Stockholm Syndrome

Life is not like in the movies. You don't wake up one day and know exactly what will happen and just realize your dreams. Sometimes you can't even influence things.
The tumor was spotted when I was fifteen. I'm eighteen now and it's time to say goodbye. But not because I will die, no. It's more than this. It's time to say goodbye, because I'm starting a new life... But not like I planned it.
At first everything feels like a dream, but suddenly it turns into a nightmare and all I can do is watch. I can't explain why, but all at once I'm caught between where I am, what and especially who I want. Life is hard. There is love, hate, loss and happiness, but am I strong enough to stay and say what's on my mind?


7. The Last Thing I Wanted

I grabbed a water bottle and two glasses and went back. I gently put the glasses on the table, poured myself and then him something in and finally handed him the glass. Still we drank from the glasses and I put them back on the table. Then I sat down with my back against the arm of the sofa; far enough away from Harry that I could breathe calm, close enough that he didn’t suspect anything.

After a short time he began to play with my hair. I acted as if I wouldn't notice, as I was totally absorbed in the film. But then he stretched out his long arm and put a few strands behind my ear, which I had dropped on purpose as a curtain between us.

Then he encompassed my chin and turned my head slowly to himself. Now I was forced to look at him. Harry was almost just like I had left him. But he already moved a few inches to me again. He lay there, his hand on my chin and just stared at me. His green eyes devoured mine.

"What?" I finally asked and he smiled at me.

"Nothing," he said.

"Okay..." I said and looked away again, but his hand remained on my chin and pulled me back.

I looked at him expectantly, but again he said nothing.

Could this guy be even more awkward than he already was? Apparently yes.


When the movie was finally over, I breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed pretty late and I didn't want to watch another movie with him, so I yawned.

"Tired, love?" Harry asked, stroking my hair.

I nodded, yawned again and stretched my arms up. So I was able to simultaneously strip his hands off of me as in a random motion.


Harry had been staring at me and then eventually abandoned after I hadn't responded.

Of course I knew what he wanted.

Harry Styles wanted to be kissed by me.

He wanted to build a relationship with me.

And no matter how good that sounded... If he weren't a complete psychopath, it would be flattering and perhaps also worth to test it, but under these circumstances it was the last thing I wanted.


"Then it's time for your room. Do you want to go to the bathroom again?" he asked me.

I shook my head and said "I've got a sink in my room."

He nodded, smiled at me and finally stood up. Harry helped me up and then accompanied me to my door, after he had brought my bag from the bathroom.

He had handed it to me, kissed my forehead and said, "Sleep well, sweet dreams."

I smiled slightly and said, "Thanks, you too."

Then I walked into my room and Harry locked the door. I was alone again.


Automatically I changed my clothes, removed my make-up, brushed my teeth and then lay down in my bed after I had turned off the light.

Slowly I came upon my feelings and the tears streamed down from my eyes. Deep sobs shook through me, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want Harry to come into my room and thought he would be able to comfort me. I cried until my eyes were swollen and I had to gasp for air, so I could breathe.

I just wanted to go home. Be with my family. My siblings, my parents. With my friends. In my own bed.

I pressed the mascots of Cassidy and Xander to me and closed my eyes. "This is all just a bad dream", I said as long to me until I fell asleep.


When I woke up the next day I felt like I was run over by a truck. I slowly opened my eyes.

Now all I wanted to see was my beige painted room, my closet, my picture frames with photos on the walls, my big mirror, my desk... but I awoke to gray walls, bulky windows, the sink and the small mirror.

With a disappointed sigh, I closed my eyes again and turned me on my back. I rubbed my eyes and breathed in and out slowly.

It was not a dream. It was all real.

I opened my eyes and looked beside me. On the little table stood a tray of covered dishes and a folded piece of paper. Surprised, I reached out a hand for the paper and opened it.

"Grace. I hope you slept well and have just as good memories as I of yesterday. Today I had to go a little earlier, so I made ​​breakfast for you. Hopefully you sleep a little longer, and then I'm back soon. Love, H" I read aloud. I rolled my eyes and crumpled the note.

I sat up, my legs dangled from the bed and lifted the lid of the first plate. Pancakes piled up on him and smelled excellent. On the next plate opened up two fried eggs, bacon and toast. Next to it was a covered orange juice and a plastic fork lay on a serving. Everything smelled delicious and looked liked it.

My stomach growled, my head pounded, my heart ached from the memories of my family, of my old life. I played with the idea that I shouldn't touch the food, but my stomach growled again. I sighed, stretched out my hands to the fork and began to eat.


