43. Chapter Forty-Three.
Because of you i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me, because of you I am afraid. -Kelly Clarkson.
"I think we are gonna head to our room." Paulina announces and we nod our heads at them. They leave together, holding hands and I smile at them, slightly. Jenny looks at me smiling and I grab her hand in mine. She leans her head back on my chest and I smile. When I feel light pecks being left on my jaw I look down at her. "What are you doing?" I whisper and she giggles. "I don't know. I just wanted to kiss you." she whispers back, teasing me and I grin. I lean down connecting our lips and she smiles into the kiss grabbing the of my neck pushing me closer to her if that's even possible of course.
She pulls away gasping for breath and I lean down to kiss down her neck, making her moan lightly. I bite on the skin of her neck and she pulls on my hair. I pull away quickly just to take her hoodie off her and she doesn't protest. When her hoodie is off her body I look down at her chest licking my lips but then I frown then I notice all of 'them' running from her shoulders and down to her wrist, I also notice that fact that her left arm has more cuts than the other one. I pull away fast and she looks at me confused and wide eyed. I push her hoodie back into her hands and she frowns. "Is it because of them?" She mumbles and I look away from her. "I can't look at them without realising that when you needed me I wasn't here for you." I reply and she shakes her head. "You didn't even know about them until that day. You weren't supposed to. I, it's all my fault okay? It wasn't supposed to happen in the first place I just let things get close to me." She snaps and puts her hoodie onto her body back again and I nibble on my lip.
"You won't even be able to look at me without my clothes on. So tell me why are you even with me?" She asks and I look her dead in the eye. I grab her hand tightly in mine squeezing it. She hisses and slaps me in the chest with her other hand. "Let go of me you fucking prick." She gasps and I let go of her arm. "Don't ever say stuff like that again." I tell her and she chuckles coldly."Why not?Because its true? Because you don't know why you're with me?"
I grab her face and turn her towards me. "I want you. That's all I know. And I want every single little thing that comes with you. " I tell her and she blushes slightly. "Why can't you look at me then?" She asks nearly in tears and I pull her into my chest hugging her tightly. "Because I can't see my baby girl hurt, I look at them and I feel like I want to tear my skin open. " I whisper close to tears myself and she breaths in sharply. "I just want you to know that it's not the only way to let out emotions. I know you tell Paulina everything but I want you to know that I am here for you too." She nods her head on my shoulder and I rub her back until her breathing is peaceful and she is asleep on my shoulder. I pick her up carefully not to wake her up and go upstairs trying to be as silent as possible. I hesitate whether to change her or not I decide to do so since I do think sleeping in jeans would be very uncomfortable. I take her hoodie off her carefully and put a shirt laying on her bed on her along with a long sleeved jumper on top to keep her warm. I gently take her jeans off her legs and look down at her legs. Even more here. I bite my lip trying to keep in tears. I slip her fuzzy pajama pants on her and fuzzy socks on her feet, I tuck her under the duvet and after taking my sweatpants and tshirt I slip beside her in her bed and I bring her closer to me.
If only I knew how to stop her doing it. If only I knew.