It has been 4 weeks. One entire month since I had left. I have not talked to any of the boys or Eleanor. I couldn't. I was selfish and stupid and I couldn't face them again. They probably are all glad that I'm gone. All I ever did was hurt them.
My life is better now. I have just recently released a song with Ed Sheeran and I have some great friends including,my boyfriend, Nathan Skyes. We have only known each other for a short period of time but we agreed to take it slow. I needed a rebound anyway. I was still constantly thinking about that blue-eyed, brown haired, British beauty back in London. Louis would never forgive me though. I would never have him back.
I shot up out of bed feeling quite sick. I ran to the toilet and emptied out my stomach. This has been the third time this week and I had no idea what was wrong. I was also moodier than usual and I ate a lot. I just felt uncomfortable in my own skin so I was planning on going to the pharmacist today.
I washed my mouth and looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. I had dark circles under my eyes and my hair was all over the place. Luckily I had nothing scheduled for today and I could just do what I wanted. I brushed my tangled mess that I called my hair and I slipped on some black high pants and a losses fitting blue crop top.
I dragged my self down the stairs and into the kitchen. Breakfast time. I decided to put spaghetti on toast and heat it up. I don't know why but it was delicious.
Now I have to go to the doctors. I just sighed and I went out of my apartment. I locked the door and headed down the elevator. I jumped into my car and switched the radio on. Once again their familiar voice run through my head and I immediately turn the radio off. Today was not the day to go down memory lane. I felt sick enough as it is.
Luckily the pharmacist wasn't far away it was only a ten minute drive. The drive consisted of absolute silence. I didn't want to turn the radio back on in case they were going to come on again. Finally I arrived at the shopping mall were the pharmacist was located. I know lots of people could recognise me by their faces but I didn't want to deal with fans right now. Lots of people hated me anyway because I was going out with Nathan. It was such a shame he is actually very lovely.
I rushed into the pharmacist and I walked up to the counter. "Hi how are you?" The lady greeted at the counter she looked fairly young about my age and she was very proper. I could tell by the was she wore her hair and make up.
"Terrible actually." I laughed and little and she just looked sympathetic.
"Well what can I help you with?" She asked.
"Well I have been started to vomit when I wake up and I have really bad mood swings and cravings and I've just not been myself lately." I told her.
"Well when was the last time you had your period?" She asked my and I thought back.
"I had it -- I don't remember must have been a while ago which is really weird since....."
"You might want to try a pregnancy test." She told me looking at the shelf behind her and grabbing one. No. This is not happening. I can't be pregnant. Especially not with Louis' child, I mean I walked out on him for gods sake he hates me. This surely must be a mistake.
"Um .... Uh ...... O-ok t-thank you." I stuttered grabbing the pregnancy test and I paid for if at the till. I quickly shoved it in my pocket and I bolted back to my car. I just sat in my car for a while wondering what would happen if I was. Would I keep it? Ok. Let me just calm down and do the test first. I mean it could just be a coincidence. I started my car and just drove back to my flat with a blank expression. I couldn't think properly right now. Everything was going wrong non of this was supposed to happen.
I quickly made my way up to my flat and I hurried into the toilet. After I peed I washed my hands but I didn't look at the test I couldn't. I was too scared. I was only 19 and what if it was positive? I'm not heartless enough to give away a child. Especially not if that child is mine. I didn't know what I would do who I would tell and everyone would probably think it's Nathan's or Niall's.
I just held my breath and looked at the test. Oh crap. No, it can't be right. This isn't happening! It's not possible. But it is ..... That little voice in my head was haunting me and I couldn't make it stop. I just fell backwards on my bed and let the tears fall. I decided just to let everything I fell out. Then maybe just maybe I would feel the tinniest bit better. But then I realised I have to break up with Nathan......