You closed your eyes as the cold metal of the blade hit your skin, tearing it up to leave a deep wound on your wrist. Blood ran down your hands as you just continued. It was ridiculous. Why did you keep doing this? Why were you even here?
Horrible thoughts crossed your mind as you stared at the mess on your arms and thighs. Long, deep slashes. Dark red liquid everywhere. Blood was such a familiar thing.
Today hadn’t been a good day; you couldn’t have done anything right at work and eventually your boss had fired you. Your parents had yelled at you again for being a total failure when you had called them to tell you and basically everything was shit right now.
Oli would come home later so you’d have enough time to clean everything up. Well, that’s at least what you thought. Someone knocked on the bathroom door, causing you to jump a little. “(Y/N)? Are you in there?” It was Oli’s voice, his familiar accent made you want to cry. You felt like a failure, just like your parents had said. A failure because of losing your job, a failure because of relapsing.
"No… Oli, don’t come in. Just… Just give me a minute." You said and you hoped he wouldn’t notice how shaky your voice was. Tears were dripping down your face as you had another look at the mess on the bathroom floor again. Dark red towels. Blood soaked rugs. "Babe… Can I come in?" Oli asked, sounding anxious. "No!" You yelled, and tried to stand up but your legs were so shaky that you had to sit down again. You were sobbing now, at first quietly but then it got louder.
"I’ll come in now." Oli said as he slowly opened the door, which you obviously forgot to lock, like you always did. Oli’s eyes widened as he saw what you had done. "Don’t .. don’t look at me." You breathed out in horror. What would he do now? Would he get mad? Would he leave you? You were so scared. Thousands of questions haunted your mind. Horrible fantasies of Oli yelling at you and then leaving you were all you could think of but instead, he just sat down next to you and took your hand.
He gave you an understanding look. His dark hazel eyes looked straight in yours and there was a strange sadness in them. “(Y/N)… Why?” He simply asked, slowly and quietly.
"Everything’s shit." You said after a while and started sobbing again. Oli laid his arms around you and pulled you closer to him. "I know baby. It’s okay. You’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be okay. I’m with you. I’ll protect you." He whispered to comfort you. Honestly, he didn’t care if your blood-stained arms would soak his shirt. He just wanted you to get better.
After a while, you had calmed down and slowly pulled away from him. You took a deep breath and were just about to say something as Oli shook his head. “Shh. Wait. First I’ll clean this up and get you some bandages.” He said and you closed your mouth again and nodded slowly. You didn’t know how to feel.
Guilt. Guilt was the thing that haunted your mind as you watched Oli wiping away the blood from the floor and carefully putting bandages around your arms and legs. You felt so guilty, and Oli looked so sad.
When he was done cleaning, he lifted you up bridal style and you almost started to cry again. Oli carried you to the bedroom and carefully laid you on the bed. He laid next to you and you curled up on his side.
"Now, love, tell me." Oli said, stroking your head. "Tell you what?" You replied, anxiously. He kissed your nose. "Don’t be scared, princess." He said and cleared his throat. "You know you can tell me anything." Yes, you indeed could tell him everything but you were scared. You didn’t want to make him sad or something like that. "I … I got fired at work, and then my parents yelled at me when I called them… I feel… I feel like a total failure… I can’t do anything right. I always mess up. I am a mess. My life is a mess." You muttered, quietly.
It was silent for a while. Tears started dripping down from Oli’s face as he just laid there, not even sobbing. Completely quiet.