Then I got up, stretched and went to my sink. Slowly, I combed my hair, then tied it up and washed my face. After I hung up a layer of cream, I brushed my teeth and finally went to my bag. I dug out a comfortable pants and a long sweater and put it on. Then I looked around the room.

It was a sad room. In the center of the rear wall was my bed, next to the little table on which stood the now empty plate, and a large floor lamp.

To my right was my bag, next to a desk with a small lamp and magazines on it.

To my left the sink and above the mirror.

Behind me was the heavy door that separated me from the outside world.

I pulled and rattled the doorknob, but it didn't move. Slowly I walked past the walls and groped them off. Except that they were cold, I noticed nothing special. I stood on the desk chair to look out of the windows, but I could barely see out of them.

"Hello? Does anybody hear me?" I cried, but no answer came.

I could hear the sound of the waterfall slightly, but otherwise nothing. I kept calling, but there was no answer.

Discouraged, I finally got down from the chair and pushed it to its old place. Bored, I flipped through the gossip magazine and trying to solve a crossword puzzle, which, however, was very difficult to do without a pen. Frustrated, I bunged the magazines down from the desk and looked at the floor. Then I heard someone pushed open the door and my head snapped up.

Harry was back home.

I immediately jumped up from the chair and lifted as fast as I could the magazines up. I heard how Harry walked through the hallway and as there was a soft knock at my door, I hurried to my bed.

"Are you awake, Gracie?" he asked in his deep, slow voice.

"For a long time," I replied, and Harry opened the door.

Slowly he first poked his curly head through the door and then walked into my room completely. He was wearing dark blue jeans, a white shirt and a leather jacket.

Harry grinned broadly and asked, "Did you sleep well, love?"

I smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah, thanks. Also for the delicious breakfast."

His grin grew wider and he came up to me.

"Where were you?" I asked, helping him to bring the dishes in the kitchen.

"We had an interview," he said, and we cleared the dishes in the dishwasher. "It was pretty funny. Louis told a joke after another and our interviewer was quite red," he said and shrugged briefly his shoulders.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to shower quickly. Then we'll eat something" he said.

"Can I previously go to the bathroom?" I asked and grimaced.

Harry laughed and said "Oh, I had already completely forgotten. If you behave well, I won't longer lock the door during the day."

I nodded and he gestured towards the bathroom. I quickly ran into the room and closed the door behind me. This was my chance. If he would take a shower now, I could search alone in his room and could find out why he had blood in it. Maybe I could find a way to escape. So I had to investigate the windows.

I took a deep breath, did everything I had to do in the bathroom and opened the door again.

Harry was already half naked in front of the door, so I ran in to him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," I apologized hastily. Harry laughed in surprise, put his hands on my upper arms and pushed me slightly away from him.

"No problem, everything's still there" he joked and I could feel myself blushing.

looked bashfully at the floor, so I wouldn't look at him. The heat of his hands slowly parted from my arms and he walked into the bathroom.

Just before he closed the door, he turned around again and said "Maybe you don't know, but most of the time I walk naked around. If you don't like it, you should at least get used to a half-naked Harry, this is my compromise," he said, and I could literally see him smiling. But I kept my eyes on my feet and nodded.


never had a boyfriend and of course I had seen half-naked guys, but... I knew that if I saw more of him than any other girl, he would want to see more of me than of any other girl and I didn't want that. I wasn't ready yet.


"Good," said Harry and closed the door. He turned up the shower and I sighed with relief.

I went into the kitchen, poured a glass of water and drank it. Then I took a deep breath and stepped into the hallway. Harry was now probably in the shower, because he sang full-throated "Summer of 69".


I quickly went to his room and slowly turned the handle, but the door wouldn't open. I tried it again, rattled at the latch, but nothing happened. I stood on my toes and felt around the door frame, but he wasn't so stupid and had hidden the key there. Shit. 

I ran into the living room and scanned the windows, but they were stable and could only be tilted. I glanced doubtfully to the front door, but then I shook my head.

Harry wasn't so stupid and left this door open. That would make no sense. Why shouldn't he lock this door, but his room?

I looked at the carmine. The fire was out. I crawled in the carmine and looked up; the sky was baby blue on the shimmering silver lattice, which was fastened about the middle of the chimney.

Harry was definitely smarter than I thought.

I leaned out of the carmine and brushed off my clothes.

All sharp objects were cleared out of the rooms I was allowed to enter. Presumably, that I couldn't hurt him. Or myself.

Sighing, I sat down on the sofa. My feet spread across the carpet and I closed my eyes.

I could be anywhere. I didn't know what day we had, nor how long I had slept. In the time in which I was completely passed out, he could have got me out of the country, thousands of miles away from my family and all of which I was used to.

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