I really wasn't in the mood to finish my shift so I called in to have the rest of my shift covered. I was glad the boss was being understandable because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to keep my resolve. I entered the apartment Justin and I had gotten when we came here. Everything was the same but at the same time it wasn't. It wasn't even our apartment anymore. On many occasions, it would be just me coming back to an empty home. I had known he was busy now, but he hardly ever came even to visit. The only time he ever came was to get more clothes and like that, he would be gone all over again.
That night, I came to two conclusions. I wanted to do everything to show Justin I wasn't something he could toy with. I hated him. He was my everything and he knew this. He knew it and used it against me. I sighed at myself as I for once thought back on my life. I didn't finish high school because of him. I would have been in college by now if it weren't for him. I would be in a happy and caring home if it weren't for him. I would be forwarding my life in a successful direction. All because of him. It was his fault. I was nineteen For the first time, I felt a strong hate. I always thought hate was too strong of a word and that I would never hate someone. This is what he did to me. I changed from being the good and selfless girl to someone full of hate.
I woke up with one thing on mind. I don't really know what was coming over me, but I found myself, taking out my memory box. It held a bunch of random things that were important to me, of times Justin and I shared, of my childhood. With no emotion, I picked up the box and went through it. I found the wad of cash that was supposed to be used for emergencies. I quickly showered and brushed my teeth. I tied my long dark brown hair into a high ponytail and wore a t-shirt and jeans. I slipped on Converse and grabbed my bag. I drove myself to the mall and got out, taking the money with me all too quickly before I could change my mind. I had said I was going to enter his world and I meant it. And if a makeover meant one step closer to it, then I guess that was what I was going to do.
I was never the type of girl to love shopping because I already had to work two jobs, just barely making it by. As the hours passed, my arms were filled with bags that were full of new clothes, accessories, and shoes. I was revamping my old and plain wardrobe to something more girlie and trendy. I was going to show him what I got. I was going to make him regret ever doing this to me. I put my bags into my car and changed into a new outfit. I swapped my casual and comfy outfit for a floral printed skater skirt, a white camisole, and a light washed tied denim shirt. I decided to keep on my Converse, knowing it would only do me good as I continued around the mall.
As I walked into the Sephora, it felt alien and out of place for me, but I managed to sum up my courage. Makeup. My life basically consisted of work and work and more work so looking all dolled up was the least of my worries. I went through the aisle and opted for natural colors, rather than exotic ones. I got loads of mascaras, eyeliners, blushes, and face makeup. I had it all demoed by one of the employees that tried out makeup for the customers. As she finished with the last touches, I gasped slightly to see a new me. I was…beautiful.
"You really do look beautiful honey. In my opinion, you don't even need makeup!" the worker praised me. I felt my heart warm and my eyes begin to tear up. For the first time, I felt beautiful. I didn't believe what she had said about me being naturally beautiful was true. Without makeup, I was plain and ugly. I thanked her before paying for all the cosmetics I had picked out.
I quickly felt myself to be more confident as the change began taking over. My last stop was the salon. I wanted to rid myself of my plain and boring look, and become more glamourous. "What would you like to do today?" the hairstylist asked me. I gave her a smile.
"I'm tired of having my long and old brown hair. Surprise me with a change" I said. Her eyes widened in surprise at my vague request. Her surprise instantly turned into excitement.
"I'll make you absolutely stunning" she beamed. I closed my eyes, letting everything sink in. The lies. The betrayal. The hurt. The motivation for revenge. The regret. I let myself drift slowly into my own world. "Done!" Clary, the hairstylist, said. She handed me a big hand mirror. I was shocked to see myself in the mirror. I touched my face and the mirror to see if I wasn't dreaming and that this was indeed me. My long dark brown hair was gone. It was shorter now, ending at the shoulders and I had side swept bangs. It made me look more mature and took away the little girl look I had.
I had always looked younger than how old I actually was. My hair had highlights and was considerably lighter. Although, I had streaks of different shades of brown and it had overall became lighter, under my naturally wavy hair was my darker undertones. Perfect. My hair nicely framed my face and with my new look, I could barely recognize myself.
After I was done, I headed to my car. I sat myself into my car and took a moment for everything to finally catch up to me. So much has been happening to me in less than two days. I sighed feeling restless in my car. I was having mixed feelings. I couldn't help but feel sad even though I realize now that I just set myself up for it. Feeling too emotional and experiencing feelings that were much too overwhelming for me, I whipped out my writing journal and scribbled down some lyrics. It was an old journal that I had, way before Justin and I left to America. I never told anyone this, not even Justin, but I loved to write music and poetry. One would say it was boring but it was my favorite pastime and always comforting. It started when I had lost my parents. I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and this was how I could do it. Writing. For Justin it was singing and for me, it was writing. Our love for music was what held our relationship together and sadly enough, it was what ripped us apart.
I would be lost in my own world when I wrote. In my own thoughts. In my own emotions. In my own feelings. It was a place I could be without having a care in the world. Writing music was my passion, but the spotlight was not a place I yearned to be. I only now understood that I'd be in the background. Be a part of the 'behind the scenes', I wrote the music while others performed it. I guess that would have to change soon. Confidence was what I needed and maybe this makeover can really be what I need for that push.
*A/N: Just a heads up, but the songs will not be in order…so yeah…I'm probably going to do songs that may come before/after or happened way before or way after each other in the wrong order for the sake of the story. I'll be using songs from both of the Up All Night and Take Me Home albums. I'll use some from Midnight Memories too…also the time period would be right now (so the present), even though I'll use songs that were from their early part of their careers. I need both Justin and One Direction to be as famous as they are now for the story to work so just pretend that the songs aren't from like when they very first started…so imagine 2013/2014 but with songs from earlier...that was probably super confusing but I suck at explaining…as you can probably already tell.