Half an hour later - to the minute -, I stood in front of Justin's doorstep.
"At least Pattie has to still remember me!," a little voice full of hope said in my head and a small smile spread across my face. The door was flung open and Pattie was standing with tied hair in front of me.
"Yes, please?", she said, looking at me kindly.
"Please, please, Pattie! Please, at least you!," I pleaded in thought, but also she looked at me without recognizing me.
I gulped and said, "Hi, I'm Grace. I work with Justin and Nick at a choreography for his new video."
"Justiiiiiiiiiiin", she cried, half-turned . "Visit for you, a Grace!"
"Let her in," he called back and Pattie turned back to me.
"Come in. Anyway, I'm Pattie," she said with a warm smile.
I just nodded, smiled slightly and then entered the house. Pattie disappeared in any room and shortly thereafter was Jus in front of me.
"Aaaah, there you are," he said and hugged me. "Good that you got here so quickly. Come on" he smiled at me and together we went trough the hallway. I followed him into a room that was completely mirrored.
"Wow," I said and I could see my smile in the mirror puzzled and Justin’s smile.
"Cool, huh?," he asked and I could only nod.
He showed me where the bathroom was and I got dressed quickly. When I came back was Nick also there and laughed about something.
"Let's get started," he said after we had greeted us shortly. He pressed the play- button and I closed my eyes.
Slowly I moved and began to dance, the only best thing I could think to this music. Nick recorded it all with a camera and sometimes interjected comments, something like "Faster!" or "Good!". Even Justin danced and at once we danced together, but not on a classic style such as the waltz, but in hip hop. I turned around him while he sang and appropriately moved to.
This is what we did a few times before Jus and I were completely out of breath. We grabbed something to drink while Nick drew the recordings on his laptop.
Jus and I sat in the kitchen and drank water. My thoughts were running.
"Are you actually still friends with many people that you know from the past? I mean, before you became famous?" blurted it finally out of me and Justin looked at me smiling.
"Actually, yes. To me it is quite important. I want to know where I come from and I will remain exactly the same back, because... I am actually still the same person. So I am still friends with quite a few. Well... just with the most important."
He would have also directly rip out my heart and put it in the blender.
I forced a smile and said softly, "I can understand." Then I threw the rest of my water down and wished it would be tequila.
Throughout the day, I found myself again and again starring at Justin and wished he'd finally realize. I'm concerned he would still play with me and kidding me all the time, but couldn’t he stop it and please include me in his arms, laughing, and say, "As if I could forget you!" ?
His laugh was still the same; he only got thinner and had grown. And his voice was deeper. But otherwise he was still exactly the Justin, into which I had fallen in love and with whom I was together for over a year.
So how could he forget me when I could not forget him all these years? Had he never loved me? Had he always played with me? Had he ever cared about me?