2. 11 September 2013
It's been almost a month since you...went away.
A friend of mine suggested that I start writing in a diary, to "just get it all out". It felt strange writing to some...thing that doesn't reply. It still does a bit, but when I decided to write to you instead it felt right somehow even though I know you will never write back. I guess it's because I always felt like I could tell you anything and everything.
Just the other day, I caught myself going to the phone to call you to tell you about my day. I miss you so much.
Sometimes I feel like you are still there. Even now I feel like you are looking over my shoulder as I write this.
Do you remember the kid's film Grandpa? I was watching it last night and I actually cried at the end. I'd never done that before; I suppose it's because I now know how the little girl felt when she couldn't find her grandfather anywhere. I feel just like she did, like I'm always looking for you and calling out to you but I can't find you and nor can you answer. Because you're not here anymore.
Grandad, will this pain ever go away?