(flashback from 9 years ago)
"Jaylynn! Jaylynn! Oh my...I swear to God Jaylynn!" I heard my nanny call me but I would do anything for her to not find me. "Jaylynn! Jayl--" Mrs. Petterfield called, pulling out me out from under the table. She looked angry but she always seemed to look mad and annoyed when I was around her, except when she was in front of my Dad of course. "Jaylynn! What have I told you countless of times?" she asked with frustration dripping from her voice. I didn't say anything and soon felt a hot searing pain across my face from the contact with her ring clad hand and my face. I winced but held back the tears.
"I-I.." I tried saying something. But I couldn't. No matter how much I tried to respond and defend myself, I couldn't bring myself too. All I could do there was take her verbal abuse and sometimes it would get physical...I just hoped I would be able to get away before it went that far.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" she screamed. I nodded and she continued, "Why can't you make friends with girls? Honestly, you shouldn't be playing with boys and getting all dirty". I looked down at myself and saw a dirty dress that was torn at the bottom and bruised legs that were just as dirty. My face was smeared with dirt and my hair was a knotted mess. "See, look at you" she motioned with her hands. "What do you think your father would say if he saw you like that? That his only daughter was dressed like this and looked like she just walked out of a garbage can? Remember that you are a girl This is probably why he would have rather had your brother" Mrs. Petterfield seethed.
"I was just playing soccer..." my ten year old self mumbled. She just shook her head with disapproval etched on her face. She looked at me as if I was some kind of disgusting animal and I guess that, that was how she saw me as. Someone she didn't want to take care of, but had to because of her job. It was ironic how she had a daughter my age who was also at a nanny. Shouldn't she have been taking care of her own daughter than me? Her own daughter was most likely not a disappointment like me.
"Why can't you be like all the other girls your age? Can't you be interested in dance or playing with dolls? This is why your father probably doesn't even love you" she sneered at me. My bottom lip trembled as I ran up the stairs and slammed the door shut, crying to myself. I felt so alone, broken, unloved, and depressed. But this wasn't out of the ordinary for me. I tended to do this at least once a day. Everything changed though because of one fateful day.
It was like any other day, me crying all alone locked up inside my big and spacious room. This time, I managed to wake up around nine. I heard voices downstairs and immediately recognized it to be Mrs. Petterfield and my Dad. My eyes lit up brightly as at the thought of him. I walked down the stairs, making sure to hide myself because I wanted to surprise him. I froze, hand clamped over my mouth, eyes wide, and my throat tightened. My breath became hitched, as I forced myself to not make a sound. Back then I didn't realize that Mrs. Petterfield was having an affair on Mr. Petterfield--he was a very nice man actually--with my Dad. They were both in their late twenties and Dad, as well as Mom were. They were kissing and talking in between. "When are you going send Jaylynn to her mother?" Mrs. Petterfield said.
"Well, you know how Lynni can be...but what can I do?" my Dad said.
"But isn't she a burden?" my adulterating nanny asked.
"Yes, but that's why I have you" he said kissing her again. I mentally gagged to myself while what was left of my heart broke to pieces. I'm a burden? Am I really that unwanted? I went back up stairs without giving away that I was listening. I walked inside my room and closed the door behind me. I looked into the mirror to see a torn and lifeless girl. He face dull with shaded eyes.
"Am I really a burden?" I asked myself softly. There was no emotion and she looked absolutely ugly with hair messed up and dirty clothes. I stared at what was supposed to be my reflection, what was supposed to be me. I looked longer, waiting for the tears to come pouring out like they usually do, but this time there was nothing. My Dad. My own father didn't want me. I finally pulled myself away and called my Mom. I never thought I'd ever say these words in my entire life as I dialed her number, "I want to come live with you in America". It was so awkward and automatic but my Mom was too happy and ecstatic to notice. At least one of my parents wanted me. This is what I need, a new start, a new beginning. It was better this way. I could spend time with my Mom and Justin, my twin brother I have never met, and my father could finally rid of his burden, me.
I quickly packed all my belongings, changing into clean clothes and showering. I went across the hall to grab the recorded footage of the last hour because we had a security system in the house that watched everything. I put the little disk in my pocket and printed out the plane tickets Mom had emailed me. She knew someone in the airline industry to luckily I could leave tonight. I had a printer in my desk so I didn't need to go downstairs. I cleared off my personal belongings, pausing at a framed picture of my Dad father and I. I grabbed it and walked downstairs with my bags. They were still at it and didn't have the decency to notice I was even here. I must have been nonexistent to them, a waste of space. Anger boiled within me and without even thinking, I raised up my hand and threw the framed photo I once cherished so much at the wall behind them with all my might.
The sharp and brittle sound of shattering glass brought their attention to me. "Blue Jay what's w--"
"Do not call me that" I seethed, my mouth forming a firm line and eyes darkening.
"Where do you think you are going? How dare you talk to your father like that?" Mrs. Petterfield said walking toward me, the shock already passing and fury taking over.
I curtly answered, "I'm going to my Mom's. I'm sure now you and him can have all the alone time you need because your burden will be gone". I held up the disk and their eyes widened. I smirked and made my way to the door only to be stopped.
"Blue Jay...Jaylynn" my father started but I narrowed my eyes at him. Blue Jay was my special nick name. I always liked it but not anymore. It made me so annoyed and irked just hearing it.
"I'm going to Mom's. She actually wants me" I firmly stated in a bitter and distant tone. My father was surprised and in part so was I. I was always the kind of girl that never talked back and was obedient. Rude was not in my vocabulary. Even when Mrs. Petterfield had hit me, I never did anything disrespectful to her. I wasn't the same old Jaylynn anymore. I was going to become everything they never expected me to be and show them they couldn't bring me down anymore.
My father was speechless and I turned back to the door, and walked out, getting in the cab that was waiting for me. Half of me wished he run after me but it was wasted hopes because he never did. "To the airport please" I said, softening my tone. Aren't you a little too young to be traveling alone little lady?" the taxi cab driver asked.
"And aren't you supposed to just be taking me to my destination and not ask questions?" I snapped, only realizing how rude and blunt I was being. To my surprise he chuckled and began driving.
"As long as it makes you feel alive. Just live your life and don't look back. Life's too short and even though yours is barely starting, it includes you too little lady". And like that, my whole world flipped upside in one night.
"So you support the whole 'child running away from home' and letting it be?" I asked.
He chuckled. "I guess so". I never saw him again, but I learned a valuable lesson today. To not let myself get too close because in the end they'll just leave you and that people use others to their benefit. That was how life worked. Though the words that man said, held some meaning to me. Hmmm...alive? To live my life and never look back. All my life, I've followed a strict set of rules, not daring to break one, maybe being 'alive' is what I needed...