I am so sick and tired of not belonging. I never know where to go or who to talk to, and one can only live as a passive observer on the internet for so long. I want to go somewhere new and somewhere fresh, where people won't judge me and where I can start over.
And I am sick and tired of this country, of everything that is ingrained in its culture. What the hell happened with me, that I can't even call my friends out on their blatant racism and sexism?
It turns out, that calling people out on their shit isn't as believable if you aren't a white boy. Hell, just white would do.
Maybe it's my own fault, I've never really been good with words, or at discussions. I speak too loud, and I begin sentences before they have finished forming in my head, so they come out half-assed like I don't really mean it.
I hope the next school year brings me something new. I hope I can stop feeling like an outsider, and I hope I meet people that are more likeminded.
But really, I know none of that is going to happen.
I have yet to meet a Dane that doesn't think that nigger and negro are perfectly acceptable words.
Maybe I'm just too fragile, not cut out for this life. Time to time I wish I was born a rich, white girl in Paris, London, Manhattan, anywhere else than here. Oh, the places I would go, the things I would do.
As of right now I am nothing more than
a tiny, tiny part of huge world. And even though I'm grateful for all the privileges I hold, I can't stop praying to be someone else. I just want to be
acknowledged for the talents I do not yet have.
I know all of this is wishful thinking and impossible, but hey.
One can dream, right?