24. Oh please no.
The next day outside, me and John hung out. I wish I could say we were back to our weird conversations and laughs and faces and stuff but that just wasn't the case. We were together, yes. And we were talking. But I don't know. It didn't feel like I was talking to John. It felt entirely different. It felt like he was a stranger. I guess he'd built walls and locked his heart inside. Trying to protect it. From me.
It got sorta awkward but we kept talking. And soon we were finally ourselves again. That is, until nick came over. John and nick had a guy talk and T'nyla eavesdropped for me. She came back and told me all she heard was John asking nick if Nick's asked yet. She didn't know what they meant and neither did I. When John came back, I asked him about it. He didn't answer.
Around the end of recess, John finally told me.
"He wanted to ask if you and I were back together. I didn't answer him and I was hoping you wouldn't. Because if he knew, he would do something really stupid." He told me.
"Oh" was all I managed to say.
I thought about it more and then I realized what he meant. Nick already cuts. He likes me. I turned him down to get back with my ex after I said yes (sorta) to him asking me.
He was going to commit suicide.
I didn't want that to happen. Nick was one of my close friends. He was someone who I could talk to. I didn't want him to leave me. No I didn't like him as a boyfriend, but I did as a best friend.
Thats why when he didn't show up the next day I got scared.
But no, he was fine. He didn't commit. But if you looked in his eyes, you could tell he wanted to. Maybe even that he tried. The first thing I thought was "I don't want to be a murderer."