143. Victim or victimizer?
……make me smile, and that there’s nothing I can do to stop this. I can’t think straight, and everything hurts, and nothing makes sense anymore. You’re shredding my heart with one hand and stroking my ego with the other. And it’s killing me, Justin. You’re killing me. And it’s only going to get worse, now that everyone is going to know. My boyfriend has a kid with someone that is not me. You knew for a whole month and didn’t think to tell me not once!”
““I wanted to tell you. But I knew it would hurt you. So I buried it, and let it hurt me.” Justin said.
“It is better being the victim then the victimizer. The reasons it hurts even worse is, because I was going to tell you that I found out that I’m pregnant, but you have another child to worry about Justin. What I’m saying doesn’t even matter. I need time alone.”
I grabbed my stuff and left the hotel. Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story! I went back home since we were already in L.A. Daniel was in the living room with Stacy. I ran up the stairs and went to my room bawling my eyes out. There was a soft knock on the door.
Did she just say she’s pregnant? How? When she left, it was like someone had ripped my heart out, crumbled it up like a flimsy piece of loose leaf paper and crammed it back into my chest. Sometimes the only thing to do is to take the thing that you must have. Even if someone gets hurt. I do know this. It's the things we run from that hurt us the most.