*Warning: This chapter deals with the topic of sexual assault and might be sensitive to some people.*
Vic had me pressed up against the tiled walls of my shower, his lips slotted with mine. His hands and fingers firmly gripped my hips, rocking our bodies together. I had both of our hardened members in my hand, rubbing them together as best I could. My other hand was tangled in his wet hair, making sure that his lips stayed against mine. I hadn't really been planning on morning sex because I was so hung-over that I couldn't remember anything from the night before, but who could say no to a sexy guy in the shower? I couldn’t. If things kept going at that rate, I would be considered a full-fledged sex addict in no time at all, but he felt so good that I didn't even care.
Vic stopped kissing me and turned me around so that my hands were against the shower wall, and I braced myself so that I wouldn’t slip. He trailed light kisses down my back, making it as sensual as he could, and then lined himself up with my entrance. I felt his tip slowly push in using the water from the shower as a substitute for lube. I absolutely loved the feeling of him when he was first sliding into me. Once he was all the way in, he didn't give me too much time to get used to him as he started to thrust himself in and out. He wasn’t rough, but he wasn’t too light either. He held my hips, and I was grinding on him as he was thrusting. It felt fucking amazing. I even tried finding something to grab onto in the shower. That was when I really regretted taking out the metal bar that was originally in there.
My nails dug into the tile—not literally, of course—and my fingers turned white and pink. I bent my arm in front of me so that I could press my forehead into something that wouldn't hurt me. I grit my teeth and moaned, my eyes pinching shut. Every sound, from our moaning and panting to the hard slapping sounds of Vic thighs to mine, echoed off the walls back to us. It only made it a lot hotter, and I somehow became even more turned on. Our bodies worked together in sync. After fucking each other so many times, we learned what each other liked best when it came to sex. A few more thrusts and hits to the right spot, and Vic grabbed my dick, both of us yelling out each other’s names and groaning through our orgasms. It was a good thing that I lived alone.
Vic continued to thrust into me through our highs, then pulled out and rinsed his body off in the running water—it had turned pretty cold. I braced myself against the wall until I felt like I was able to move again without falling over from weak knees. Shower sex was definitely good, and we were for sure going to do that again soon. I followed Vic, rinsing myself off in the freezing water as well and quickly shutting off the shower and getting out. Vic was already in my room with a towel around his body, drying himself off. He looked really good with water droplets on his chest and hair sticking to his forehead. If I hadn't looked away, we would have to gone for round two, right then and there.
“We are so doing that again soon,” Vic said, reading my thoughts from earlier. I nodded and slid my boxers on, and he did the same. “Do you have chap stick? My lips kinda hurt.”
“Um... Yeah, check in the nightstand.” He turned around, opened the drawer, and laughed. “What?”
He turned, holding the vibrator I’d gotten a while back. “Since when do you have this?”
“I got it after the first time we slept together, now put it away.” He did what I’d said.
“We’re definitely going to use that one day.” He laughed and threw his towel at me.
I rolled my eyes and took our towels to put them in the laundry basket. When I turned back around, Vic was there. He grabbed my waist and kissed me. I grinned lightly and kissed him back with just as much, if not more, enthusiasm. For the first time in a really, really long time, I was happy. I was content with my life. I was having sex with a gorgeous person, even if that gorgeous person just so happened to be a guy. Vic kind of filled that empty place I’d had. I’d really missed kisses like this.
Vic walked us over to the bed, and we fell on it. Those weren’t ‘I'm gonna fuck you into the mattress’ kisses; those were happy, lazy kisses—the ones where you just wanna lay there, cuddle, and kiss each other. Watch stupid movies and talk about things that don't matter. He wasn't grinding on me; he was just resting easily against me, kissing my lips and occasionally running his hand along my chest. Everything felt right. We were kissing for about an hour, and I never wanted to stop. His lips were so soft and gentle against mine.
But all good things have to end sometime. I heard my doorbell ring through my house, and Vic pulled up from me. He kissed me again and smiled before getting off of me and handing me my clothes. We got dressed, and I headed for my front door. Vic stopped me and kissed me for the last time before I opened my door. Before I even got to actually see who it was, two arms flung themselves over my shoulders, hugging me tightly. By the time my brain caught up with myself, I realized that the blonde was a childhood friend. I hugged her back.
“Hey, Aud, what are you doing here? I haven't seen you in like a year,” I asked her as she finally let me go.
