2. socalled home
I get home and look at the note taped to the back of the door. It was from mum (obviously because we are the only two that live here)
I have found myself a new fella and I will be at his for the next few days.
There is a couple of quid for gas and electric if you need it
Love mum xxx
Great, well that’s just perfect. Now my mother doesn't even want to hang around with me. How can I look after myself when I am nothing but a child?
I run upstairs to my room and cry for what seems like forever. I look up at my wall, I look at all of the people who have saved me so far and it pains me even more because I feel like I am letting them down. I try to keep back the tears, for them, but I can’t seem to do it as the pain is so unbearable.
The voices are going round through my head and I can't make it go away. All the people who have hurt me in the past, who have put me down and made me cry are all flooding back in my head. Each word like a punch in the face.
I head for the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My tear stained face is the monster that makes me so unlovable as well as the rest of me. I hate myself as I look at my reflection is disgust. I looked down at the razor, it looks so beautiful now. I pick it up and place it on my wrist. In one quick movement across my wrist, Blood starts to leave my skin, normally it makes the pain go away but this time it didn't. I turn the bath taps on and stare down blankly, tears rolling down my face, at the water. I get in the bath and sit crying like a baby. The pain is just too much; I reach for my phone and text my mum
Im sorry mum,
Goodbye forever, if you care x
I hold the razor and go crazy with it, cutting every part of me I could. My bath turned red as I screamed in agony. Why does my life have to be like this? I dunk my head under the water and stay there.
I have done the world a favour and I have finally done it. I only had 14 years on this planet and they were worthless. Now my useless body will must lie in the bloody water until my mother comes back to find me. I bet she will be proud and relieved that I am gone