin: I was so fucking stupid. I told you, I was drunk and I had no clue what I was doing. All i remember was looking up, and seeing that look on your face. You were scared, sad, and hurt all at the same time, and it was all my fault. I hated myself. Every night after that i have gone out drinking and getting high. I just wanted you, and I knew I couldn't have you. Scooter told me you were coming back after a month or two, I didn't know what to say, I knew you hated me even more than you did before.
I hid my face in his neck, still not wanting to face any of this.
Rebecca: I love you, but I don't know if i'd ever be able to trust you again.
Justin: So you're saying, if I could prove that you could trust me, that I'd never hurt you, you'd want me back?
Rebecca: I want you back right now!
My eyes started watering and my voice was shaky.
Rebecca: No matter how much you hurt me, i'd never be able to hurt you. I love you. I love you more than I love anything. No how matter how much I told myself I hated you, I knew in my heart it wasn't true.
Justin: I want you. I want you to be mine. I don't want anybody else.
Rebecca: I just don't want to get hurt again.
He put his hands on each side of my face.
Justin: I would never hurt you. Never. I was set up. I would never hurt you.
I loved him. I needed to make a choice, risk getting hurt , or stay safe and don't get hurt.
Justin: Please, just give me a second chance.
I looked him in the eyes. I needed him in my life.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
His voice was weak.
I nodded and hugged him even tighter.
We had practice today. But instead, Justin told me that we were going to see a movie. Honestly, I didn't even want to get up. He knew that. However, if we didn't leave the hotel room then Scooter would come and get us and make us go to practice.
So here we are, in line for the movie.
(Alright, this story is based on when the Believe tour was still going on, but i'm gonna use current movies, alright (:)
Justin was taking me to see this new movie, it was called Frozen. Apparently it was a big hit everywhere.
As we walked into the movie theater, a bunch of little kids pushed past us and ran into the screening room. Justin pulled me closer as we found our seats. He pushed up the arm rest so I could snuggle closer to him. His arm hung around me, his other hand resting on my leg. I rested my head on his shoulder as the lights dimmed down. He kissed my head as the movie started.
As the lights came back on, I hid my face in his sweatshirt. The lights bothered my eyes. When we stood up girls started running up to Justin. He looked at them like they were crazy, but then smiled at them.
Justin: I can only do a couple, we have lunch reservations for later.
As we walked to the lobby of the movie theater, I saw crowds of girls lining up, inside and outside the place. Cops and security were keeping them held back. Justin pulled me closer. I held on to his tightly, remember the time I almost got trampled by them, and this was 10x as many as there were before.
Justin: I'ts gonna be alright.
There was a bunch on paparazzi taking photos of us.
"Justin, are you two back together"
That was all they kept asking. It was a lot better than the insults I usually got from them. They would always insult me and try to get Justin to snap and scream at them. He came close once, but he never actually did. It always made him so mad when they'd do that.
Justin: Yes, now can you please stop pushing the beliebers.
He walked over to them and started taking photos. The security was yelling at him. The girls srarted knocking down the bars that were holding them back.
Justin's first reaction was to pull me closer and start walked to an exit that the cops had secured for us.
Rebecca: You didn't get to talk to a lot of them.
Justin: If they knocked those bars down, they'd trample you, and I am not risking that. You can't get hurt.
He squeezed me closer. Girls kept screaming for Justin, he kind of ignored them and kept walking until we got to the car.
Cop: We have to ask you to go back to your hotel, we can't have the crowds swarming wherever you go.
Justin agreed and drove us back to the hotel. He didn't talk the whole ride home.
As we sat on the couch, I looked at him.
Rebecca: You don't want me, do you?
He quickly looked up with confusion on his face.
Justin: What? No. You're all I want.
Rebecca: Then why are you acting weird.
Justin: I didn't tell you something.
I looked at him, puzzled. His eyes started watering and I pulled him into a hug.
Justin: You're gonna leave me, I can't tell you.
Rebecca: Please, just tell me.
Justin: You will hate me.
