Stockholm Syndrome

Life is not like in the movies. You don't wake up one day and know exactly what will happen and just realize your dreams. Sometimes you can't even influence things.
The tumor was spotted when I was fifteen. I'm eighteen now and it's time to say goodbye. But not because I will die, no. It's more than this. It's time to say goodbye, because I'm starting a new life... But not like I planned it.
At first everything feels like a dream, but suddenly it turns into a nightmare and all I can do is watch. I can't explain why, but all at once I'm caught between where I am, what and especially who I want. Life is hard. There is love, hate, loss and happiness, but am I strong enough to stay and say what's on my mind?


10. Something New

At some point my body decided that I could cry no more. Even though I felt terrible and like I would drown in my own tears, there were no tears more after. I only sobbed and Harry held me close, showing me that he was there and would help me, if I would ever break down again.

"I'm so sorry" he said and I just nodded. I was totally exhausted from the entire crying and heart break.

My stomach growled and Harry laughed quietly.

"You have to eat something. Breakfast isn't enough for an entire day" he whispered and I sighed.

I didn't feel hungry or thirsty. I wanted to sit like this forever and do nothing.

"I could heat up pizza and we could watch a movie afterwards?" he suggested and I nodded slowly.


While he was in the kitchen, I went to the bathroom. I had drunken a lot of tea and now I really needed to pee. After I washed my hands, I slowly looked into the mirror.

I shrieked and immediately Harry was knocking on the door. "What happened, Grace? Is everything okay? Do you need help? Or, uh, sanitary things? Chocolate? Anything?" he asked hectically and helpless.

I quickly looked away from my mirror reflection and opened the door. He looked worried and scanned my body for injuries.

"It's my face, Harry! I look horrible" I said and he sighed relieved.

"God, I thought something is seriously wrong" he said with a little laugh and I pointed to my face.

"It is!" I said and he smiled at me, while shaking his head.

"Your talking crap again, love" he said, smirked one last time and walked back into the kitchen. The microwave made a high tone and I groaned.

When I went back to the bathroom this time, I avoided looking into the mirror and washed my face. Afterwards I walked back into the living room and let myself fall on the sofa.

I rested my head in my hands and sighed. I still felt dead, but somehow better. It would take a lot of time until I would feel like myself again.

"Watch out, hot content" Harry warned and I looked up. He carried two paper plates with steaming pizza slices on it and still had a big smile on his face. "And I don’t mean the pizza" he added and winked at me. I rolled my eyes and chuckled and his smile got wider.

"I think this is exactly what I need" I said, when Harry gave me my plate and sat cross- legged next to me.

"Me or the pizza?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I laughed again and asked "Cocky much?" 

"That's not an answer" he teased me.

My stomach growled again and I asked "Answer enough?" 

Harry gritted his teeth, shrugged his shoulders and made a dissatisfied sound.

I smiled and bit into the pizza slice. It still tasted pretty good and I sighed relieved.


We ate in silence and like always I was glad about it. Not because I didn't want to talk, but because I didn't want to give him an answer. Because the truth was... I needed food and I needed him. Somehow.

I knew, the last days and this morning I was convinced that he was a horrible person for holding me as a captive, but since a few hours, I didn't think like this anymore.

I wasn't a captive and he wasn’t my kidnapper anymore. I discovered he was my savior. He stood up and fought for me. Yes, I knew he wasn't a typical one, but... he saved me from being alone and hated by everyone forever. I felt better with him by my side.


"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked after a time, having a slight smile on his lips.

"This pizza is amazing" I said, telling him half of the truth. He nodded and stretched his back.

"Want more?" he asked and I nodded, giving him my empty plate.

Harry stood up and went back into the kitchen and I watched every movement he made.


Beside his clumsiness, he was elegant. Harry was tall, muscular and still tanned from summer. My skin was pale and I had flab around my stomach. Most important: I looked awful in this moment, while he was a freaking model and that all the time.

He opened the little fridge and bend down, while digging out something to drink.

"Nice view" my inner voice said and I quickly looked away.

What the fuck? Did I just check out Harry Styles' ass? My cheeks reddened and I frowned. What happened to me?


"Water or tea?" Harry asked, pulling me back from my thoughts. I looked back to him, just to find him still in the same position.

"Uh, tea for me" I said shortly and he put the bottles back in.

"Yeah, me too" he said, stretched his legs again and closed the fridge. I stood up when I realized he couldn't carry all of this all alone.

"So what kind of movie do you want to watch later?" I asked as I entered the kitchen and he turned around.

"Um, what about a comedy?" he asked and I nodded.

I couldn't stand tragic or love stories right now anyways.

The microwave bleeped and we placed the pizza slices on the plates together. I took both plates and went back to the sofa and its coffee table.

Minutes later, Harry joined me with the tray from my room; the crackers still lay on it, now a little teapot and cups stood beside them. Again, we ate in silence and I waited until the tea seemed not to be that hot anymore. I took a few sips and my body started to relax.

"So" Harry said and cleared his throat. I looked to him; he wasn't looking comfortable with the words he wanted to say.

"Do you- do you have any questions about today or about…" He didn't finish his sentence, but I knew how it would end.

"…Or about what my family did?" I asked and he nodded. I felt okay again. "Okay". Pf.

"Who else had been part of it?" I asked and he closed his eyes. "Besides my family" I added.

"Well, in detail it was your siblings and, uh, the boys and me." 

"And why did they all help?" 

"Xander and Cassidy asked me. I asked Louis and Liam. Zayn is wrapped around Cas' finger and would do anything for her. Niall..." He sighed. "He was hooked. He planned everything in detail with your siblings." 

I nodded slowly. They all had been so nice to me, but obviously it was all just a big theatre scene. Harry opened his eyes again and looked out the window.

