I woke, and again felt the need to puke my guts out. Why the heck was I feeling this way? Should I even consider that the test could have been wrong, or just go to the doctor? Take another. The words reappeared back in my brain. All night they swallowed up my brain. Would leave me alone until I became dizzy and I needed sleep. Take a-nother one! It was yelling at me now. Screaming the words. My hands clasp to my face as my brain thinks of what to do. I rub my eyes, then my forehead, until I decided on the doctors.
"Frankie," I reply to the doctor.
"Okay Frankie. What are your symptoms?"
"I get queasy, headaches, and I puke-a lot."
"Mh. You seem to young to be married, but you never know these days. Have you been using protection with your boyfriend, or are you single?"
"Why does everyone ask me that! I think we did it a few months ago," I admit.
"Have you taken a pregnancy test yet darling?" he asks.
"Yes I have. It was negative."
"I do not believe you got the average of it. Sometimes they do not work as planned, so here's a few-" He pulls some out of his pocket, does he have to do this a lot?" I want you to try all of them okay? If they are all negative then we will look further into it."
I nod. He hands me them, and I get up and find the single restroom. I retake it again, negative. I told you! I take the next one, negative.
My body chills as I pull the third one out of the box. Moment of truth I guess. The bathroom is white and black, standard. The gentle music sways low in the background. As my eyes adjust to the letters, I'm sure I see negative for the fourth time. No. Positive is what my brain rearranges. Positive. Baby. Mother. Family. Job. Life. Adult. Doug.
"This has to be coincidental! It was only once! No, no, no!" I scream at the doctor.
"Honey. Calm down."
"Do NOT tell me to CALM down! I'm having a child! I'm not even out of high school yet!" I yell again.
"This is not my fault. You need to learn from your mistakes. You should of waited until you were married. Now if you would please excuse me I have other appointments," He looks back once more before fully walking out.
I sigh knowing the doctor is right. I pick up the pregnancy test again and I stare at the positive symbol. This is really going to happen. I'm going to be called mom. I shake my head clear of my thoughts. I don't want to baby craze this early in my pregnancy. I hop off the examination table and walk out the door that the doctor just exited from.
How am I going to tell Doug? I shake my head clear of my thoughts. I wave good bye to the recipients and I walk out the main door and head to my car.
I look in the mirror with my shirt rolled up. There's nothing really there, it doesn't seem like it. I run my hand around my belly. I keep my eyes on the mirror as more thoughts rummage through my head. How am I going to tell Doug? I cant. But I have no choice, it's his baby. He deserves to know about his baby. I jump into the shower, hopping it will wash away the thoughts in my brain. But, of course that makes it worse. The shower makes me think of the words I was going to tell Doug. But most importantly it brought up the question how am I going to tell my parents?
I won't be able to handle this. Is there an option where I can hide it all from everyone? Maybe I can pretend to be in parenting class! And I have to wear a pregnancy suit...No my parents are not that dumb.
I sigh running my fingers through my damp hair as slowly make it over to my bed. I sprawl out on the covers as I take a deep breath. I get up once more and I open the windows to allow air flow in the cramped stuffy bedroom. I look around my room. Pink walls, a teddy bear that Doug won for me at the fair and a poster for Little Mix and The Arctic Monkeys hung on my wall clashing with my decor. How can I have a child if I'm still one myself?