Rebecca: Nothing can make me hate you. Look what you already did to me, I don't hate you for that.
Justin: Please don't hate me..
The room got quiet before he spoke up again.
Justin: When you left that night, I needed to relax or I was going to hurt somebody or myself, so Ryan was drunk, and he brought some drugs over. It wasn't bad at first, but then we got into more intense drugs, and I, i'm addicted to heroin. And I am just craving it right now. But i would never do that to you, so i'm trying to stop.
I think my body froze from shock. Justin, drugs? I never thought he would do that. He was so innocent, he would never do them. I guess I was wrong.
I pulled him closer to me and held him close in my arms. He held on to me tightly, afraid I was going to leave any second.
Justin: You're not mad?
Rebecca: You're stopping for me, I can't be mad because of that. I'm gonna help you get through it.
He looked at me and pressed his lips harshly against mine. I hid my face in his neck after our lips detached. He pulled my body on to his lap and rubbed my back as I cried into his shirt. He cried with me.
There was a knock at the door, but neither of us moved. I heard a drunken voice. I had no doubt it was Ryan.
Ryan: Justin, maan, let me in.
Rebecca: You can get it.
He nodded and then slid me off his lap. He opened the door and Ryan walked in. He looked at me and suddenly became mad.
Ryan: You- you're the reason Alison broke up with me, you bitch.
I slurred his words as he walked closer to me. Justin walked over to him and pushed him back as he tried to grab a hold of me.
Ryan: Let me go, she needs to be hurt- she hurt me.
Rebecca; I didn't do anything.
I started becoming scared as Ryan started pushing Justin, becoming stronger.
Justin: Don't you fucking push me like that.
Justin's eyes became dark, the same way they would turn when the paparazzi said stuff about me.
Ryan started wrestling Justin to the ground. He then continued to punch Justin in the face. I screamed at him and tried to pull him off of Justin. Instead he got off of Justin and tried to cut me with the now broken beer bottle. Justin was getting up as he cut part of my stomach. I screamed as he was about to smack me. Justin picked him up and dragged him out to the hallway. He slammed the door shut and ran over to me.
Justin: Are you alright?
I didn't even feel the cut at the moment because I was focused on Justin.
Rebecca: Your face is bleeding, are you okay?
Justin: I'm fine baby, look at you, you're bleeding nonstop.
I looked down at my torn shirt and red stomach. Then the pain set in.
I clenched my jaw and Justin set me on the couch. He walked away and got a wet washcloth, and a dry one. He cleaned off my cut and looked at me.
Justin: I'm so sorry..
Rebecca: It's not your fault.
Justin: If I wouldn't-
We heard a knock on the door.
Alison: It's me, Justin, let me in.
He got up and opened the door.
Alison: I haven't seen Becca, do you-
She looked at me and was about to cry.
Alison: Wha- What happened?
I looked over at Justin, standing by the closed door. He was staring at me. I put my arms out, wanting him closer.
Alison: What happened, Becca?
Rebecca: Ryan got drunk and mad at me-
Alison: He blames you for our break up. That ass. I'm going to talk to him now.
She got mad and marched out of there. Before she left, she thanked Justin for being there for me.
He walked back over to me. I sat myself up and kissed him.
Rebecca: I know you hate yourself right now, but please just lay with me. That's all I want right now. You.
Justin: I'm the reason you got hurt.
Rebecca: I'd feel a lot better if you cuddled with me.
He laid down then pulled my body over his, cuddling with me.
Justin: I love you.
Rebecca: I love you.
I kissed behind his ear before closing my eyes.
I was just tired and sick. All I wanted was to feel his touch. I wanted to feel his breath on my lips, I just wanted to hear his voice.
There was another knock on the door, except nobody got up. The door opened.
One more thing to deal with.
*AN I KNOW IT'S BEEN FOREVER AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN THE NEXT UPDATE IS BC I am having family problems that I can't talk about, but Tell me what you like. I love you guys so much. I'll try to update soon.
and as always
Stay Beautiful Xx*