33. Chapter Thirty-Three.
I don't even know what is happening in this chapter. I really am not in the mood, so i don't know. needed to write it though. anyways, there's ya go.
I'd tell her to speak out, tell her to shout out. -Little Mix.
"Don't you fucking dare tell them Ian." I say grabbing his forearm and he just shrugs it off. "Why not? Afraid someone is actually going to care about you? You're afraid of people trusting you and caring about you!" He growls at me and rushes into the room Jenny and Anto are in. They look up startled. "She cut." Ian announces and Jenny gasps. "Why didn't you tell me?" She questions and goes over to me. "Because it was all about you, i didn't want to take it away from you. You got help, that's good I don't need it I am okay." I tell her simply and I can see that she is ticked off at me.
"You know I would of listened to you." She states trying to keep calm and that sets me off. "You all know this and that. You all tell me you's would listen? why don't you's? If you knew I'd have a shit day I wouldn't of had to tell you myself, I was hoping you'd notice but you fucking didn't so I went like: fuck it why bother telling them all?" I yell at her and she flinches away.
"I-" She opens her mouth and I shake my head laughing sarcastingly "I I, its all about your opinion. I had to be there for you I still am, i have to please Ian too I have to do this and that and that's also without telling people how I actually fucking feel, you all act as if I have no feelings I fucking do and i always did I have to hide them from you all. "I finish and they all look at me startled. "You " I turn towards Ian and shake my head. "You didn't even bother looking at my scars while you were fucking me. As long as you got to fuck someone you were fine, and it wasn't a bother as to how many cuts all over her body your girl had." I roar and she steps towards me. "Calm down." He says and I feel like punching all of his teeth out. Calm down? he wants me to calm down?
He suddenly pulls me towards his chest holding me tightly and I feel tears coming. No I can't show them, my mom told me i need to see a therapist when I cried in front of her. He rubs my back calming me down a bit. I let out a tiny sob and he tightens his grip.
"We didn't know you felt this way. Every time anyone asks you if you're okay you pull on this mask saying you're, no one saw that was happening inside you." He whispers and i shake my head.
"I care about you, Jenny cares, Anto does. People care you shouldn't be afraid of that"