“I just thought I should come and visit. Y’know, that time of the year.” I was confused at first, so I looked at my calendar. Oh… how could I forget? I sighed and let her in. “Oh, who’s that?” she asked once she saw Vic standing in the living room. “Is he a boyfriend?” she giggled at me.
“No. He’s... Uh... just a friend.” I smiled at her and looked at Vic.
“He’s cute. You two should date.”
“Audrey!” I yelled at her a little. “I'm not gay, and you know it.” Vic just smiled and laughed.
“Yeah, okay,” she said, her tone being very sarcastic. “How about you properly introduce us?” I rolled my eyes before talking.
“Fine. Vic, this is Audrey. She’s been one of my best friends since we were about seven or eight. Audrey, this is Vic. He’s just a friend that I met about a month ago.” Audrey and Vic smiled at each other. I felt a little awkward.
“I'm gonna head out,” Vic said and walked to the door. “It was nice to meet you, Audrey.” And like, that he was gone, but I kind of wanted him to come back so that we could make out some more.
I gestured Audrey to sit on the couch with me. “So why are you here? Not to sound mean, but it was just a little unexpected.”
“Yeah, sorry. It’s just around this time you never wanna see people, and if I called you would have just hung up on me.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said back and looked down. “Sorry.”
“I was actually really surprised that you had someone over. He seemed nice.”
“Yeah, he is really nice,” I said unintentionally, smiling.
“You're smiling. You never smile like that unless you like someone. You like Vic, I knew it,” she said, jumping all over the couch and giggling like some kind of girl... well... you know what I mean.
“No, I don't!” I yelled in defense.
“Oh, whatever. I’ve known you long enough to know these things,” she said. She then dropped the subject, but I knew she’d bring it up again before she left. She’s good at getting things like that out of me.
“So,” she said and brushed my arm. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, stop asking. I'm fine.”
“Kellin, every year around this time you always turn into a wreck. You can't let what that guy—”
“Seriously, Audrey, I don't wanna talk about it,” I said, getting up to get a drink. Alcohol would help—it always did.
“Kellin.” She got up, taking the drink from my hands. “You always drink yourself to death and sleep with every bimbo-girl you can find at a bar because of this every year, and then call me on the phone crying your eyes out. I just don't want you to do that again. I hate knowing that my best friend feels this way; that you ever had to go through that.”
“No, I let it go, okay? I’m over it.” I snatched the drink back from her and continued drinking it, then poured another one.
“Well, clearly not. Kells, he raped you. Someone you love did something terrible to you, and you haven't let go of it. I can see right through you, and pretending you don't like guys because of something isn’t going to help. It only makes you feel emptier. Blocking it out so you can drink yourself to death won’t help either. It’ll just make things worse for you.”
By the time she was done talking, I was on the verge of tears. Thinking back to how he hurt me… I couldn't handle it. I started crying. She pulled me to her and back on the couch. “I told him to stop over and over again, but he wouldn't,” I bawled into her shirt. I don't know what, but something in me broke. Just thinking about it… It'd been eight years, and it still hurt me so bad. Even if I didn't want to admit it, she was right. I kept pushing myself from people because I thought they were going to hurt me again. She let me cry on her for a couple hours, getting everything out that I wasn't able to say years ago when I was sixteen. Yeah, having your virginity taken away from you like that... I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again.
“Is Vic treating you right?!” I smiled at the mention of his name.
“Yeah, he is. He’s really great. He kind of fills that emptying thing you were talking about. But... nothing is ever going to come of it.” She looked at me in confusion and asked me why. “It just wouldn't work. He doesn't like me. There’s no way he could. I only attract the bad guys—someone as sweet as Vic isn’t in my luck.”
“Is he straight?” I shook my head, silently saying no. “Then why not try? I can tell you like him, and he’s cute.” I sighed, agreeing with her.
We talked for a little bit longer, and then she left. How was she so good at it? I hated it. She actually got me to talk about it. I curled my fist and hit my wall. Then I just felt angry. I was angry at myself for lying for so long, and I was angry at that guy. I trusted him with everything, and he turned on me; took everything from me. It scared me to ever get close to a guy again. I thought that being straight would help... It sounded absolutely ridiculous, but I thought that it would work. But not so much, I guess, because there I was: sleeping with a guy that I was starting to fall for. But there was no way that he liked me back; I was just a client to him.