To be honest, this year had done nothing good for me.
Okay, so that was a lie. A lot of good things, and a lot of bad things had happened to me this year.
For starters i had swopped school, because the teachers on my old school, were so old that one of my friends mother had had a teacher who was still a teacher. I thought everythng was going to be rainbows and unicorns, but reality came, and kicked me in my face. The new school sucked. okay not 100%, but i just felt like that kid no one likes, and maybe, just maybe, i was. One boy, tried to welcome me really nice, and i screwed it up. And though i have apologized a million times, there was, and still isn't a sign that he actually have forgiven me even though he said the opposite. On my old school i had always had friends around me, and suddenly i wasn't talking to anyone at school...
But a wise friend of mine once told me. For every bad thing that happens in your life, a good thing is just waiting right around the corner. But i guess that statement also applies the other way around.
But back to the point. I hated the people at school, and yet i can't help but admire them. i can't really explain why, 'cause i relly think most of them are.... not really the people i would like to be around longer than a certained amount of thime, to put it nicely. But i'm not going to sit here and complain aboout them.
But seriously i can't stop. Because they have been making my life in school a hell, almost since i started. let's just say, i don't feel welcome.
And then to kind of making it worse, everyone around me in my life outside of school, seems to be getting boyfriends, and girlfriends, And i really hate myself for this, because i really should feel so happy for them, i can't help but to feel a big fat lump of jalousy. I feel awful about it, and at the same time i feel like i am some kind of undateble person who no one would want. But deep down, when i think about it, i know that it really is because of myself. Something inside of my young heart, have been broken in a thousend peaces, and i've locked it down in a chest, inside my chest, haha get it? anyways, some time ago i got broken my heart so much, and i think that's why i keep pushing boys away from me. Long story short, my really good friend at that time, started dating, the guy i liked. But she liked him too, so don't think she's a monster. I did at first to pity myself. But we both like him for the same amount of time, but he just liked her instead of me. I remember when she told me. The pain was liked getting knocked all the air in my lungs out. The feel of someone standing on your ribs. And i sat there and pretended it didn't mean anything, that i had gotten over him, and didn't like him anymore. This didn't happen this year, i just felt the need to get that of m chest.
I really hope the next year is going to be better.
But no i don't everyone frm my school. In fact i think i'm in love with one of them. But he will probably never feel that way about me. And yes, he knows i exist, but i'm just guessing, that he's not into me. Not even a little. Not even at all. Why do i always fall in love with the wrong people? Why can't the wrong people fall in love with me? And why do i feel like, i am the only on that feels that way. sigh. I REALLY hope next year is better. And maybe, it will be my turn to fall in love with someone who falls in love with me. Even if he was in love with me, wich i highly doubt, than he is the worst at showing it. A little part of me is hoping, thats the reason. But most of me knows, that it's not true.
But i'm fifteen now. And i'm gonna have a blast! i really hope i am. This year haven't been a total waste of time. My school life have gotten no where but to leave me almost friendless. But my life outside? I have gotten so many friends, i have gone to so many parties. so looking at it, like that, my ife have gone in the right direction.
So a year has passed. Good thing a new one will come, ful of surprised laying around the corner. We just don't know yet.