11. My Fun Experiences Here...
It's been three weeks since I performed my first actual song in the real competition and surprisingly, I got through!
After the first performance, they kicked off a lot of people. We went from 235 people to 45... Starting next week, we are having real shows in front of real audiences... I'm scared... My Uncle Andy and Aunt Victoria said they were gonna be at every show and my daddy said he would too and that just makes me think of the worst. What happens if I get voted off? If the judges don't like me? What if my mentors tell me I need to work harder but I'm working as hard as I can and it's just not enough?
We were now moved into the official xFactor contestant houses now and guess who's house is next to mine, yeah One Direction... Right? Just my luck.
I had to practice everyday for at least an hour with my mentors and however long I want on my own time. I usually practice whenever I am not doing anything important like eating, sleeping, drinking, exercising or practicing. My housemates fine me to be quite annoying with how much I practice. They say that I practice too much and that I have no chance of winning and that just makes me even more nervous and makes me practice more.
My practices with my mentors aren't that fun either. Harry keeps trying to actually talk to me and every time I shut him down and he then starts to get defensive and does what he did the first night in the hotel... I feel like he really wants to try to be friends with me but I don't want to. He hurt me in more ways then one and I don't know how I he is expecting me to cope. even after a month.
I really just want someone to talk to and have at least a friendship with but not many people here even realize I am here. One thing that has really upset me since I have been here is what Harry did a few days ago. I was about to go out and perform another small performance to get me through to the live shows, and he hugs me. I know it's sounds stupid to get upset about, but I didn't want him to hug me. He caught me by surprise when he hugged me and I hugged him back. I didn't want the hug to mean anything but it felt good to hug him...