Even though I had been drinking tea, my throat got dry as I asked "And how's- how's my family doing now?" 

"They're good. Been talking to Cas today, she's fine and started dating Zayn a few days ago" he said and I looked at him confused.

"But isn't Zayn engaged?" I asked and he bit his lip. 

"Not anymore. He met Cassie and, well..." He took a deep breath. "It was just like this thing I felt between you and me. Zayn is very impulsive and when he wants something, he usually get's it... But I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell you all of this..." 

"No, it's- it's okay... I guess" I said and bit my lip.

My eyes burned, but I wasn't able to cry. My body was striking.

"I think I don't want to know any more details. Do you have alcohol here?" I asked and he looked confused.

“What?" he asked.

"Well, I have a lot to forget, right? When I'm as good as dead for them, I should stop thinking about them. They won't come back like I won't. Dead people are gone. Forever" I said bitterly.

"Alcohol is not a solution" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"It's more like a try" I said.

"Grace..." he begun and looked at me doubtfully.

"Harry..." I said and imitated his voice.

"You'll have to wait until tomorrow. I have none of the hard stuff here" he said, giving up on changing my mind.

"Fine" I said, standing up. "I'm still hungry. You too?" 

He nodded, so I took his plate and walked back into the kitchen. This time I put all of the remaining pizza slices into the microwave and while I waited for them to be hot again, I sighed and let my gaze wander around the kitchen. I stopped, as I noticed that Harry was watching me. His body was reflected in the windows of the kitchen, which had lost their levers. The roller blinds were down and the rope to pull them was probably cut; the place where they should be was empty.

"Stop staring at me. I look awful" I said when I turned around and he let himself fall on his back.

"You don't" he said, looking up to the ceiling. I groaned.

"Stop arguing with me about this topic, you won't win" I said and he laughed a little. Then he leaned on his elbows and looked back at me.

"I'm just worried, love. I want you to feel good again" he said.

A laugh escaped my lips and I said "Ask me again when I'm drunk." 

He put his head in his neck and half sang, half mumbled "Shadows come with the pain that you're running from. Love was something you never heard enough. Yeah, it took me some time but I figured out…" 

He stopped in the moment he looked up and realized I was watching him. I neither knew the melody nor lines, so I frowned.

"What's that?" I asked and the microwave bleeped. I turned around and opened the little door.

"A sneak peak of one of our new songs" he said, standing beside me now, holding the plates. Carefully I placed the hot slices on them and closed the door again. "You're actually the first one who heard me singing it. Well, except from the boys and our producer. I've written it a few weeks ago." I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really?" I asked.

"Yeah, I kind of wrote a few songs for our new album" he said.

"Can I listen to them someday?" I asked and started walking back to the living room.

"Uh, yeah, sure" he said and I could literally hear his smile. We sat again on the sofa and started eating.

At some point he said "I wrote some about you. Actually every single one of them." 

I choked and my throat burned. I quickly took a sip of my tea and looked at him with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked surprised with a husky voice. Without being able to do something against it, a smile spread across my face. Harry nodded with a half proud, half abashed smile.

"Yeah. You're pretty inspirational" he admitted and his cheeks got a little redder.

"Oh, uh, wow. Thanks" I said. "That's very, um, nice of you. I don't really know what to say in this moment... So, I, uh, I probably should just shut up and eat again. Yeah, I'm going to eat." I took a bite of my pizza slice and Harry chuckled.

"Your cuteness will be the death of me" he said and I choked again.

"You admitting something or making compliments in the wrong moments will be the death of me" I said with a burning throat and he laughed. I took a sip of my tea again and it made me feel a bit better. "But thanks." I looked back at him and he smiled widely.

"Had to be said" he said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Want to know what else I am?" he asked and I looked expectantly at him. "I'm a pretty good topic changer." 

I thought about what we were talking earlier and snorted.

"Oh yeah, you truly are" I said and shook my head slightly.

"And I'm very funny" he added, stretching the word "very".

I laughed as his facial expression: Harry looked convincingly and nodded with a big smile on his face.

"Sure" I said. "It's getting ridiculous."

"That's exactly what I hoped for."


After we finished eating, Harry showed me the funniest movies he had in this house and this time I let him decide, what we should watch. I didn't know the movie, but it was really good and we nearly laughed every minute. At some point I stopped concentrating on the movie, because something else had caught my attention.

Harry was sitting in one of the corners of the sofa; he had his legs stretched out and one arm lying on the armrest. I was leaning on the backrest and had my legs bent. The end of his long arm lay behind me, but his touch didn't bother me.

This time he hadn't make any movements of getting closer to me and I didn't know what to think about it. The last time we were watching movies I would've done anything to get away from him, but this time it was different: I tried to push the memories of my family out of my brain and this kind of made me an orphan. I felt lonely.

Louis was right; I had no one in this world, except for Harry.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He laughed at something the main character has said or done and slightly shook his head chuckling afterwards. His green eyes didn't leave the TV screen and he snorted as reaction to something they had done.

Harry looked relaxed. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a red plaid button down with a plunging neckline. His shirt was unbuttoned so far that I could see the beginning of his tattooed butterfly.

His curls lay softly around his face and moved with every movement he made. His full, soft pink lips were curled into a smile which made me smile.

"So tell me who's staring now" he said suddenly and smirked.

Damn it! Had I been so obvious?

"Um, I, uh" I stuttered and he looked at me.

"Oh, come here" he said, pushing me a bit with his hand to himself, smiling widely now.

I smiled slightly and crawled nearer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and he lay his arm slightly around me, like he was suddenly scared of touching me. I bent my legs again and rested a hand on his chest.

His touch and body heat calmed me a bit more down and I closed my eyes. Soon enough the exhaustion of the day took over me and I fell asleep. 

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